#DamiBants: The Lie Women Tell About Sex

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I was having a conversation about cheating and this guy said to the group: “Women do not like sex the way men do, that’s why they don’t understand cheating.” That got me momentarily confused.

Contrary to the above statement, the truth is that lot of women are into sex. Some of them even have higher sex drives than their male partners. I began to wonder… why do men feel this way? Why do they believe that their sex drive is way higher? Do they not understand that the pleasure of sex transcends the male organ? This led me to conclude that some men have been lied to by some women.

The Nigerian society is one that shies away from sex talk. It is like a forbidden topic, but when men go at it, society tends to consider it more tolerable. As a result, a lot of women have this subtle orientation that talking about sex makes you look promiscuous. When they meet men they like, a lot of women cannot speak up about what their fantasies are. They are silent about their wants and desires and because of this a lot of men just believe women do not want or need sex the way they do.

Why do so many women allow this sex lie to be part of their lives, instead of sharing and having the best sex life ever? There are many reasons.

Some of them want to feign innocence. After all, you can’t be the perfect wife material if you know all the sex moves in the world, can you? How dare the mother of his children want to be tied to a bed post and worn out? How dare she even tell him that she touched herself in a spot where he hasn’t explored and it was the best ever? But thing about it, who are you fooling?

Another man said once that he cannot see himself trying “ungodly styles” on his wife. He believed it to be disrespectful. He claimed that such sex positions and styles are what you have a girlfriend for- the “other woman” who can be disrespected. I responded to him by saying: “I would love my husband to disrespect me, please.” How can my husband not be sexually free with me? This does not justify cheating, but this is the reason he will see you as sexually stuck up. If you cannot be free with your husband, he in turn will not understand how to suggest or be free with you.

The way most women get aroused may also be a factor in the perception many men have of our sexual needs. When men get aroused, the famous hard-on happens. Some men know how to tuck neatly so the next person doesn’t see a bulging crotch. Other men do not know how to achieve this. A lot of women on the other hand get a throbbing sensation and the fountain of love erupts but who besides the woman knows this? She can lie her way out of the situation and the only way the man will know she is lying is if he puts his hand in her glory to feel the moistness.

Some women use all their strength to control themselves when they are alone with a man they are sexually attracted to. You as a man may look at her as uncomfortable around you, but in most cases it is actually the manifestation of her efforts to manage her intense sexual reaction to you. The sad part is you will never know unless she tells you.

A lot of women even lie about touching themselves. Society frowns on masturbation, they say. 90 percent or more of this same society have a go at it. How do you know what you like, if you do not explore what you have? It’s easier to publicly come out and condemn than it is to own up to acts that fulfil your sexual needs.

My personal belief is that just because women generally can control themselves when they are sexually aroused more than men can, doesn’t mean women do not want to shag like rabbits. Most women usually love to attach emotions to their sexual escapades which is why they are seen as monogamous by nature. When they stray from this expected “natural phenomenon” they are looked at as “hoes”.

Do I think women do not like sex the way men do? No, I believe a lot of women love it just the way a lot of men do; some even more. I just believe more women lie so they are not labelled “bad”. If you are one of these women you will never enjoy the full pleasure sex was meant for.

The lies women tell about sex need to end. No matter how shy they are, most women can find the man that makes them let go. It is not compulsory that you publicly declare your love for sex, but let it be known by your sex partner at least.

I mean, who wouldn’t love the lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets?


Dami Elebe

Dami Elebe

Radio Personality on The Beat 99.9 FM and Writer. Sharing opinions is a full time job. There is pleasure in letting people into your mind, fearlessly. Welcome to my unorthodox life filled with opinions. After all an opinion is like an armpit, everyone has them and most of them stink… mine sure will make you question yours.


  1. Omo. I used to think like that too o. That they didn’t like it so much. Then why do men have to suffer to get a piece of action? Why do most women make their marriages boring?

  2. well said, but i think its up to the men, to change this. A woman’s sexual preferences, has nothing to do with her qualities as a house wife, should even be a plus. From that angle, women will become less pressured to lie.

  3. MEN: They always want to be with a virgin
    WOMEN: Ever pretending to be innocent to please the men and boost their ego.
    RESULT: Eternally boring sex-life!

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