The Rise Of The One-Pack

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Nigerian girls are pioneers. They have that frontier woman spirit, so unafraid to go boldly where no one has gone before. On certain districts with metaphorical lights of a reddish nature you can find ladies willing to assist you pass your evening more productively for a fee of course, (no one is that nice).

The issue here is how brave they are. Meeting a total stranger, hopping into  his/her car and driving off to unknown places requires courage. Another matter in which Nigerian girls can and should be commended is their openness of mind. ‘Runs’ girls display an acceptance and unwillingness to judge that would not be out of place in a missionary(as long as you pay cash), then your wish is there command.

White girls put so much pressure of their guys having lists like:
*He must be tall.
*He must be good looking.
*He must have six packs.
*He must have pink lips.
*He must be funny.
*He must be a good dresser.
*He must be fit.
*He must be into me.

So much stress. The most ridiculous thing is the inequality here. Say you happen to find this unicorn of a guy, what are the chances of him sticking with you? If it was Beyonce or Rihanna speaking, this would be happily understandable. I mean, a girl like that has a lot of options. The sad thing is, some very non-Rihanna-esque “females”, to use the word quite broadly, also have these dreams.

Most Nigerian girls being well grounded in reality know that cute dudes are fine but it’s kind of hard to translate them into groceries, except maybe to distract the attendant while you shop lift. Sadly man must wack and the more he wacks, the bigger his belly is. In today’s society, a one pack on the *right guy* can be a status symbol. No matter how much english Sanusi speaks, he simply cannot appear wealthier than OBJ. It is a matter of belly. With the sharpness borne of this, club girls all over the country hone in on tables where the men can’t actually reach the table because of all the belly in the way.

There is therefore a vacancy for smart girls willing to pour drinks and rub bald heads. One may even go so far as to say, the farther you are from the table on account of your belly, the more attractive you are. I’ve personally had girls taken off me by men whose belly looked like it could hold a few small satellites in orbit. One cannot blame them sha, in these days of peruvian hair and new devices costing not less than a hundred grand each, someone has to foot the bills. The fact that someone has a daughter your age is a mere inconvenience that need not be dwelled upon.

The funniest sight I ever saw was at a hotel pool some years back. Some long legged beauty came to swim in the company of either a upright hippo or a small fat man in a very ugly pair of swim trunks. The dude got in the pool, while le beauty was doing laps up and down its length, he got onto one of those floating beds and lay in the sun. I almost drowned. I looked away (if you’ve seen a pretty girl swimming, you’ll understand why) and on looking back I saw the closest a human will ever come to resembling a pregnant cockroach in water and fell into the pool laughing. I think pretty girl must have caught on because she started to laugh then stopped herself and frowned at me. All in all, t’was fun.

Moving on, sexy has been redefined these days. What was once the preserve of tall, muscle bound hunks with chiselled jaws and blue eyes now belongs to anyone with a fat enough wallet, whatever he looks like. Some people frown at this, calling the girls materialistic but the way I see it, it’s the same bloody thing. Survival of the fittest. And who is fitter than a guy who can both hire runners, bribe the judges and buy the bloody stadium?

No guesses as to who wins that race. The jock may be seven feet tall but here we have a man who, if he stands on his wallet, can touch the sky.

I’m very busy currently, but drop a line @sir_castiq on twitter to say hi.

*The “Right” here being very important. You wouldn’t want to get involved with a truck driver, they tend to have big bellies, lots of beer causes this. They may not be what you’re looking for.



Aquarius, Sarcastic, Absent minded genius. Lagos born, raised all over the place. I love laughing, not always at people though. I love music, well when it's music. When it's 2Chains, you've lost me. Tech groupie, Gadget Surgeon, Professional Sceptic. Avid Reader. Girl Lover.


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