Arrgh! Who is that person getting in the way of my undecided fate and me? Doesn’t the person know I need this time out? For a second I’m not sure what to do first, go check that test or go answer the door. Or maybe even ignore the door?
I know I cannot afford to check the test results first. If I do and it is positive, I will not make it to the door before I collapse. Oh my, and abortion isn’t my thing. I hear the knock again and I decide I’d answer it first.
I open the door and let in Uche, she blows me a kiss as she places a huge shopping bag on the table.
“Our boss, aka your man told me you are down, I was sent someplace and I decided to bring you these goodies on my way. How’s you doing?” She asks, unaware of the look of fear that I know I have on my face.
“I might be pregnant” I blurt and then dash towards the bathroom. She follows me immediately.
“What? How? Ok, I can guess how. But…erm…how have you people been doing it?” She asks as we both enter my bathroom. I check all the pregnancy tests at once and I freeze in shock as I see the results.
There is a long stretch of silence as I finally get over the shock and slowly lean on the bathroom wall. Kunle’s child. His life is growing inside of me. What the hell am I going to do? What does this even make me? We didn’t prepare for a baby, what’s this news going to do to what we have? I love being with him but this would tear us apart. I feel stupid for letting myself get this careless in 2013. This age of spermicides and whatever they use in ensuring safer sex? Damn me!
“Morenike” Uche calls, reaching for my hand. “Come”. Then she pulls me along with her into the room. “Sit”.
I gently sit on the bed.
“What’s next?” She asks.
Like I know?
“Are you going to tell him?”
I don’t know!
“You need to gather yourself together.” She says gently.
“Uche, I don’t even know how I got here…again” I finally find my voice. “I feel like I don’t learn. How do I take care of another baby all by myself? How do I explain to my son? How do I cope?” Tears stream down my face uncontrollably. This is a lot to handle, really.
“I don’t know Mr Davies much but he doesn’t look like the type of man who would let you handle this by yourself.” Uche responds, sitting beside me and holding my hands. “I have this strong feeling that you would be fine”
I nod and cry more. My life is a mess. Wrong decisions, wrong moves, bad mom, terrible example. Nobody is ever going to see me as a role model. And why am I so damn fertile?
Uche watches for a short while before she leaves, she makes me promise to tell Kunle and I lie to her that I would. I won’t tell him. At least not for now, not until I know what I’d do with myself, after I tell him and he leaves. I can’t believe myself. I really can’t.
I fall asleep sometimes during the morning and I keep getting in and out of dreams that have to do with Kunle and I discussing babies.
He doesn’t visit that day and I realise I’m unhappy. I can’t even lie to myself anymore; I’m in love with Kunle Davies – Insanely and undoubtedly in love with him.
He finally comes to me on Saturday morning.
“You look pale” those are his first words as he arrives at my bedroom door. “Is everything okay?”
I have been having my share of morning sickness for a few days and I’ve been spending a lot of time in my bed. But that’s not an information I want to share with Mr Davies now, is it?
“Morenike? Are you going to talk to me? What’s wrong with you?” He inquires and has me in his arms in seconds.
“Where have you been?” I ask him. “You haven’t seen me in days.”
“I’m sorry babe. I thought you needed that time out. I also needed it, you made me mad the last time we were together…” He pauses and then raises my chin, “see, I just need you to know that I am in love with you and at this point, hurting you would mean hurting myself. Ok?”
I nod and I try to avoid his eyes. I am holding back vital information, an information that will destroy the relationship and because of this, I cannot look straight into his eyes.
Maybe if I wasn’t pregnant with his child and trying to keep it from him, I’d have asked more questions, but at the moment, all I want to do is not have to look him in the eyes and withhold the whole truth.
“Tokunbo slept in the hotel that night.” He says
That’s good to know, I note. And I actually smile.
“I drove her there. I promise you for real that she won’t be back anymore. I swear on everything I believe in. I need you to believe me Morenike”
This time I look into his eyes and I can swear he is speaking the truth. I can see through him, in a way I can’t explain. My heart skips a beat as I begin to wonder if he can see through me as well. I look away and then, I feel a surge of nausea. I rush into the bathroom and with my two hands holding the toilet seat, I vomit all the food I had the night before.
Of course he tends to me and leads me back to my bed.
“Are you pregnant?” He asks suddenly and my heart beats faster.
“N..no” I frown, hoping that would distract him. “Why would you even ask me that. Is this a Nollywood movie where throwing up automatically means pregnancy?” I quickly add, replacing my frown with a smile.
He shakes his head “I’m sorry”. Then he continues, “it is just…you know…I didn’t use protection the first time we made love, I am not sure you used pills and you have nausea, you collapsed the other day and I’m sure you haven’t seen your period since…”
I won’t let him go any closer. I’m getting uncomfortable already. “I’m not pregnant Kunle, it is malaria”
He sighs. Wait, he is relieved? He doesn’t want me carrying his child? My heart sinks.
“Let me make you a cup of coffee then. Have you been to the hospital yet?” He asks and my answer is so quick
“Yes.” I lie. Then I grin “just get me coffee”
He leaves the room and I quickly send a message to Uche via bbm. She is mad that I haven’t told him and insists I’m being silly. I tell her I’m confused and I don’t want to lose what we have. She calls me.
From the other end, I listen to her say “shey you know you are being stupid Morenike” then she adds “how can you not tell someone you are carrying his child? To what end?”
“Uche, what if he leaves?” I ask
“Then he leaves!” She responds. “You cannot refuse to tell him for fear that he might leave. That’s ridiculous”
Kunle walks into the room with a mug and I immediately dismiss Uche
“I will talk to you later” I say
“Morenike, tell him. Stop being silly” she says before she hangs up.
I try not to let her words haunt me all day. I know I’m being ridiculous but I’m only trying to keep what we have. At least not now, he would know soon.
He stays by my side the whole morning and after I take a bath, we sit down on my bed and watch old DVDs. An amazing way to spend a Saturday.
“We could be like this forever you know” he says after the second movie and kisses me slightly on the lips, my hormones are raging, thanks to baby Kunle growing inside of me.
I respond and I’m on top of him in minutes.
“Whoa, rapist. Wait na.” He says laughing. “Are you even well enough to do this?”
“How about you let me decide that?” I say and wink. Then I pull him with me and head towards my dressing table. Throwing everything I’ve carefully arranged on the floor (thank Heavens there is a rug on the floor) I sit on it and I put his firm hands inside my tiny underwear that’s barely covering my ass anyway.
“I warn you woman, this might make you feel way better than you ever know” he says as his thumbs gently caresses my nipples, bringing them to life. I moan and throw my hands around him, giving him easy and total access to my body.
After gently biting his earlobes, I whisper “then make me feel better”
He covers my mouth with his and we are both engulfed by the passion that never seems to die when we are together. My nipples are taut and sensitive now, he withdraws from the kiss and without warning, gently parts my legs. Before I can wrap my head around what’s going on, he gently plays with my clit while his other hand does unimaginable things to my boobs.
“Kunle…” I moan, I am going to lose my mind. Then as if that is not enough, his tongue takes over from his finger as he gently “eats” me up down there. I try to stifle my moans, scared to notify my innocent little son and Celebrate about the er…situation of things.
As if Kunle can read my mind, he stands and looks at me. “Trouble relaying your feelings?” Then he smirks. “Give me a second would you?” He winks and I watch him move to the door.
“Celeb” he calls, without moving out then I hear him say “Go buy Chocolates at the chemist by the junction. Not the one close o. The one by the junction.” He hands him money “take Ore with you.”
Then we wait and soon they are gone. He follows immediately and locks the door behind them. By the time he returns, he has relieved himself of his clothes. I swallow hard as I eat him up with my eyes. “Come” he says to me and I follow him.
Then he sits me on the dining table, wears protection (like I need it) and gently says “part those legs”.
“Now express all you want. The coast is clear” he says and with that, eases into me.
I don’t want him to leave, ever. And I’m going to keep the baby news for as long as I can. He opens the door for Celebrate and Ore when they return and brings in my son.
“Morenike, you are coming to mine soon.” He says to me
“You know I’m a mom and I can’t…”
“Come on. You don’t think I like to have you at mine? Shouldn’t you even want to come over? Celebrate would take care of Ore. But I want my girlfriend over at mine” he says with a note of finality and I nod.
My phone rings and I pick it. “hello…”
“Renny, its Mobola” my obnoxious cousin says from the other end of the line. Why is she calling me?
“Grandma died this morning”