IS THAT “I DO” A MISTAKE?

share on:

In this part of the world, a girl child’s life is structured and outlined for her even before she is born.

It is usually, SCHOOLàGET A DEGREE->YOUTH SERVICE->GET A JOB(optional, depending on the family)->GET MARRIED->GET PREGNANT AND RAISE KIDS.

From the Igbos to the Yorubas to the Hausas to the Ijaws or any other tribe in Nigeria, the girl child is widely believed to have a “short life” and she is expected to get her schooling over and done with and then find a man to marry, raise his kids and who cares whatever happens to her after then.

Her well being isn’t exactly considered and whether she is ready to be a wife and mother is not a topic anybody is exactly bothered about. After the wedding/the honeymoon, she is on her own and the responsibility to run a home falls on her shoulder. The question nobody ever cares to ask is how strong are those shoulders? Is she even mature enough to run a home? Is she emotionally strong enough to be a wife or more, a mother? Did she marry because that is what the society expects of her at that period or because she is absolutely in love with her husband and is genuinely ready to be his Mrs?

Too many questions, no ready-made answers. So many women have fallen into this trap over the years, simply because marriage felt like the next right step to take and because this society doesn’t believe in divorce, most of these women are stuck in the marriage for the rest of their lives.

Other women might be too neck deep in it but you can stop yourself from becoming a victim of a hasty marriage.

Ask yourself, have you taken time to know this person enough? Don’t take this wrong, this doesn’t have anything to do with dating for seven years. It is simple, you studying this man, watching him closely, his habits, his reactions to things that anger him and his behaviors would tell you if you really know him enough to take the big step. If any of these things seem unclear to you, do NOT take that step until you are extremely sure.

Have you two experienced enough about life to start a home? Do you feel mature enough to be parents to other people? Can you handle pressure without wanting to run back to your family? Consider these questions and ask yourself if the answers you get are worth it. It would help you make the right decision.

Is there enough money to run the household? There should be love, abundant love and you should never want to stay without each other but is there enough money to run your family? If you aren’t sure or if there is not enough then maybe you can be a little more patient? Remember if you rush into it, financial issues might test your love and cause you to be apart.

Do you fight right? Some couples claim to have it all good and insist they have never fought. This means your relationship is not ready for marriage. No two humans were made the same and even siblings who were raised in the same home by the same parents disagree. You and your spouse weren’t raised in the same family, under the same conditions, so what is your excuse for not disagreeing on anything? These arguments strengthen the relationship, they tell you what not to do next time and how to do it right. And they prepare you both for the future. When the big fights come along, you would know just how well to confront it.

Is it infatuation or true love? As much as there is no written down rule on how to identify true love, you must be able to say if your relationship is based on true love or mere infatuation. While true love can be your relationship’s eternal fuel, infatuation has an expiry date. If all you have is the butterfly in your belly stage, then maybe you need to wait a bit and see what happens when the initial exciting stage is over.

Don’t do this because your partner would be heartbroken if you walked out on your relationship. If this isn’t making you happy then don’t stay in it or worse, walk down the aisle because you are not sure how your partner would take  heartbreak.  Talk it over with your spouse, let them know whatever decision you are making is for the best. A broken relationship is better than a broken home they say. Save your kids the trauma of a broken family.

tomilola

tomilola

Content Writer|Screenwriter|Coke Addict|Feminist|Amala Activist|Future Hero. Twitter&Instagram @Tomilola_coco

Leave a Reply