Girls eh, can’t leave ’em, can’t live without them. I think I’ve figured it out. The whole relationship stuff. Not totally though, but enough to get it to work. We as humans tend to be a little to focused on our needs. When we pair up with someone, we think about them too, but we tend to do it from our own point of view. Understandably, this leads to quite a few problems. You forget her birthday, or your anniversary, she gets angry. You understand her being irate but surely there is no need to take it this far. I mean it isn’t like you stopped loving her or being there for her. A single date just slipped your mind. You’ve been good all year. You should get a pass, right? No short answers here.
It isn’t that simple. The issue here is what it means to her. To you, it’s her birthday and understandably special, but not more important than the term paper you have to turn in. From her end, this is how it looks. She’s been building up to it for months. The funny conversations you have about things she’d like. The way she always brings it up somehow. She’s spent months anticipating all the love you are going to shower on her that special day and you go and forget. Something that has been looming in her mind for months slips your mind. Properly framed, you can see why she’d get that angry.
A common problem dudes have with the girlfriend is the sex one. The first two months, she’s all over you like you invented sex. Skip to three months later and amorous entreaties are met by complaints about head aches and having a tiring day. I’m not saying that is always an excuse. Even the randiest guys would pass it up after a gruelling 13 hour shift. Sometimes when she says no, it’s because she isn’t getting as much as you are out of it. In the beginning of the relationship, you burn through pages of the Kamasutra, rutting every second like rabbits in heat. Later, you settle into a regime doing mostly only what is guaranteed to get you off. The question is, does it get her off?
I’ll confess, I read Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden. Initially, I was scared about the depth and intensity of female sensuality. I mean, how can a guy keep up? I spoke to a few girlfriends, not the ones I’d dated. Those tend to tell you what you want to hear. I spoke to the ones whom our conversation never strayed too far from the platonic. They all agreed on something. Fantasies are like fried rice. Delicious, but nobody wants to eat it everyday. They’d rather have such crazy mind blowing orgasmic throw down a few times a month. That’d be enough to keep them happy. You see, if a girl knows you’re in it for her happiness as well as yours, she’ll be more likely to give in to your advances. No need to break out the Hungarian tongue twister every single session. Too much of a good thing ruins it. Just keep your skills sharp and surprise her regularly.
Another problem I’ve had to grow through is the money issue. In my first year in University, I often hung out with girls older than me. To bridge this age gap, I’d often spend a large percentage of my money buying gifts for them. I thought pouring money in would make the relationship more balanced. How wrong I was. There were too many willing to spend my cash. I didn’t get to have sex with all of them. To most, I was just this sweet guy with a crush and an open wallet. I met someone. I don’t know why she took me seriously, but she sat me down and explained a few things to me. Girls do not need your money to live. Besides a few from very poor backgrounds, most girls have enough money to tend to their day to day needs. A well thought out gift can be sweet, but swamping a girl makes it seem like you are trying to make up for a deficiency. She did teach me a few other things but I’m keeping this post PG. I learnt my lesson and I was able to say no to those one who would like to use me.
Lastly, when it comes to the chase, your best weapon is confidence. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is based on a surplus of social capital; Arrogance is what happens when little boys try to fake confidence. You get all these kids who make a pass at a girl and insult her when she refuses. It might make you feel better, but it ruins your reputation and marks you as a little bitch. Working up the courage to say hi to a girl might be hard, but doing it does not guarantee a yes. It’s being a big boy that allows you to make little of your wins and shrug off your losses. It’s supposed to be a fun game so don’t take it so seriously bro. Manners, wit, a sense of style, and a sense of humour mark the successful ladies man.
I’ve said enough on the issue, to hear me rant a bit more, follow me on twitter @sir_castiq.