360Submissions: LILYDAWORDSMITH’S DAMN UNPRETTY

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Every media outfit, from magazines to TV and everyone in between, tries to sell us the “ideal” physique for ladies – tall, slim, leggy and beautiful – guys -tall, broad shoulders, lean hips, and six packs – so it’s no surprise that attention has shifted from our brains to our body.

Nkechi reading this would rather spend thousands to buy that body flattering dress than buy a book worth a few hundreds of naira.

“I must belong” is the trending slogan and my Igbo sisters will say “abiaghim iche” (no be my own go different, mo gbodo tele). Just like my dog and goat in the village compete to get the food when I pour water with food particles away, everyone fights tooth and nail.

Ladies cast each other hateful stares because they feel intimidated by what the other has and, after a series of workouts with little or no result, the next port of call is body magic.

Chai! how I feel sorry for that brother who has dreamed all his life of a slim-yet-curvy-in-the-right-places kind of girl and eventually gets her, only for him to get into his honeymoon suite at night to internally scream “blood of God!” at the sight that accost him after the body magic is lying on the floor with her other clothe items.

“Nna Ndo o” is all I can say.

People keep accusing me of not recognizing faces easily, well how can you blame me when suddenly every girl’s pink lips, long Peruvian hair and heel-enhanced height is the same?

If Obi asks me out today and I see Tunde tomorrow and begin smiling sheepishly because both their chests are about ripping open their tight T-shirt and their Mohawk stands as high as the statue of liberty would you blame me?

If only we knew how little all of this mattered and how fleeting and inconsequential the attention we get is, then our priorities would be re shuffled.

Ok, a little insight, free of charge (you could pay me if the lord touches your heart and you’ll reap it in millions of folds….. Did I hear you say “Amen, Mummy Lillian!”?).

Actually it’s more like a story.

Ever seen a short, fat, bow legged girl loved by everyone? Not likely? Well I have seen.

No, not in Mars. Here on earth; Nigeria precisely.

Okay I lied. Take away the bow leg listed above and replace it with short yam legs then add the other unflattering attributes, well that’s an apt description of my friend Oluchi. You wouldn’t look at her twice. So how come when she’s with her best friend, beautiful, curvy, enenebe ukwu e jeghi olu ifeoma, guys tend to flock around Oluchi instead?

No, drop that thought now! No juju is involved. She’s a fellowship mama, you dirty minded fellow!

Well I knew there had to be something working for her and trust me I hate not knowing, so I sought to know and now I know and I will make you know!

In Oluchi’s mind she is Agbani, in fact that’s her BB user name and she doesn’t just think so, she believes so.

Her physique is the ideal one to her. While you see tall, slim and fine on your TV screen, she sees short, fat and fine on hers and I’ve never met anyone happier or more comfortable in her skin than this lady. She’ll leave the hostel in bathroom slippers and no makeup on, yet guys buzz around her like bees. Hear her speak and you’ll see this is one woman who has spent all her energy cultivating her brains. The one that will shock you most is when you meet her boyfriend. The first question you’ll ask him is: “Excuse me are you related to Will Smith?” and dude loves her to pieces. If my principle wasn’t “taken guys are a no” I would have snatched him from her kia kia. As if I can, even with all my lekpa to sure physique, she’s all he sees.

Ask me for the happiest woman and I’ll point at Oluchi. She smiles a lot and somehow magnets everyone to herself. There’s nothing in this world you could ever do to make her feel intimidated or insecure about her. Now that’s one real woman!

Ever noticed it isn’t always the finest or best dressed woman in a room that attracts the cutie dudes? Does it surprise you when a short, flat chested guy succeeds in having all the pretty ladies flocking around him? It isn’t charm! It’s confidence in whom you are and acceptance of all that you represent.

If you haven’t seen the movie ‘holy man’ starring Eddie Murphy, look for it. The part most important to me is where he asked

“Would you rather be a bikini model or a shaman?”

And when the lady’s answer was “A bikini model of course”, he replied “A shaman is happy and has utmost fulfillment in the knowledge of who he is”.

Come to think of it, ever noticed how often these bikini models and beautiful picture perfect women commit suicide?

So even if you know you couldn’t possibly be the kind of girl Mike had in mind when singing ‘fine fine lady’ and Bruno Mars wouldn’t consider using you to shoot the ‘the way you are video’, and for the guy who can never be a candidate for a 007 role, well take heart! You can’t change who you are, but you can change the way people see you by changing the way you see yourself.

This is where I draw the curtain on today’s post. Until we meet on here again, let this be your litany

“I am beautiful just as I am and couldn’t be better”

Peace y’all.

Written By: Lilian

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360Admin

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