My friend walked into my office rather calmly, but I noticed she was agitated. Her hands quivered and then she uttered the words:
“I will deal with him. I will ruin everything he thinks he is, and I will make sure there’s no place for him to pick up the pieces and start again.”
I have known my friend (let’s call her Abigail) for 8 years, and not in all those years have I seen her so bitter about anything. She’s divorced, and I remember even during that phase she was calm and at peace, and even though it wasn’t the most easy or pleasant decision to make, she wasn’t bitter about the choice to move ahead with her life without a man.
So to see someone who seems always in control sit across me and tell me how…”I will not stop until he is reduced to a mockery in this town”…I knew something bad had happened.
So we set up a mechanism with six other well-connected people in our circle of network and, yes, we drew up a very logical plan on how to teach this person a lesson – nothing violent, just cerebral media work to expose his blatant folly.
The others didn’t ask too many questions, they just didn’t want to see Abigail so hurt so they accepted to help. And although I had heard bits and bits of what happened, I felt I needed a bigger picture of the events so that I too can judge this guy fairly before I get into the plan fully (it is not everyday you plan to get a pound of flesh back).
So I took my friend out and I looked into her eyes, and asked: “Abigail, what really happened? Relationships end every day, and you are the preacher of “moving on”. Why is this different?”
Then she said: “HE DISRESPECTED ME.”
It was a whisper, but I saw how hard it was for her to swallow saliva after saying those words – this incident had turned my friend to someone else I didn’t recognise. She went on to tell me about the threat texts, the threat calls, turning people against her, and so many ridiculous things this guy did that you wouldn’t expect from a mature male just because they had a private misunderstanding! As a man, I understand how it feels to be disrespected, I just didn’t know women took it that seriously too.
I had always thought women wanted to be loved, and as long as they are loved you can misbehave continuously and you will be forgiven. But my friend, Abigail, made me understand how wrong I was. And as we spoke, I gathered from her explanation that the new woman of the 21st century will choose respect over love again and again when it concerns men and romance.
When you disrespect a woman (especially one you have shared intimacy with, one who you did not pay to have sex with, one who is not after any material means of yours. A woman who just wants you for you), it is like kissing her on one cheek and spitting on the other.
Abigail said: “I am not upset what we shared ended, it was supposed to end, there was no future in it. But I am very bitter HOW it ended. I have never had to deal with a man so immature, and I blame every girl he has been with who allowed him to get away with this attitude because I am sure he has a history of disrespect. I am doing a huge favour to the other women he will meet in future. When I’m done with him and there’s nothing left of him to pick from the rumble, he would learn to show a woman who works for her own money some respect, and when it is over he would know it is best to walk away from a relationship without turning the whole experience into a drama series.”
We had gone only 5% into our plan when everything was resolved respectfully by a third party. Abigail called everyone to tell us to give it a rest for now. But she was sure the guy will not live up to decency. She was very sure he will make a mockery of the apology made on his behalf and say or do something demeaning that she would hear – again…
“So be ready because this time, no one will change my mind,” she said on the phone.
It all happened in less than two weeks but it taught me a lot and it gave me a whole new insight on how to treat women. Most women just want a man who is mature enough to love them right, and if it doesn’t work out be mature enough to walk away peacefully.
You never know how deep your actions and words hurt others. But most importantly, you never know how deeply-rooted people’s intentions for revenge can be.