#LetterToMyNext: “I’m Going To Be Selfish” by @DayrinmartiN

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Happy Saturday folks! How’s the weekend going?

It’s your regular date with the Letter To My Next series, and tonight we have @DayrinmartiN in the building. Enjoy.

Dear next,

All of my life I have been a giver, I give too much, I sacrifice too much, I mother too much and I forgive like it never happened. I am not a crazy bitch that will slap the girl she sees you with, get drunk to stupor, cancel plans with you if don’t make it on time, not cook and clean for you because it comes out as slavery, not have sex with you even though I don’t want to, heck! I am the type that does whatever to keep my man happy. I’m the type that will not ask for money, not care if you don’t buy me fancy things, wont mind spending the little chicken change I have, satisfied with being the one to call you, see ehn! I was a lover girl. I was the girl you could satisfy with little things, the one that thought she was being loved and not lobbying for love and I was doing it not because I’m desperate, but because that is just me.

So you see next, these rules are going to change.
I am not going to be romantic until you try to
I am not going to make love to you until we can truly be in love
I am not going to go out of my way until you genuinely can
I am not going to introduce you to anyone as my boyfriend until I am sure you truly are
I am not going to visit your home until I find one in your heart
I am going to expect gifts from you else I’m not letting you in
I am not going to cancel dates with other guys until I can make out you are serious
I am not going to place you above my girlfriends
I am not going to break my grandmother’s 10pm curfew
I am not going to cook or clean until you can carry my bag in public
I am not going to share my pains until I can tell how brave you are
I am not going to pretend I am not troublesome to see if you can deal with me

I am going to be selfish to discover if you’re worth the real me. To discover if you’re worth every drop, taste and flavour of undiluted love that I have bottled up. I don’t intend to make you pay for what the ex did, but I have discovered that healthy selfishness is what will let the “ex” in “next” remain in it. So I am hoping that when you find me you’ll understand me, that there won’t be another next and that you would be sincere and genuine enough to make me love and have a reason to be me again.

********

Wow! Deeeeeep!

See you again tomorrow!

Wana

Wana

Quo non Ascendam. Writer.
E-mail: wana@360nobs.com

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