An Insight into infidelity in Relationship
Some few weeks ago i got an email in d RC mailbox, it was a cry for help by a guy who just found out his fiancée has been sleeping around with his best friend who was going to b d best man @ their wedding a few months from then.
It is 1 of the very many mails i have gotten regarding infidelity in relationship from both sex. This particular one was so detailed & vivid that even i was speechless after reading what they have been through years before this incidence.
An overview of the RC mailbox itself pointed ”infidelity” as the no 1 cause of break up in relationships. Before now i had always assumed it was ”finance” guess i was so wrong or maybe there is a correlation between the two that i am yet to figure out.
The profound pattern i noticed about these stories is how the cheating partner always chalks their act down to a “mistake’’ & talks about forgiveness leaving the cheated one in a limbo of what to do. The mails usually end with the same question what should i do now?
Let me quickly state that no 2 relationship are the same. The story behind every relationship is a different 1, so d solution that works for one might not necessarily work for the other.
Personally, i am of the opinion that a relationship can survive any storm except “Physical violence & Infidelity’’. These two exceptions should always end one way, a”Break up” cuz the future detrimental effect cannot be overstated.
Cheating is a choice not a mistake like most people try 2 paints it out to be. It takes an ample amount of time, flirting & communication to have sex with somebody. U always see it coming & an adult should always take responsibility for their actions.
In every relationship we face pressure to date sum1 outside of our partner (Both the married & unmarried). It’s a standard test for every relationship, one every serious minded person should look forward to. Once 1 person falters by falling for somebody new, then that relationship was not meant to be.
No matter how ugly a person is, you will always meet other people who admire you as much as your partner or even more. People will woo u, try to buy u, show u more care &seem to bridge every gap u might have in your current relationship. The wooing phase of every relationship is a nice phase cuz you are getting all the attention, calls, gift & all. It’s that phase where everybody is trying to create a good impression consciously or unconsciously. During dating proper all those things might dwindle due to a whole lot of factor.
That factor is what a new person in the picture latch on to cuz its d impression phase for them. By then you start feeling maybe your partner doesn’t really love you. It’s all a psychological thing that leaves most people confused. Be that as it may it’s your choice to say ”Yes or No”.
You will also meet people that you like & admire alot but if u are wit somebody you love,respect & feel is the right one 4 u, u will never weaver.
In a case where u decide to give somebody else a chance in your life then it becomes obvious that your partner is lacking in so many area u are not unwilling to cope with. That is what relationships are all about; it is d process of finding out if you are willing to sign a lifetime bond with your partner. If d person doesn’t fit d description of what u want in a life partner. Tell them how you feel& move on. Any reasonable human being will understand & let you be no matter how hard it is to accept initially. You will have their respect 4 life rather than taking the 2-timing route.
When a cheat tell you they made a mistake it is survival instinct kicking in just like a thief will tell an angry mob ”It is d work of d devil”. They made a conscious choice to cheat & sex never happens by accident except of course it is rape. A mistake ”might” happen maybe just ”once”, when it happens over& over again it becomes a ”choice”. (Don’t expect to hear d true statistics… Lol… All u need to know is that it happened)
A confession by a cheating partner doesn’t necessarily mean they are repentant like most people assume. Its guilt eating them up & they sometimes need to dump that guilt. Conscience always eats people up & put them in emotional turmoil cuz they know u deserve better. So their confession is their way of dumping their guilt on u. Take their confession in good faith & do the needful. Some people believe ”ignorance is bliss” cuz they can’t stand d truth that will inevitable show up years after marriage when they are knee deep & it won’t be just their lives @ stake. Knowing the truth in any relationship will always help u make better decisions & save u d walk through the boulevard of broken family in future. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Cheating partners also come up with excuses like doubt, distance, inadequate attention& other trivial things as an excuse for their infidelity. No matter how emotionally vulnerable you are, never put up with the excuses of a cheating partner. Distance has never been a problem when 2 hearts are true. Always remember that whatever factor or excuse they give u. D same condition was applicable to u & u stayed true.
D saddest part of any infidelity bust is the fact that right there & then u know the relationship can never be the same again. There are things that ”I am Sorry”can never fix. Trust is one of those things, Trust is like a fragile glass, once broken it can never fit together again no matter how much glue you apply. That relationship can only be managed from there on. Your torment will be the imagination of them making love to somebody else; you will reply every style, moan &pleasure in your head. You will hurt every time you look @ them, every love song, things you do together, time & investment you have put into the relationship will haunt u & it will make you sick to your stomach.
Putting a person on a peddle-stone & them letting you down will defiantly hurt. The road to peace of mind demands that you forgive the erring partner but make sure u ”Move on” with your life cuz if u don’t, the storm ahead will b filled with suspicions, accusations, counter-accusations & in the end you two will become bitter old people.
The only time you should ever consider total forgiveness & wiping the slates clean is if you are doing the same tin (cheating). That way you are in the perfect relationship with no hard feelings & can always work things out.
Forgiving a cheating partner always brings about 2 things. In Rare cases (%1) a truly repentant person but in most cases (%99) a better cheat who wouldn’t change but will rue the fact that they are caught. They get beta @ d game, become a pro @hiding clues & evidence of infidelity. They close all d loop holes & it will take a genius like ‘’Roy Greco of Cheaters’’ to catch them a 2nd time. There is a timeless saying that goes “Once a cheat, Always a Cheat”. Even if they are apologetic, let them take it to their next relationship, if they ever meet sum1 who cherish them again, they would have learned a vital lesson not to take that person for granted & if they are unrepentant, you would have killed 2 birds with one stone by ‘’walking away’’.
If you decide to forgive & renew your relationship. It is important that you leave all the anger, resentment & betrayal behind. Don not judge or nag them about the past. If you are not ‘’strong’’ enough to do that, cutting them off is your best solution.
It’s amazing how sad people get when they find out about d escapades of their cheating partner. They always refuse to see the bright side but this is the part where d proverb”Every disappointment is a blessing comes into place.’’ The bright side is; that u just figured the person out for whom they truly are. If you are unmarried, u should dance”Alingo, Azonto & Etinghi” @ d next thanks giving cuz u have just been saved the future trouble of hearing your wife is fucking your best friend, neighbors or your husband is shagging d secretary or house-help while u were away from home.
If a person cheats on you, as long as u know u are a good person & u were true to them.Hold your head up high knowing deep in your heart that u put in your best, walkaway and never look back! You are not meant to be with them, it is a blessing not a curse! There are so many people in the world; you will find someone else,someone better, worthy of you, someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved, as you love them. They on d other hand will b missing out on a good person they might never find again cuz good people are rare & every-time they remember u they will realize what grave mistake they have made.
Cheating is demeaning; there is no excuse 4 it. If u see lapses in your relationship talk to your partner, don’t run into somebody else’s arms. If u truly love a person u will never cheat on them, you wouldn’t want to lose em, you will do everything in your power to make it work. The moment you decide to cheat, it means u have lost respect for them & the relationship.
Some few weeks ago, i witnessed a scene where 2 girls were fighting clothes torn, half-naked, all sweating like animal in a bull fight. I had stopped to look cuz ilove naked cat fight. When the crowd managed to pull them apart &understand what was going on. you need to see the look of shock & disappointment when people found out they were fighting over a guy. I had to ask ”where is dguy sef?”. He had slipped away during the fight while the girls were dragging themself in the mud. Suffice to say it was a shameful sight some of us were embarrassed on their behalf.
When you find out about your partners infidelity, no matter how mad or emotional you get, do not contact the other party. The only person you should face is who you are in a relationship with. Don’t get in public fight or verbal spat with anybody. You should be thankful to the other person for saving you a lifetime of pain & misery. They owe u nothing & have done u no wrong,your partner could have said ”No!”. Don’t drag your dignity or self esteem inthe gutter because of anybody, if they love & respected u they wouldn’t have cheated on u with sum1 else.
Do not blame yourself either when people cheat, it’s not your fault. U just trusted them more than they deserved but when you give them a ”2nd chance” to hurt u, then it’s your fault. Don’t change from being a good person to a monster. There is somebody out there for u who will deserve all the love & care u showed & will treat u better but once u become bitter u might just miss out on a good thing in life. Keep your values, good character & remain sweet. When you meet that person, you will forever be thankful that it didn’t work out with the person who took u for granted.
No matter how much you love sum1 do not let them make u an option, don’t be a foot mat for them that they can always trample on & com back to cuz successful relationships are built on mutual respect.
I have heard people say ”it is OK to cheat” once u are tired of a relationship. “No it is not!’’ If you are unhappy with someone or tired of a relationship, leave them.Don’t do stupid things to them, they don’t deserve it. Never ever break sum1’strust in you cuz if u do & they find out, no matter how sorry u are or how much u try to fix it, that person will never see u d same again. Finding out about your infidelity is worse than a break up.
When your partner is tired of being in a relationship with you & u can’t change their mind. Let them go, let them find happiness with whoso ever they are in love with.Do not force anybody to stay with u. Always remember that true love is not selfish. U should always watch out for the other person’s happiness (Not @ your detriment) even if they can’t find that happiness with u.
In d end a profound question you should ask any cheat is: Why cheat with someone you know you won’t keep on someone you know you don’twant to ever live a day without?
What is ur opinion on cheating or 2-timing in a relationship? Have u ever cheated or have u ever been cheated upon, how did u handle the whole drama?
Would u forgive a cheating spouse/partner?