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I can’t boast of being the most romantic or the best at showing a man how deeply I feel about him, but over the years I’ve  belonged to the school of thought that if a man and woman (guy and babe) are to be together, they ought to be each other’s best friends and stayed a firm believer. This of course excludes his male friends and male best friend.

And then you can’t imagine my shock when some years back, I was listening to the radio as a fresh out of school graduate in my early 20s who was looking forward to experiencing family life in the nearest future. The topic was something related to friendship in marriage and then some married woman calls in and says, “I think friendship in marriage is over-rated. My husband and I were not friends before we got married. And I wouldn’t say we are now but we’ve been married for over seven years and still together”. * my jaw dropped*

I couldn’t find anyone to help me pick up my jaw that day.

I started to imagine what is it like in this couple’s home? Woman is a glorified house-maid and baby factory and man is a mini-god. Friendship or not, the man remains the head, don’t get me wrong; but I think there’s so much that being friends can do for a relationship. Some days the butterflies in your tummy are non-existent and friendship is the only thing that will keep you from detesting your other half.

Earlier in the year, a guy I know got married. And still he’s in the habit of uploading this other married woman’s picture as his blackberry display picture, with accompanying messages like ‘My best friend. No woman like you.’

*sigh* And each time I see this, I not only feel sorry for his wife, I feel like this guy doesn’t have any respect for her. Rubbing it in the face of his wife, her friends and family (who are on his BlackBerry Messenger Contact List) on social media like that. OK, My opinion!

You’re probably saying; ‘What if my best friend is taken?’

To that I say; Find another woman who can grow to be your best friend and stick with her. And vice versa. Girl, you can’t be dating one and be best friends with another, rubbing it in the boo’s face and expect that it’s okay.

Credit: theromancefiles.com

And if your ‘best friend’ is now married to someone else, kindly leave them alone and stop being the bad egg. Find another best friend go front abeg. THANK YOU! Because they’ll never totally tell you how much trouble your name stirs in their home each time.

And in this era of friends with benefits, the chances of stopping at being ‘just friends’ is unlikely slim.

Credit: Azra

Or maybe I’m taking this a little too seriously. I’m curious to know what y’all think about this.

Do you feel okay dating a man who has a lady best friend who isn’t you? Ever been in a relationship where his keeping her as a ‘bestie’ is the unending stream where all the wahala you guys had came from? I would like to hear what the guys think too.



Born & christened Temitope Ishola. Fast forward to 2013..Hi, I'm Tiana #InAnyOyiboAccent. I live in my head! Curious & Like to Share my Thoughts. Somewhere in between a tom-boy and a girly girl. Nature Lover. You can follow @TS_Tiana on Twitter & Visit http://allthingztiana.blogspot.com for more.


  1. God bless this Tiana person. Soo on pointI have had this kind of issue. We quarrelled all the time cuz of her. I eventually left because I couldn’t understand why he would hold on so tight if I meant anythn 2 him. Girls (3rd party) rily need to chill. Give people their space

  2. I am almost three years into a relationship where my boyfriend has lived with me the last year and half. I fully support him financially and he has just gotten a very good job. He has a girl bf that I did not know about until the last 6 months. I have a huge problem with the disrespect she displays on FB and constantly creating date nights with him and I am not invited out. I have attempted to include her, invited her to our home etc. However, her loyalty begins and stays with him as she puts it. My boyfriend is younger than I ugh about 12 yrs and I am not sure if this is the issue??? But we are on the brinks of breaking up…he has ignored me the last 3 days because he is mad about the arguement and he says he will not ever go out with her again. There is a bigger issue here and I can’t put my finger on it. This is affecting my job and daily life because I thought we would be best friends and spend the rest or out life together.

  3. Friendship should be the foundation of a relationship that will last. Love and feelings are very fleeting. You should want him or her as a friend before you can love and stay together forever

  4. Frm best frd,cums relatn,i dont like it,wen muhubby has a lady as bestie,,is nt a gud ideal,so i ll advice evylady,who is sumone's hubby,or wife bestie,to quit.....it hurt.... says:

    Is nt a gud tin,for anyone to av a bestie outside his/her patner,it hurt,hearin or seein ur hubby alwys sayin sumtin abt a woman,so is beta for ur wife or hubby to be bestie to each oda,relatnshp,dt cums thur marriage,is more luved,dan any oda tin,,,is so bad wen u see sum men nt able to tel ur wife wht dey go thur,bt so free to tel it to a woman like her bcs she is d bestie of him,,pls to d ladies and gentle men,wen who u cal ur bestie,is married to sumone else,pls walk away frm him/her,and stp bein a bestie to who already has bestie as a life patner…..

  5. Hi Miss or Mrs. Tiana — You sure do have some strong points but how many serious minded ladies & guys have read this?

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