At a point in my life I knew I had to give up everything. There was no point fighting and so I decided to just take it all. Like literally take it all. In my heart I did feel like I was being treated unfairly and that I had to speak out someday but the real question was, speak out to whom?
Indeed I felt like I was the reason for all the troubles nonetheless. Was I passing out wrong information? Was I giving the wrong signal? Wrong impression? The funny thing about life is this; you don’t need to be wrong before you’re hated. There are just those who love to sh*t around. Literally.
As damning as it was, I accepted my fate. Anyone who sh*ts on me, I will forgive.
“Just go on. Mess me up. Just apologize when you’re done.”
Gradually I became a therapist. Everyone who had one problem or the other came to me to state their case. They would blast me real hard but they always knew I’d be there for them. They also knew the routine of apologizing when they were done. The knowledge of their “come back” made me feel lighter a lot of times. It was like you could pour your heart to me and I wouldn’t judge you. Happened that some took that to their advantage… getting all aggressive and ferocious.
It was really beautiful to imagine I had the solution to everyone’s problem. Still, why they don’t treat me right is what I couldn’t comprehend – It’s still a big issue. I may have given the go ahead to be insensitive with me but everyone’s got a conscience right? It hurts terribly. In fact, Some just come along and suffocate you with all the problems in the world… but I never fight back.
I find solace in the apologies.
Once, a woman stuffed me up till I was too heavy to move and stoned me silly. I just kept staring at her. It was heartbreaking to think a woman her age had no pity for me. She had no mercy.
“When I withdraw the money, I’ll send it to Dennis… or shouldn’t I?” she kept asking.
In my heart I said to myself “When you’re done suffocating me, I hope you find your answer”
It was the harshest I had ever said to anyone but it did feel like she deserved every bit of my sentence.
I wonder how everyone would react if I decide to end my generous services today. I would love to sue my clients but I can’t simply because I made them understand they were free to treat me as they wanted. I have nearly lost my life on several occasions while on duty. I wish I could retire from sitting around, listening to the sh*t load of what people have to say… but I can’t disappoint the fans.