Dear Doctor Val, I’m In Love With A Man My Parents Dislike

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Hi there,
Our Advice Seeker column on the site has been re-opened and we will be taking questions from you guys with anything that might be bothering you concerning love, sex, relationships, marriage, courtship, and even about your reproductive health.

Please feel free to send in your questions to our Facebook page inbox by clicking HERE  or fill a form on our contact page on the site or send to admin@360nobs.com and we will hand it over to our in-house doctor, Doc Val who is also an expert on love and relationships. We guarantee anonymity unless you state otherwise. 

We posted a couple of the questions on Facebook and got some people helping out.  You can also join in the conversation there by liking our page or if you wouldn’t mind throwing in a word or two, drop something in the comment box below.
Please, be kind as some of these issues are life issues. If you don’t have any solution for the person, try not to insult anyone.

Thanks.

 

QUESTION

Hi pls I need ur candid advice here, am in a relationship with this guy we luv oda n willing to spend d rest of our lives together, but d problem is he was once married due to pregnancy n leta separated, he wants to marry mi, my parents r saying it will never happen,dt wat if d lady decide to come back after I married him, as for mi, am willing to carry d cross, I want to marry him but my dad even asked him to stop coming to my place n also threatened to take d matter to court if my boyfriend keeps coming to my place, the truth is I love this guy despite all his past, pls help mi pls I don’t know wat else to do?

 -T.C

Doctor Val:

Hello T.C …

Wow.. Wow.. Wow….!

Parental opposition? That can actually be the greatest challenge for a couple in love.

Is it a blessing or a curse? Are they deliberately trying to take your happiness and make your life miserable?

Well, why don’t we pause, rewind a little, start at the beginning and try to look at this movie together, ok?

 

You are in love with this guy and he wants to marry you so that both of you can spend your lives together. I get that part. Its quite romantic really.

Let’s start with him being once married ‘due to pregnancy’ and later seperated.

Hmmm… Life is a stage and everyone is an actor.

There are some missing parts in this script.

From the premise, its safe to conclude that this ‘boyfriend’ of yours has a ‘child’ or children since we don’t know for how long he was married and whether there were other kids before and/or after the index pregnancy that was the reason he was apparently ‘pressured’ into marriage.

But why agree to get married to a ‘girlfriend’ because she’s pregnant only to leave the said ‘girlfriend’ and child after a while?

Don’t you think there are other things behind the scene which you do not know or perhaps do not want to acknowledge?

The truth is that whatever it is that led to his abandoning the first lady may also lead to his abandoning you.

Make no mistake about this, both of them were once as ‘in love’ as you and him are now. Or perhaps more!

Its not about ‘willing to carry the cross’. Its about knowing the cross you’re willing to carry.

 

They say ‘Love is Blind’, but marriage is an eye opener. Most people that end up asking ‘why did I get married?” Are people that never bothered to ask ‘why am I getting married?’.

Why do you want to marry this guy?

Is it just because you are ‘in love’?

Is it about some sort of social or financial security?

Do you feel your time is passing and that ‘a bird at hand is worth two in the bush’?

These are questions you need to answer for yourself.

 

Let’s talk about your parents’ view.

The thing about being in love most times is that your rational self is thrown out of the window and all that is left is the emotions. This is especially true for women.

It takes someone close to you who is not wearing the sunglasses of love to see things clearly and give you a rational advice.

What better person to do that than your mum or dad who have sacrificed and are willing to sacrifice more for your happiness?

I thank God you said,”my parents are saying….”.

If you had said ‘my father..’, I’d have been more inclined to believe he was just being a man. But there’s something about the intuition of a woman,especially a mother. When both of them actually agree on a matter, their reasons have both a rational and an emotionally intuitive foundation.

I usually advice people that especially in matters of relationship, that the parents’ consent and advice should not be neglected because they are being as rationally loving as they can to protect you.

Don’t disregard them. Rather dialogue with them and weigh both sides. They are not always right. But they might not be wrong this time.

I am not neglecting the fact that this guy may be sincere and may also have been genuinely conned into a marriage he did not want.

However, atthe end of the open discussion with them, you’ll know whether to go ahead or not.

Remember that its not just about the lady ‘coming back after you marry him’. Its about what made her leave in the first place.

 

A final word..

You are coming from somewhere(a family) and considering going somewhere(another family). Its not just about you.

Secondly, please don’t consider getting pregnant for him in other to ‘checkmate’ your family and the opposing circumstances.

If you do, well, probably in some months time, it’ll be another lady seeking advice on whether to marry the guy and you’ll be playing the part of the previous girlfriend.

Finally, the wisdom of God is higher than men. Pray about it. Ask God for direction. You won’t be left in the dark.

God bless you

Doc Val.

 

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360nobs Editor

360nobs Editor

Writer. Author. Blogger. Editor.

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