@sir_castiq: How to Write a ‘Nigerian’ Hip-Hop/Pop Song

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You’ll need:
– A sh*load of weed
– Jack Daniel’s or Hennessy
– Scrabble tiles
– A Friend
– A Two storey house
– A Producer who actually knows music and can play an instrument
– A Songwriter

Step 1) Smoke the weed. All of it. You’ll need to be appropriately high so the shame of being unable to write your own songs doesn’t kill you.

Step 2) Drink the half the booze. You’ll need the rest later.

Step 3) Go to the second storey and throw all the scrabble tile to the ground floor. Get your friend to stand downstairs and try to catch as many as possible.

Step 4) Look at the tiles your friend caught, that will be the title of your song(Limpopo, Skelewu, Kukere, etc.)

Step 5) Decide which nonsensical sound you’d like to use as a filler. Common choices are “mama eh”, “Oh na na na”, and “Ee yeh yeh yeh”.

Step 6) Start recording.

Step 7) Listen to what you sang.

Step 8) Drink more booze till you stop crying about how much of a fraud you are.

Step 9) Get the songwriter to write the song lyrics but keep the title and the filler.

Step 10) Get the talented producer to cook up a mad beat to cover up the fact your song doesn’t make sense.

Step 11) Sit back and collect the money from a song you had very little to do with.

Unless you are Wizkid, in which case just cough into the microphone. It’ll still be the best release that month.




Aquarius, Sarcastic, Absent minded genius. Lagos born, raised all over the place. I love laughing, not always at people though. I love music, well when it's music. When it's 2Chains, you've lost me. Tech groupie, Gadget Surgeon, Professional Sceptic. Avid Reader. Girl Lover.


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