I want to try and be serious because this is a serious issue. We have heard during the week that the hapless guy who killed his wife was sentenced to death. It was said that he inflicted on his wife multiple stab wounds which led to her death. Upon hearing the verdict, he collapsed and screamed ‘what will happen to his daughter’ this is a tragic case and a lesson for all of us both male and female.
I have head all sort of arguments on both sides. The women feel that it is their right not to be beaten no matter the level of provocation, the men feel that once they have been provoked they reserve the right to lash out. You see the problem here is that the more the provocation, the more the lashing and eventually we will get to the point where we would be having a murder case on our hands.
We must all learn the virtues of patience, we must all learn how to be respectful even at the height of provocation. Communication lines must always be kept open, we must restrain ourselves from using psychologically damaging words. Words that would follow the person for the rest of his life. This always leads to violence.
I have a friend who says, that once she is angry, she should be left alone for sometime. Once you do that, she will on her own calm down and start talking reasonably. But when you continue to harangue her, or try to calm her down she gets very irritable and lashes out. This would lead to escalation and actions that both sides would regret.
For our womenfolk, please refrain from cursing and abusing your partners mothers, it could lead to murder. Women know the important role of mothers in the lives of their men and that is usually the first port of call in a fight. I have seen men who, rather than get physical, breakdown and cry. I know the women are just trying to get back at the men and they believe using their mother is the shortest cut, but I beg it’s usually a recipe for disaster.
For men, don’t cheat, don’t lie and try your best to take care of your women. If you do all these and respect and love them, you will not see any wahala that might lead you to violence.
Domestic violence is terrible. It can damage the woman forever and this damage can take years to heal if at all. Let the case of Arowolo although pitiable be a rallying point for us all. See now, two lives have been lost and a poor girl is going to live the rest of her life with the stigma that her father killed her mother and he was hanged. All these when simple patience could have solved the matter.
Lastly, for our women, if you feel so bad about something and you want to get even, just sit down on a chair and be crying. Don’t say anything, don’t tell him know why you are crying, just be crying and you will see the gentle bear in him come out. For the guys, if you are really upset, take your father in law out. He will calm you, give you good advise cos he would have had a lot of experience dealing with his wife, her mother.
But much more importantly, learn how to say sorry genuinely. Kneel down, look into her eyes and say sorry just as the alert would be hitting her phone and you will see transformation.
God help us all and please remember Arowolo in your prayers, maybe Fashola can spare him.