Opinion: F**k the User – Apple Inc. ft Tim Cook

share on:

I’m a strange kind of guy. I’d often do a double take at a cute girl on her laptop in a library. She’d smile, I smile. I’d walk over and my first words would be “ssd or hdd?”. I’m sure you can see why she’d be disturbed but I’d pick Apple over apple bottom jeans any day. Sadly, I don’t use an iPhone. Nothing’s wrong with them. It’s just that at the first sign of trouble I like to get down into the bowels of the phone and fix it. Apple sadly doesn’t let me do that and so it’s a rooted android for me. However, I’ve always loved the design of the iPhones. If you are going to spend over a hundred grand on a phone it makes sense to get one that helps you set P :D. Apple’s been a bit lazy in the innovation department and with the introduction of the 5S and the 5C, it’s become a bit hard to ignore the elephant in the room. Apple simply doesn’t care about its customers. Here’s why I think so:

It’s more exploitative: Face it, the iPhone is a status symbol. Using an iPhone, you seem to have better taste, deeper pockets and more class than the average BB toting AFC. Keying into this fact, Apple released a plastic iPhone (the 5C) for close to the price of the iPhone 5 and put the new 5S at a higher price point while ceasing production of the iPhone 5. This means the “elite” phone shoppers will have to fork out more cash for 5S or risk being lumped with the uncool shiny plastic toting wannabe iPhone buyers. Ceasing production of the iPhone 5 slashes its resale value, so your iPhone 5 wont fetch as much as it should in the secondhand market. It’s currently 79k and will probably drop lower by the September 20th release date.

It scratches: Apple has a multi-million dollar research facility. Most of this is housed in a futuristic spaceship-like building called the Apple Campus. On the grounds you’ll find hundreds of hackers, designers, Ux geeks and other tech industry wizards. I’ve never seen such a vivid example of too many cooks ruining the broth. It’s a basic fact. Aluminium scratches. One would think so many smart people would know this. You know what scratches more than aluminium? Anodized aluminium. In a phone so loved for its looks, one would think this would be a major concern. The iPhone 5S comes in colours like Space Grey, Gold and White. I’d go for the white though. It won’t look too bad when only bits of the paint are left.

The fingerprint reader: Nigeria as a country, has acquired a reputation as a nation of silver tongued scoundrels. G boys, Yahoo boys, whatever you call them, have done their best to put Nigeria on the map for fraud. I’m not going to go into the morality of it but these same boys are the Apple’s largest customer base in the country. In between the American government’s snooping and Apple’s improved bio-metric security, it’s easy to see that Apple is putting this important demographic at risk. The more yahoo boys caught by law enforcement, the lesser the number of Apple products sold. I’m just saying.

It’s bling: Two chains, Lil wayne, Gucci Mane. While Lil wayne may have been an actual rapper, the other two are just terrible. There is one thing they all have in common, a lack of class. One of the colours the 5S is available in will be gold. It’s hard to be smugly superior when you are holding the phone equivalent of stripper tattoo. Bling just isn’t classy.

There’s a better one due soon. We all hate S years. Apple re-releases an old phone in a different colour and some minor addition other companies have been offering for years (Samsung has offered NFC technology since the S3, while blackberry offered it in the Bold 5. It’s only just being included in the 5S.) iPhone users tighten their grip on their wallets and stick fingers their ears when Jony Ive’s dulcet tones are heard. The reason is this, the real iPhone is the next one. The iPhone 6 will be better and cooler than the 5S and probably close to the same price too. Like a wedding night with Rihanna, it’ll probably be worth the wait.

Apple’s reign in the smartphone market is fast fading. The first quarter of 2013 showed 80% of smart phone sales going to android phones. With Google’s acquisition of Motorola and the introduction of the flagship Moto X and Microsoft’s acquisition of Nokia, Apple faces a lot of competition. They have been ahead by consistently producing the best looking phones but the new cadre of phones like the LG G2, the Moto X, the Sony Xperia Z1, the Samsung Galaxy S4, and even techo’s Phantom A+ are pretty good looking and toting hardware the iPhones aren’t. Maybe the 5C will allow Apple access to the mid-range market, but since it’ll be probably starting at around 80 – 100k, maybe not. My advice? Get an android and learn to use it. It’ll be the best buy you make this year.

Follow me on twitter @sir_castiq for more of my deranged rantings.

Redd-Berckley

Redd-Berckley

Aquarius, Sarcastic, Absent minded genius. Lagos born, raised all over the place. I love laughing, not always at people though. I love music, well when it’s music. When it’s 2Chains, you’ve lost me. Tech groupie, Gadget Surgeon, Professional Sceptic. Avid Reader. Girl Lover.

21 comments

    1. This guy is so full of shit he doesn’t even know the headquarters he refers to as a “spaceship” is far from complete.
      And Google Finance; in it’s distain for AAPL has stooped to a new in allowing an article with a headline like this
      to be published, when Tim Cook did not and would never say such a thing.
      These are the most inane lies I have seen in weeks,

  1. Fingerprint authentication, NSA, Nigeria, S, Androidrulz, NFC (it’s not even in the 5S dumbs), paint will chip off (what?), blah blah blah. Guess those long lines in all the Apple stores today are for new iPods or something.

  2. Why is this a surprise? Apple has been doing things like this forever-adding some minor changes just to get their loyal (overly-so) customers to buy the newest offering prematurely.

  3. What kind of drugs are you smoking?? I dont think you know anything about Apple or anything at all for that matter. Why dont you keep your stupid opinions to yourself instead of wasting my time and all of the other readers who clicked on this article, I want the last 3 mins of my life back.

    1. Do you even know anything about the iPhone, NFC chip, really, where did you hear that?? Gold is not just bling, by the way, many people like gold and the bling loving idiots only stole the idea because they think it looks good, but as they fade in time, gold will still be here and the world will always love it. Go do some reasearch before you write another article. How did you sneak this article past your editor anyway I wonder???

  4. I have seen opinionated reports that are out of touch with reality (if not downright in error), but this one takes the cake. I am glad he is happy with the smartphone he has, I’m just glad I don’t have it.

  5. Samsung sponsored this. iPhone 5 has no big changes? Lol, 1st phone to scan fingerprint, watch galaxy s5 copy apple and add a finger scanning option. Samsung always copies and adds a little to make it look “better”.

    1. Samsung phones are looking so nice but not very durable phones (typical Samsung products!) compared to iPhones. People should look up articles about NFC and why Apple abandon the NFC technologies for good reasons. That’s is why we (my family) all put out Android phones to trash.

    2. Sorry but Android has had finger print scanners in the past, i think it was around 2011 onwards with several phones, i guess this time Apple adds a little to make it look “better”, much like all those new features in iOS7, all copied from android and windows phones. The 5s has to have the most copied things of any other phone ever made.

    1. you can say negative things, like battery life being not so great as other phones or wish they’d have external memory etc. just stay away from nonsense. We don’t like that 😉

  6. Aluminum chipping off? Really? Don’t think apple intended for people to use it as a hockey puck! Gold bling? Say what? Want big screen phones like Samsung? Sure you’ll look great in this (http://zagg-blog.s3.amazonaws.com/community/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/cellphone1.jpg). Besides, you know what they say about people trying to compensate for by getting bigger phones! Nigeria? finger print scam? You all over dawg…Bah….

    The best thing I ever did with my Galaxy is shut it down. Windows….meh.

  7. Why would Google put a obscure Nigerian website in their listings? Was it the only negative report to be found? Google must be feeling the heat, so much to ape, so little time…
    Anyways enjoy your 2 minutes of fame guys…

  8. This article, albeit entertaining, is a steaming pile of dogsh*t. If you don’t like Apple, fine (I’m with you, believe me). But don’t write an article titled “F**k the User – Apple Inc. ft Tim Cook” then offer indiscriminate ramblings about fingerprint readers and case scratches to support this unbelievably stupid and convoluted conclusion. You are an absolute hack and this article is total and complete garbage. I can only hope someone will poetically melt an aluminum iPhone case into a bullet and mercifully put you out of your (and our) misery.

Leave a Reply