With the constant bombarding of all our social media platform updates with pictures of romantic marriage proposals and talk of the town wedding photos with giant-sized wedding cakes and white diamond studded exquisite wedding dress (no thanks to Bella Naija and co *rme*) you can’t help but day-dream, wish and ask yourself constantly.. “When will that be me?”
Hold on one second…………
I’m about to share with a few thoughts with you. NO..not exactly how to be married before December 2013 by fire (Haha…Gotchya. :p). But this would be worth your while…Promise!
Let’s go together through this path of totally-worth-it journey of Self Advancement. Marriage is a BIG DEAL! So sister, you ought to have in-depth knowledge of that which you so deeply desire.
Overtime, I’ve asked people a simple question…”Why do you want to get married?” And all the time I get answers that in my opinion do not justify getting married. I’ve heard reasons like;
- My mates are getting married.
Some of your mates have Masters in their chosen career and have made their first couple of millions too. Why doesn’t that bother you (as much)? We need to focus our energy on investing in our own self. You came to this world ALONE, you will leave ALONE, and when it’s time to recount your life achievements when you leave the earth, no one is counting husband and children as achievements.
Does it ever cross your mind that you have something the world needs? Look beyond all the ‘distractions’ in this world. *Don’t be a weist* #InChiGurl’sVoice. Seek daily to contribute your quota. Women possess more strength than we realize. Especially the inborn ability to multi-task. Greatness and achievement is not forbidden for women. The earlier you start to get involved in being relevant in the world, the better.
A popular singer said in her song “…strong enough to have the children, and get back to business”. When you find the husband and babies start rolling in, you’re dipped in a drum of household responsibilities. So set the foundation for a relevant life now! Baby making is not a career. You’ve got to return to business after those.
- I need a man who will take care of me
Sequel to reason number 1, being relevant in the long run brings you cash. YES! Study more, get a job…
”I’m not the office type” you say? Then learn a skill. With the loads of opportunities out there, how can you just sit and wait for a man to marry you. God gave you a brain…don’t waste valuable resources.
Some found a man to marry them and lost him to death or he got incapacitated but there are now 3 mini versions of them to feed. What next then…the husband hunt continues? Please…striving to make a living is great. Don’t just end there…strive for excellence. Achievement brings fulfilment. Thank me later 😉
- I can’t wait to start having kids
Parenting is a BIG DEAL. No, I don’t mean getting pregnant and having a baby; any 12 y.o girl can do that now. The miscreants we see everywhere are a product of sex between people who reached puberty but lacked information. If you have any information, you would never reproduce until you’re sure that baby isn’t going to be a ‘dangerous specie’. By that I mean totally irrelevant to the society, morally bankrupt, criminally minded and even bringing more pain to the world. There’s already more than enough pain as it is.
Hardened criminals were brought to the world as innocent babies. They wouldn’t have turned out that way if they had good parents. Parents to teach them morals and values, to guide them aright, to make sure they are properly educated, to give them advice about life issues and not leave them to their ignorant peers.
Nobody will crucify you if you buy a life-size Barbie doll to play with. But becoming a parent is so much more than craving to have little ones. Determine in your heart that whosoever you bring to this world will be an excellent citizen and relevant to the world. But you can’t teach what you don’t know. Still think you should rush into that marriage now?
- I’m lonely
Don’t be a woman with ‘attachment complex syndrome’. Create your own world.
If you can’t live with yourself then it will be hard for anyone else. If you haven’t discovered how to make yourself happy in all the years you’ve known yourself, why do you think this man you meet can? No one knows you better than you (as soon as you stop lying to yourself).
Find what you love and build your life. Know your DOs and DON’Ts. Establish your principles. Don’t be tossed around by every wind of doctrine. Meet people. Make friends. Have a definition to yourself. ENJOY YOUR OWN COMPANY so much that you can’t get enough of yourself. Lol. So when (if) you find a man, you would make room for him in your life, not force in squared peg (man) in a round hole which is the emptiness in your world.
Marriage doesn’t signify the death of anyone’s youth. It’s just the coming together of two people. Your man will still need his life. You also have to have yours. Get a life now so you don’t end up choking him.
The reasons are endless.
Shall we have a moment of silence as we all ask ourselves this question…
“Why do I want to get married?”
Judge yourself. Is your reason good enough?
If you have thoroughly worked on yourself before now and believe you’re good to go. Bravo! CONGRATULATIONS! Advance to stage 2 *Switching on Match Maker and Wedding Planner Mode*
But if you haven’t, don’t lie to yourself. Self deceit is the worst kind of deceit. It’s never too late to invest in yourself. Some don’t even know the kind of man they want; they just want to marry sha. Begin the journey of reinventing yourself today. Alongside the entire career gist, learn to cook the best meals 😉 . They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach; even though an old friend thinks we are aiming a little too high (she says it’s just beneath the stomach). I don’t know that part biko…but I know that when the man meets you as a balanced woman, he’ll feel blessed indeed.