One of the biggest miracles of the human existence in my opinion must be how we bond – so easily and totally. Could be with family, or a random individual. It doesn’t matter that you have lived fifty something years of your life just fine when someone walks into your life for a month or two, maybe two weeks even, and it feels as though your life can’t go on without them.
It’s always a wonder how a total stranger from a few weeks back can feel like the missing piece in the puzzle – sometimes you aren’t even aware something was missing. Then I wonder, why do we hurt so badly when people leave? Does our life (world) stretch like a rubber band and make room for one more, and then lose its elasticity and refuse to return to its original size afterwards?
Wikipedia defined human bonding as “the process of development of a close interpersonal relationship; could be between family members or friends, teams or groups where people spend time.” This can include your work place and that explains the sentiments that hold you back even when one needs to resign for obvious reasons (asides the worry of the next place of employment or capital to start your own business of course).
“It’s a mutual interactive process and is different from liking. It’s characterised by emotions such as affection and trust.” The longer these people are around us, the harder it seems to be able to go on without them.
Two guys once had a conversation before me a while back. Guy A had dated this girl for about 7 years and recently decided she’s not what he wants in a woman and he’s not sexually attracted to her. Mind you, she’s a virgin in her thirties and this had been her first and only relationship.
So he opted for the break up method of giving her all the clues that’s he’s no longer in the relationship but she blatantly refused to acknowledge the very glaring signs thrown in her face daily. He had to come out straight eventually. He told her to move on.
He was sharing this with Guy B, telling him how devastated the girl was and how her simple response was “I don’t know how to go on without you.”
Of course guy B tongue lashed her saying how he thinks she’s really stupid to still want to hold on when the guy was clearly not interested anymore. Calling her desperate for marriage and all. But beyond all of that, her character reflected to me the way you feel when you (are about to) lose someone you’ve connected with on a certain level for a long time at that.
Bonding, when the going is good and you’re experiencing the bliss of affectional ties, feels like the greatest blessing. At other times when it is the cause of your pains, you need to convince yourself its not a curse. Either way, bonding is beautiful. I’d rather hurt after getting a chance to connect with an amazing person, than spend the rest of my life wondering what it could have been.
Would you share my thoughts on this? Is there anyone you might have had a strong connection with boy or girl, who you felt broke your heart? How does one move on from a heartbreak – of any kind? Should we not bond at all but remain soulless so that separation doesn’t become an issue? How important is it for a mother or father to bond with a child – is it necessary? These are the few questions I have.