WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE
George turned in his bed as the alarm buzzed on his Nokia phone; he picked up the phone lying on the rug, hissing and muttering under his breath “today is Saturday, why is this fucking alarm going off by 5:30am?” he pressed the stop button on his phone, scrolled down to ‘repeat alarm function’ and unchecked Saturday and Sunday before turning to face the girl sleeping beside him.
Shifting up on the bed and resting on his elbow, he took a good look at the girl wrapped up like a samosa and breathing softly under the thick blue duvet; the cold and dry harmattan wind was blowing down from the north; he smiled to himself as he remembered how the girl snuggled close and begged him to cover her with his jacket while sitting at the back of the cab on their way home the night before. He gladly obliged; grinning to himself in the dark and anticipating another night of steamy, wild sex with a girl whose name he didn’t bother to commit to memory after the initial introduction at the club.
He tried to remember her name so he could at least call her by her name once they get home “I think Benny said her name was Jane, Kate…. Or something like that” he thought to himself
George would not have to bother himself, he really didn’t need her name as he would not have any reason to see her anymore after that night; same way he never needed to see any of the girls he had brought home from various Lagos night clubs he visited every fortnight, and this particular girl was not even his ‘type’ but Benny was sure he would be more than convinced by the morrow.
This particular girl eventually surpassed his expectation; she did everything imaginable and unimaginable to him in bed, and he simply couldn’t stop looking at her full figured sexy body. He sat up, leaning against the bed post as he let his brain do a recast of how he met this tigress who had slightly altered his perception about full figured women.
He was in company of his friends; Tunde, a.k.a Thunder and Bernard who prefers to be called Benny at all times, the three of them together are referred to as ‘the triumvirate of exemptions’, a nomenclature bestowed on them by some of their friends back in the University. Giorgio as George is called by everybody, Thunder and Benny had a way of getting anything and everything done back then, they were the go-to guys for whatever anyone needed on campus from sublime to ridiculous. They still remained close friends after school and as they all believed, working their ways to the top. Thunder, an architect by profession, is the ‘enjoyment minister’ who could probably drink a whole brewery to the ground; he works with a construction firm and has some money to throw around for weekend outings. Benny, freelancer and still looking for that ‘breakthrough’ contract is the ‘minister for women affairs’, the name given to him in the university and has stuck like a leech due to his dexterity with women, no guy dared place a bet with Benny over their girlfriend or even sister; Benny would ‘bed’ the lady in question and bring some form of proof with him, a souvenir which he would fondly refer to as ‘memento of a magical night’, he drinks as well but not as much as Thunder. Giorgio on the other hand works in one of the new generation banks, he is not a fan of liquor neither is he a teetotaler but he likes beautiful women especially the slim, tall and fair ones, and any woman who is not slim, fair, and tall can never be beautiful where Giorgio is concerned; he is a tall and good-looking guy himself, and he doesn’t feel he owes anyone any apology for his perception of ‘beautiful’. So, when Benny suddenly appeared in company of two dark, average height, full figured girls at O’jez entertainment inside the National stadium in Surulere, Giorgio knew instantly Benny was up to something sinister especially since Thunder was not around and neither of the girls was his type. Moving towards him and grinning sheepishly, Benny whispered loudly into his ear “Giorgio, I have brought two fish, one for you and one for me”
“Are you serious?” Giorgio asked almost screaming in order to raise his voice above the blaring sound coming from the live band through the speakers.
“Yes, dead serious” replied Benny who still had the sheepish grin plastered on his face.
“You can’t be, you know me too well not to fancy orobo”
Benny, didn’t answer, he simply motioned the girls to sit while he did the introductions, he later beckoned one of the waiters to serve them with drinks before excusing himself from them and pulled Giorgio towards the open space near the main entrance where the sound coming from the speakers was not too loud.
“Guy, trust me, you want to bed one of these babes, you will surely go back for more”
“Hmmmm … And how would you know I will go back for more?” Giorgio asked with a hint of sarcasm.
“Because I know they are good, especially the one wearing a black dress, she is a tigress in bed ….”
“And you would know she is a tigress because ….”
“Dude, bone this interrogation now, ah ah! I have known these two girls way back and whoever coined the saying ‘once you go phat, you can never go back’ must have them in mind”.
“Guy, why are you trying to convince me? The night is still young, I am still looking around and I’m sure a fair, slim and tall chic will warm my chamber tonight as always”
“I wish you could listen to yourself now and hear how cocky and lame you sound at the same time. Dude, just give this babe a trial and you will be hooked”
“Hooked?” Giorgio asked laughing
“Yes, hooked” Benny replied emphatically
“Dude, you know I can never be hooked, not now; not ever again. That ship has sailed and it’s never going to berth no more ….”
“Hey, hey, don’t start. You are not the only person who has had his heart broken, so save all the philosophical jargons for whoever is ready to listen to them” Benny retorted, cutting him short.
“You are a pant, idiot boy like you” Giorgio replied feigning some seriousness and they both laughed. ‘The triumvirate of exemptions’ have a way of talking to one another, and insults come in handy but they never had any fight because of the insults back in school, and it doesn’t look like they are going to start now.
“I know say I be pant, but you na goat, shameless goat for that matter, see your oblong-ish head”
“Thank you, it is better and finer than your bald-calabash head”
Benny laughed so hard as he rubs his head “You don’t know the quality of the brain inside this head do you? ‘cos if you do, you would pray daily to have this type of head. Anyways, don’t fall my hand man, I have finished all the work with these babes and I have said plenty good stuff about you. So, just go home with this babe and give me feedback in the morning”
“I hope you didn’t tell her she is not my type though; I’m actually thinking maybe I could just have a change of menu for once”
“Good boy, that means we are all good, let me just grab 2 bottles since Thunder is not here to declare for the men, and we retire for the night before this harmattan will freeze somebody’s blocos”.
They both laughed and disappeared into the club
“Hey, Giorgio… I am cold” her coo broke his thought as she unwrapped herself from the duvet, snuggled close to him and ran her hands down his hairy torso. Her voice was melodious, effortlessly powering some force down Giorgio’s spine. He held her close in a very warm embrace and recalled the taste of whiskey in her mouth as he kissed her; the glare of rushing lights as he looked into her hazy eyes, and he couldn’t resist taking her again and again. After about 30 minutes, they both lay on their backs, spent and exhausted, thoughts running through Giorgio’s mind; he was feeling different about this girl, he was thinking of asking her to stay till Monday morning.
“What is wrong with me? Am I beginning to like this girl ….?”
“No, it is impossible; she is just like every other girl I pick up at the club. Yes, she is sweeter than I ever imagined, but she is still a club girl. Besides, my feelings for any girl stops at the level of attraction as my heart is now made of stone and can’t love any girl no matter how good she is. And no girl can ever be as good as Shade, the only woman I ever loved and the only one who broke my heart ….” He was lost in thoughts until the voice cooed again, bringing him back to consciousness.
“Tell me about your love-life”
“Tell me about your girlfriend, fiancée or are you married?”
“Uhmmmm… No, I’m not married and truly I don’t have a love life”
“You are a liar, how can you not have a love-life as old and as handsome as you are?” she asked as she hits his chest lovingly
“You don’t remember my name, do you? That is why you have been calling me babe right?” she asked feigning anger
“I am sorry, it skipped my mind; you know we didn’t have much time to talk at the club”
“Well, my name is Joan; I’m from Edo State, will be 27 in two months, single and work with an insurance firm. Can we now talk about you and your love-life?”
“Well, some interesting profile you got there. I am ….” he was cut short as the doorbell rang.
“Who could be looking for me this early? Definitely not Benny, he would still be with his own chic and he wouldn’t be that eager to come in this early just to get feedback on this chic’s performance. And since it’s the last Saturday of the month; no one would want to be arrested for moving around during the monthly sanitation exercise. Then, it has to be the landlord; the man can disturb person jare”. Giorgio thought as he got up from bed.
“Ah! I hope that is not your girlfriend, I don’t want any trouble oh” Joan said as she hurriedly got out of bed and made for the wardrobe to get her clothes
“Calm down and get back to bed. I told you I don’t have a love-life; besides, this is my house, my life, and I am not answerable to anyone.” He said to her assuredly
“I know it’s your house but I don’t just want somebody to pour hot water on me this early morning oh” she said with a bit of sarcasm in her voice. She was already liking this guy in a way she couldn’t understand but this early morning intruder….
“Come here” he said as he dragged her back before she could get to her clothes and pinning her to the wall, his lips encompassing hers in a passionate and fiery overlap, “This has to be something, it has to be what they call love at first sight or is it at first touch?” Joan thought as she responded with zest of a wounded carnivore.
“Grinnnnnn, grinnnnnn” the doorbell buzzed again, breaking her thoughts and their kiss
“Please, attend to your visitor”
“Why are you sounding this way?” Giorgio asked.
“Nothing really, I am just scared a bit, I don’t want any problem”
“There won’t be any; truth is, I haven’t felt this way for any girl in a while and I wouldn’t want us to end this today”
“I understand, and I wish you could see my heart too, but please attend to whoever is at the door”
“It has to be my landlord. But if you insist, I will go and check and we shall continue from where we stopped” he kissed her again before heading to the living room clad only in his boxers.
Giorgio held the door as if in a trance; rooted to the spot and staring at the visitor like he had just seeing a ghost, his mouth agape with apparent shock, leaving him dazed and bewildered.
“Sweetheart, who is at the door?” Joan called out from the bedroom.