The insertion and thrusting of a male’s penis, usually when erect, into a female’s vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction; also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex. Other forms of penetrative sexual intercourse include penetration of the anus by the penis (anal sex), penetration of the mouth by the penis or oral penetration of the vulva or vagina (oral sex), sexual penetration by the fingers (fingering), and sexual penetration by use of a strap-on/ dildo. These activities involve physical intimacy between two or more individuals and are usually used among humans solely for physical or emotional pleasure and commonly contribute to human bonding. (Wikipedia)
To fuck, to screw, to bang, to reproduce, to copulate, to pork your lover, to booger my bed, to hump your honey, to get laid, to lay some pipe, to hide the salami, to slam (or to get slammed), to burry the bone, to stuff the donut, to moisten the carpet, to dine in the Y, to munch on the rug, to slam the hen, to shoot the sherbet, to whack Willy Wonka into Wonderland, to yodel in the mighty fairy-infested, stinky, and yeast-infested canyon of love, etc.
There are undoubtedly many more, which I have forgotten at this time but a lot of people seem to have different slang for sex. Anyways enough of the definitions, my actual interest here is what people refer to as good sex, I hear people say stuff like if you prefer food to sex then you aren’t having the right type of sex or sex over this over that, these quotes got me thinking what exactly is good sex or an amazing sex? Just so we clear am not the type to Google up things like meaning of sex or how to please your partner and all but I had to here so that you will understand what I am talking about. In my opinion I think good sex is an illusion, what is an amazing sex for you might be crap sex for another, you know all I can say is there is sex and there is SEX.
All these definitions are just grammar because when you have an amazing sex, you won’t care about what it is been called by a lay man or not. I had to come up with something new, because Beatrice will be visiting this weekend.
Beatrice changed my life. I met her in church or more like I see her in church, the normal catholic church scenario, especially in my parish where we all have to stroll to the alter in an arranged form for the second offering… as a young boy I always attended the normal 6’oclock mass like I can’t miss it for anything just so I don’t get stuck with my parents going for the 10 o’clock mass, bad enough it makes me look like mummy’s boy, my mum always manages to make matters worse by rubbing my head in public, adjusting my shirt, or telling me where to sit, sometimes I feel like screaming “woman get a grip am 20 not 12 if my shirt is rumpled maybe you should consider what if the ladies like it like that or what if I just want to sit not so close to you in church” oh well.
The 6:00 mass kind of got stuck because even after I got my own place in Ikoyi, I still attend 6:00 mass on Sundays. Recently I decided to move from 6:00 to 7:30 mass, this was where I saw Beatrice.
Beatrice is everything a guy can ask for in a girl, she is light skinned, a 5’8 in height, she has the slimmest waist ever, and she wears the nicest outfits (I literally look forward to see what she wore to church every Sunday) it always looked good.. For me as a guy, church grounds were off limit for picking up girls so I never even considered her (doesn’t mean I shouldn’t notice her). One Sunday after church, my friend Fred called me up
Fred: what’s up now? What’s good?
Me: I’m cooling mhen! Anything for mans?
Fred: nothing, coming over to yours now, get ready o. there’s a pool party in Victoria garden city
Me: hian, who is hosting?
Fred: ogbeni why you acting like a babe, naa you dey wear bikini? Hahaha
Me: I can’t be loitering about; you know I have an image to protect
Fred: I wonder who is the babe deceiving you, just so you know babes otipoju for the party
Me: ahn ahn, why didn’t you tell me since naa please come a.s.a.p.
Fred: as a bad guy?
Me: you gats chew something
In less than 30 minutes I was ready and pulled up, we drove in my car. Fred didn’t lie though when we got to the party it looked like it was a Victoria’s Secret party, so many girls they were literally everywhere you looked. I picked up a cup, bottles of Hennessy were littered everywhere. So I mixed up a drink for myself , I couldn’t even find the stupid friend of mine that dragged me out here, oh well I told myself “what do you do at a party filled with girls and booze?” there’s was only one typical answer, get drunk and mingle, if you are lucky you might go home with one. As I was about to get started with my drink, I felt a tap on my shoulder, you? I turned slowly to see who it was; standing there was Beatrice wearing the sexiest one piece bikini ever.
Beatrice: hey, you
Me: hi (smiling at her)
Beatrice: you attend the church of assumption?
Me: yes I do, seen you a couple of times
Beatrice: I knew it, you looked so familiar. Smiling she said jokingly ‘why do you always look so good” distracting all the youngies in church
Me: guilty as charged (Laughing), what’s your name?
Beatrice: oh Beatrice she said
Me: nice, I’m Dennis …. I couldn’t get my eyes off her body, we talked for a bit about so many random stuff, till her friend came over to talk to her so I quickly asked if I could call her or if she had a blackberry she smiled and said yes, she took my phone and dial her number she said “call me” (in my mind all I could say was yes! Yes!! Yes!!!) I was fulfilled like I closed a deal, I was so happy I even saw some of my friends at the party.
The whole time I couldn’t get my eyes off Beatrice’s body, that was all I could think about. Sometimes when I lost sight of her, I worry she left without even saying goodbye then I will see her chatting away with her friends… the night ended on a good note, when I got home that night I called Beatrice but strangely we seemed to have a lot to talk about, she was 23 and I was 5years older than her.. we talked for like two weeks, as cheesy as it may seem, I was happy just talking with her.
Then one day, Beatrice called and wasn’t sounding so good, I asked what the problem was, that was the day I found out that some women are horniest right before they come on (start their period)… after she said she was horny, we laughed so hard about it. basically we laughed it off.. It was Wednesday, before we got off the phone, she asked what I was doing after work I said nothing probably play video game with the boys then drink later. We exchanged goodbyes and she hung up
I got home from work, poured myself a drink, and without thinking slumped down in that comfortable familiar chair in front of the TV. My mind was blank, today was like yesterday and the day before that. Even the network news seemed to be playing the same old stories over and over again.
Mercy, my last girlfriend may have been the last straw for me. I approached that relationship with patience and optimism. I was determined to take all of my previous failures and learn from them.
I did everything perfectly, or so I thought. Finally I gave up on trying with girls. I didn’t crave company or the desire to have sex; I became a non-descript dull version of myself.
I was lost in thoughts till the doorbell distracted me, I got up went straight to the door, Beatrice was standing there, staring at me, she looked so pretty, I let her in she sat across but then she offered to play video games with me, “wow I didn’t know you played” she replied in a low tone “am not that good though so don’t get all excited”, she stood up and slumped in a seat next to me, as I was about to hand her the controller, she kissed me, I was a bit surprised but I didn’t want to stop so I kissed her back, she kissed me like she was hungry, she started for my shorts, I couldn’t think straight, all I could think of was to get my shorts off, my dick was as hard a rock, she didn’t stop, I wanted to live , sleep, wake in that moment.
Finally I struggled out of my shorts and before I could say anything she slipped my dick into her mouth, it was so warm and wet! It was mind blowing, she went in a rhythmic motion grabbing my balls, she was literally sucking my dick, gradually move her hands up and down, it was like a blow job and hand job at the same time. Beatrice turned to me and kissed me, so I slid my hand up her side to touch her breast. I could feel the lump of her nipple even through her bra. She shuddered when I did that, she let out a sigh.
“My tits are kind of small.” She told me, but they felt just fine to me. I reached down to touch her knee, but she stopped me, she reached under her dress, hooked her panties and slid them down and off giggling.
I slid my hand up her leg, found her lips. They were swollen up, slick, Beatrice was certainly ready to go. She was fully shaved. I felt my finger slide inside of her with ease. Her head tipped back, “ahhhh” escaped her lips.
I tipped my hand down the front of her blouse, and inside her bra. Her nipple felt enormous, the tip stuck out so far I could easily roll it with my fingers. I got rid of her bra and her top, she pushed her skirt up to her waist, she was sloppy wet, then i went down on her, she tasted so good or maybe I’ve been horny for a long time, then I started thrusting in and out of her wetness with my tongue, she cried out several time, I slowly slid my tongue to her clitoris then she let out a loud moan, she cried “fuck me now”, I got up slowly slid my dick into her vagina, it was the tightest vagina ever. Immediately I remembered I didn’t even have my condom on and quickly as fast as I could I pulled out my dick, she turned to me all worried, “what’s the matter?”. “I forgot to wear a condom” I said, she chuckled and said oh that? Doesn’t matter but if you insist she pulled her bag laying across the bed and handed me a condom, first I was impressed, secondly it was a perfect fit, how did she even know my size? Has she been scoping me? But the answers to these questions were the last things I could be bothered about.
I pulled her down then slipped 2 fingers into her vagina, she cried out the she started moved up and down to the thrust of my fingers, as I was fucking her with my fingers, I also played with her clitoris using my thumb, the frequency increased, then she stopped, knelt down, bending forward with her back so low to the bed, I could see her wetness from behind then slowly I slipped inside, my God! I can’t explain the feeling she screamed out “go faster” I held her waist and started slamming in and out of her so fast, her insides felt so warm we went on for quite some time then she screamed “am coming” the mere sound of her voice almost made me cum at that moment, I couldn’t control myself, It felt like electric current passing through me, for a split second I forgot about everything in the world I didn’t know when I cried out “please hold me” she chuckled, we both climaxed at the same time. And I fell on the bed.
We were both silent for a while I didn’t know when I slept off. I opened my eyes to the smell of fried plantain from the kitchen, I dragged myself lazily out of bed, threw on my sweat shirt and strolled to the kitchen, Beatrice was standing there butt naked, she looked so pretty, she didn’t even notice till I said “hmm,what are we eating?” she leaped “oh God, you scared me, anyways I got hungry and decided to fry plantain with egg”. I watched her walk around the kitchen trying to dish the plantain, she said “will you just stand there or at least try to help me with this”, I walked into the kitchen passed the flat plates to her then she dished the food, she walked over to me she said “who doesn’t have chicken franks in their freezer” then she gave me this dubious smile and said maybe we could use what we have, laughing, she said “when the desired is not available, the available becomes the desired”.
She slowly slid her hands down my chest stopped below my belt region, she held my dick in her hands, I could feel a bugle, I was hard again!, in the quest of trying to be a gentle man I uttered so stupidly, “our food will get cold”, but Beatrice reply was “that’s why you have a microwave. She pushed me the extreme wall I tried to go down on her but she said you fucked me upstairs now it’s my turn to fuck you.
Before I could reply to her statement she took my nipple in her mouth, she slowly teased the hard tiny stone with her tongue, biting, licking, I was stone hard all I wanted right there and then was to fuck her, before now I never had sex with any girl in my kitchen not even with my ex- girl. Lost in my fantasy, she said now run along, go get a condom upstairs, as I was about to move she pulled me in and whispers “I’m going to show you how to treat a man”… I left the kitchen panting, I ran as fast as I could to my bedroom, snatched the condoms and headed downstairs, I almost fell on the stairs…..