Mayan Scholars Postpone End Of The World To September 3, 2015

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Mayan scholars have updated their doomsday prophecy, and are now of the opinion that the world would end on September 3, 2015, instead of yesterday.

A new critique, published as a chapter in the new textbook “Calendars and Years: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World” argues that the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar are off.  This coupled with a new book, “We Are All Going To Die In 2015″ by Fritz Barnkopf  are rewriting the Mayan doomsday playbook that has been popularized in our culture over the last ten years.

The problem was discovered when researchers realized the Mayan calendar was converted to today’s Gregorian calendar using an erroneous calculation called the GMT constant, named for the last initials of three early Mayanist researchers.

But the GMT constant is completely bogus.  “The Mayan researchers of the past twenty years put too much stock in the GMT,” said Mayan expert Robert Wannamaker.  “They probably were chewing on too many cocoa leaves. The fact is that the GMT constant is 2 years and 271 days off.  We’ve proven that conclusively hear at The Scripps Institute.”

The apocalypse is now delayed.   This is a stunning blow to all the merchandisers that were seeking to capitalize on the “end-of-world” prophecy BEFORE the world ends.  “Man, I was selling all sorts of 2012 doomsday paraphernalia.   Now, I gotta go back and make it all again for 2015.  It’s a real drag,” said 2012 fanatic, Judd Barkley.

Hollywood is jumping right on the 2015 bandwagon.   Producers are lining up to make the 2012 sequel, 2015. “It’s great for us,” said Producer Tracey Barnham.  “I hope that they extended it again in a few years, so we can keep this franchise going.”

Not likely.  Mayan researchers are unanimous on the end-of-world data.  The world will disappear in 2015.  You might want to plan accordingly.

Bad news:  we’re all going to die.  Good news:  We got three more years!  Woo-hoo!!!



Quo non Ascendam. Writer. E-mail:

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