Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl – Episode 7 (#LOAUG)

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“Tooth brush, under wears, sun-shades, towels, make-up kit…CHECK” I made a mental note of the things I had to take home with me before bidding Jolomi goodbye and this aproko campus wearing my Louis Vuitton shades (famzing).

The journey to Ibadan seemed rather fast but then, I slept through it which is very unusual. I got home at about past six, the clouds were just beginning to come together for the night. Oh! How much I’ve missed home. Mum started greeting me as if I just flew in from Dubai. Tunde on the other hand, looked more like he had seen me all semester. “Big T” he said collecting my bag from the gateman. He calls me “Big T” to avoid calling me conventional “Aunty Tolani”.

“Aburo mi, you have grown o, what have you been eating?” I said sizing him up and standing next to him to confirm how much taller he’s grown since my last trip home.

“Big T, its good food  o, abi wetin man go do?” he said with a chuckle

“Tolani, my daughter, how are you? How was your journey?” Dad said in Yoruba before I greeted him as we entered into the living room.

After the greetings and general welcome back home chat, I showered to cleanse off ‘uni life’ and travel dust just before I sat down to eat my Amala with Gbegiri and Ewedu soup- Ibadan style – reasons I love my mum – she knows the perfect way to her child’s heart.

Right after my king size feast, I hit the bed in no time.

I dragged myself out of bed, the next morning to the living room, lazily sinking into the couch after slotting a DVD to play a film. Halfway through the first episode of Revenge, someone knocked, “who could possibly come here at 9am on a Monday morning?” I said turning to confirm the actual time. Alas! It was 20 minutes to midday already. I removed my hair net and packed my hair trying to look lazily sexy enough for whoever it was.

“Good morning, please I am asking after Tunde?” she politely asked.

“Come in, let me check if he is still inside” I replied opening the door wide enough to ease her tiny frame in.

“Tunde, Tunde” I called as I ran up the stairs to his room. “Someone is asking after you downstairs o, na babe” I added. He was applying his SURE stick roll-on.

“Big T, I’m coming, help me keep her company, no elder sister behaviour o” He muttered.

I returned downstairs to the fair-skinned lady and told her he was coming. “Revenge abi, what season is this?” she asked, seconds after I continued watching. “Yeah. Season 1,” I answered rather abruptly.  She was still talking about how interesting it was and how she had watched almost all the seasons when Tunde came down.

“Michelle, sorry for keeping you waiting, I was just…” he said without hoping to finish the sentence.

”So what can I offer you? Brandy, Whisky, red wine, soft wine” He asked.

“Juice would be good” Michelle replied. He returned with the juice almost immediately. I was so tempted to remain in the living room just to make sure nothing unclean happened – as a big sister – on second thought, the babe came from her house to see Tunde and by God, she had to see him.

“Tunde, I kinda have a headache so I’d just be in my room” I said standing up from the couch. “Make yourself comfortable, Michelle” I said as Tunde was giving me a thumbs up discreetly .

Later that day,

“Tunde, so what happened?” I asked

“When” Tunde replied

“With that babe, ehn, Michelle”

“Nothing joor, she drank juice, we talked and I dropped her off at Challenge”

“What juice? You gave her juice?”

“Abeg o, na u know ooo”

“One of these days, mumsie go catch you o”. With that, he stormed out of the kitchen. I don’t know when Tunde became this. He was all-smooth and cropped, with his beards and well-groomed moustache, you would easily mistake him for a 23-year-old man, and the boy is just 19 o.


Meanwhile Tunde was having more lady-visits than a modelling agency, we still had time for our driving lessons, which had been quite tasking and fun, I like the feeling of control driving gives me, so when he said we had to drive early, I thought it was another babe coming.

At around 3.00pm, the same day, he was pacing up and down, looking for one thing or the other.

“Tunde, what’s happening? This one that you just going up and down” I asked

“My hair brush, I have to brush my hair”

“I have one, check my wardrobe, wey you dey go sef?”

“Me I dey go Dome, I no fit come Ibadan come dey dull myself”

“What’s happening at dome?”

“My G’s birthday party

I don’t know why I decided to go with him maybe to make sure he doesn’t get drunk then bash the car or maybe I just didn’t want to come to Ibadan and dull myself too. I jumped into the bathroom after telling him to press my clothes. I drove to the junction before he took over the wheel from me.

“Big T, please no elder sister behaviour!” He read the riot act as soon as we made the turning into the space in front of the Dome. He always said that anytime we went anywhere together. Without any reply, I stepped out of the car waiting for him to lead the way.

As soon as we stepped into the party space and apparent special table“Hey baby, I thought you weren’t coming again,” she said hugging Tunde tight giving me the ‘this-is-my-man, you-better-back-off’ look over his shoulder.

“Ode, if only you know you knew that you are not even in his top ten, idiot” I said to myself as I pulled out my chair to sit down. It wasn’t even like a real birthday bash, it was more like a few people nursing drinks and enjoying music. Tunde quickly introduced me as his sister before his “girlfriend” tore me apart with her eyes.

“Chapman, please” I wasn’t going to get drunk around some over grown teenagers. “Here comes that birthday boy,” Someone at the other table hailed. I looked up from my phone to see a chocolate-skinned face with moustache just forming below his nostrils in a shiny black jalabiya. After he greeted everybody, he took his seat beside me; he didn’t have a choice that was the only free chair.

“More meat,” he said. I didn’t know he was talking to me till he nudged me.

“No thank you” I replied with a plastic smile

“Watching your weight, babes and that jargon”

“No, but you make it sound like it is a babe only thing”

“Sure nah, we guys, we just live life as it comes. No qualms, No worries”

“That’s a lie; I’ve met guys who watch their weight too”

“They have to be gay” He interjected.

“But it is not really about weight, it’s majorly about being and looking healthy” I was getting interested.  From the corner of my eye, I saw Tunde’s girlfriend nodding like an agama lizard in affirmation.

We continued talking, switching topics from music to lifestyle till he opted out saying “you really know how to dot your I’s. You sound like the go-to person for a good conversation. We should talk often you know, what’s your BB pin?” He asked cheerily.

“Only God knows where this one is now,” I thought typing Tunde’s number to call him.

P.S: I am a writer although I might not be able to tell my story adeptly but I can do that completely and truthfully.



MEET T-LINES for the past 13weeks or more you have been reading the escapades and sexcapades of Tolani Gbadamosi popularly known as Lines. Somehow, someway, somewhere in your hearts resonante some sort of emotion albeit love hate, pity and even happiness and i am glad that you have taken this series very seriously and read religiously week in and week out. Now is the time y’all finally meet me. I am Gbadamosi Tolani, a character created by writer Oluwabi Mobolaji,who is a reader’s writer and a writer’s reader and yes I am a guy….. scratch that I am a man before you start with your after thoughts. Surprised ehn. Catch me as I blog irregularly on .follow me on twitter @embijay and keep with the hashtag #loaug while you enjoy the rest of your favorite series. Ciao


  1. u went 2 ur 19year old brothe’s “G’s” birthday? and even sat down and had this conversion with a probably “over grown teenager” Sad!

  2. Sarcarsim, I too dey dull with this things. Would try to catch up
    Joke, don’t mind me jarey
    Follygold, I’m glad u like it.
    Shadow, ice cool jay and jduns,thanks a lot..
    Bethelbrill, glad u like it.
    All in all, thanks to y’all. God bless. Loads of Love..

  3. Ur write-ups r so intriguing; I luv dem so much, bt u dnt link ur stories; whn u finish an episode, try & connect it wit d next; episode 7 ended whn we were eager 4 Viv story, then in episode 8, we were in ur house

  4. I must once again commend your writing skills. Its almost top notch, however I must implore you to make use of your punctuation marks well, so readers can understand u well than we already do. I at times read through and have to draw myself back. Great work nonetheless. Keep it up. Unto the next one. Lol

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