There are people who feel that they have to be someone else in order to belong to a particular crowd. Some feel that they need to lie about themselves to be seen in a particular light. Many times, people tweak themselves or completely change their history because they want to be friends with a certain group of people or to be in a romantic relationship. My question is, what is actually wrong with being YOU?
Have you ever met a guy who will spend N10 million with his mouth but only has N5,000 in his pocket? Have you met a squatter who has all his main addresses end with Ikoyi or Victoria Island, while mummy and daddy are in AbuleEgba? These questions are not intended to pull down the 5k earner or residents of AbuleEgba, but if that is your reality, why do you have to deny these situations to make other people think better of you?
In the past I have been asked to change myself to enable me make it in life. I thought long and hard about it, but I decided to be me and make it work.
I have also seen a few cases where people changed to please others. The people they hurt in the process didn’t even matter. Some instances are just plain hilarious especially when you have caught the faker in the act, unknown to them.
While I was in secondary school, I was standing by the gate with other “day” students waiting to be picked up. My ex-friend saw her dad get off a bike and looked the other way. He called her over repeatedly but she ignored him until I was forced to yell at her to go meet her father. She had seen him get off the bike and so had we; this girl literally denied him. She said he wasn’t her father but was her driver. She started looking around, murmuring to herself: “I wonder where my car is.” If I hadn’t known her father personally, I would have bought it hook, line and sinker. I had to scream at her to go meet the man. She felt so embarrassed. She had been caught in the act. I tried to imagine how hard it must have been for the man who probably figured out that his daughter was ignoring him on purpose; the shame when you feel your own child is ashamed of you. Later, she would have no qualms taking school fees bills to him for payment, but he wasn’t good enough for her in front of us.
That got me thinking… had we made her believe she had to do that? Were we so high in the class society that she had to deny her father to belong? Or were we so low that she had to show us she was boss? This is why I used “ex- friend” at the beginning of the story.
Another example of changing oneself to belong to the “it crowd” is pretending to know when the brain is screaming void. A classic case is going to a new restaurant. I love to try new things but there is a limit to my adventure. Take me out and order something you feel I would like for me- that’s much better than me pretending to know and ordering rubbish. God will not allow me purge in the name of wanting to belong.
My friend took a girl to a restaurant. The waitress brought hot towels. Instead of this “sophistico” to ask the million dollar question of how to use this particular item, she spread the hot towel on her exposed lap… she was wearing a mini skirt. This girl sat there, burning and smiling while people were laughing. The simple question would have saved her a ton of embarrassment and probably gotten her a man.
There is also the case of always trying to impress someone. Some people always want to be awesome. They always claim to have a particular item, or a ton of money, but try asking them for one thing, all they can give you are excuses. I had an ex-boyfriend like that. When he realised I knew all the tricks, he had to go play the game with someone else.
If I always act fulfilled when I need something how will I ask for help? When I am broke who will I turn to for money? Is it the folks that are hoping to beg me one day when they run out? Do I ask the people who believe I have it all? Will I be shameless enough?
Never try to be someone else for people to love you, it is a tiring job. Be you, whoever “you” is; those that want to be in your life will be there regardless. People tell me, “Dami as a celeb you should do this, you shouldn’t do that.” In the first place I am not even a celeb, I am just Dami. If I did it before the fame, I will do it after the fame. I cannot hide myself and be sad just to make people around me happy.
You have to be you because there is only one you and no one else is going to be you for you. You is amazing… not always perfect but remember this: The people you are dying to impress are human and full of flaws.
DamiElebe is a Radio Personality on The Beat99.9 FM, a passionate scriptwriter, Anonymous Blogger, Average Painter, Eccentric Sculptor, Mental Fashionista and Renowned Foodie.