Memoirs Of A Slu…shh Kid: The Missing Pages

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Ladies & gentlemen, this is not the news; this is The Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid –The missing pages exclusive to WOW magazine.

For some of us who follow the memoirs of a SLU…shhkid on, you already know the rules, for those that would be encountering the memoirs for the first time, I’ll write down some rules but you may need to visit for the full Rules to read by.

Here are The Rules to read by


1.    This is MY WOW diary

2.    You will read it in WOW Magazine only

3.    This is not the news or the Anglican Church, Please don’t judge me because I won’t be judging you.

4.    Names of some of the people involved in the memoirs may be changed.

5.    If I say something about you that you don’t like...Start your own diary…It’s free.

6.    Don’t walk up to me in public and say, “you wrote about me”. I promise you a head butt and my head is not small.

8.    Sometimes, It may appear like I’m talking about you but until I mention your name, please Terry G me!

9.    Read the rest of the rules on



I know some of you will be wondering why this particular memoir is called – The Missing Pages. It’s simple; because I already have existing memoirs of a SLU…shhkid on this will represent the bits that did not make it to due to personal reasons.


Thursday May 19,2011.


So I was hanging at my usual “After Work Hours” table at De Marquee (De Marquee is located on the rooftop of Mega Plaza on Idowu Martins Victoria Island, Lagos) when the BBM came through

Slim: Nobs, where are you?

Nobs: De Marquee. What’s up?

Slim: I guessed. Coming through with the fam, we are downstairs.

Nobs : Oh great.

How I met Slim

Sometime in 2010,I tweeted that there are 3 songs that must be performed specially for my wife on our wedding day and they are “ Till my dying day” –Banky W, “With this Woman”- Dare and “ Ololufe”- Wande Coal. She replied me with the words, “ Let’s get married already”.

That tweet gave birth to our friendship. We tweeted at each other over the following days and finally agreed to meet.

On the agreed meeting day, I didn’t know what to expect after she informed me that she was a lawyer as that automatically gave her a free pass to my holy book of HWC-“ Handle with care”.

We met in her office in Victoria Island Lagos but I couldn’t stay for long because I was travelling to Maiduguri the same day for work but we kept in touch throughout my trip. I’ll say Slim made me enjoy my stay in Maiduguri because she kept me company on BBM throughout my stay but that was not the sweetest thing she did.

What was the sweetest thing she did?

Slim and I agreed that she was going to come pick from the airport on my arrival in Lagos. I was totally looking forward to seeing her after collecting my luggage but on getting into the baggage hall, there she was in a black t-shirt worn over blue jeans. I know that non-flying passengers are not allowed into that area but she was able to pull it off for me.

We saw almost everyday, went to the movies together and it was a friendship envied by most of my friends.

Few months after we became friends, Slim started her masters and we used to study together. We would go to Cactus and while she would be studying, I will just stay with her reading magazines or playing with my phone. It was friendship at it’s best.

The truth is this, I really love Slim but I’m scared that asking her out will spoil our friendship and I’m not ready to let go of the friendship.

Here’s the truth, both of us are not seeing anyone at the moment, so I have been avoiding Slim. I have been doing a good job of it until the BBM came through.

Immediately Slim walked into De Marquee, the feelings rushed back in like newly constructed drainage in Ogbete market in Enugu.

Slim : Hey Nobs * Hug* hmm you smell good…Gucci by Gucci?

Nobs : Thanks boo, yep.

DB : Hey Nobs,been a while

Nobs : You self. That’s how you didn’t tell me you got engaged. Congrats sha.

DB : I’m sorry na. You also did not tell me about your sister’s wedding.

Nobs : hey Damz. DB, I’ve heard oooo. Hope you are fine

Damz ; Hey Nobs .Meet my Aunty, Aunty ,Our friend, Noble

Nobs : Nice to meet you ma

Slim : Aunty,this boy would have been your in-law but o mess up

Nobs : please speak English

Slim : I was not talking to you

Nobs : Sliiiiiiiiiiiim

Slim : Fimile jo

The thing about Slim is that she can light up any room with her presence. Her presence brought the feelings back. Just when I thought I had chopped enough liver to tell her the truth about my feelings, the text message came in.

Ada: Where are you?

What to do?

Hmmm how do I start telling you about Ada at this stage? I mean I have got loads of posts about Ada on

This is what we will do. I will briefly tell you about Ada.

I met Ada during my grandma’s burial and she’s everything a man needs in a wife. She won my mother’s heart with her gentle nature and unlike girls her age, she didn’t own any lacefront wig, no blackberry phone and hadn’t travelled beyond Lagos.

We kicked off a friendship that she defined as a relationship and to make matters worse, she wanted me to be her first.

Trust me, I know that a lot of men out there would do anything to be a woman’s first but not me. I love Ada and all that but I was not ready to be her first. We kept it at friendship and when it was looking like I was developing feelings for her, Iyke came into her life and married her.

I’ve not heard from her since the wedding until her text came in.So I replied

Nobs : I’m hanging out with friends at Mega Plaza?

Ada : In Lagos?

Nobs : Yes

Ada ; I just got into Lagos. Kedu saidi ebe ino?

I can only say that the devil is working overtime…




Quo non Ascendam. Writer. E-mail:


  1. Ahh, Nobs this is not fair o! After 2 years, and you come back with this. Biko, should we expect weekly posts? Please, pretty please?

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