True Experience: A woman will haunt you down if you disrespect her!

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My friend walked into my office rather calmly, but I noticed she was agitated. Her hands quivered and then she uttered the words:

“I will deal with him. I will ruin everything he thinks he is, and I will make sure there’s no place for him to pick up the pieces and start again.”

I have known my friend (let’s call her Abigail) for 8 years, and not in all those years have I seen her so bitter about anything. She’s divorced, and I remember even during that phase she was calm and at peace, and even though it wasn’t the most easy or pleasant decision to make, she wasn’t bitter about the choice to move ahead with her life without a man.

So to see someone who seems always in control sit across me and tell me how…”I will not stop until he is reduced to a mockery in this town”…I knew something bad had happened.

So we set up a mechanism with six other well-connected people in our circle of network and, yes, we drew up a very logical plan on how to teach this person a lesson – nothing violent, just cerebral media work to expose his blatant folly.

The others didn’t ask too many questions, they just didn’t want to see Abigail so hurt so they accepted to help. And although I had heard bits and bits of what happened, I felt I needed a bigger picture of the events so that I too can judge this guy fairly before I get into the plan fully (it is not everyday you plan to get a pound of flesh back).

So I took my friend out and I looked into her eyes, and asked: “Abigail, what really happened? Relationships end every day, and you are the preacher of “moving on”. Why is this different?”

Then she said: “HE DISRESPECTED ME.”

It was a whisper, but I saw how hard it was for her to swallow saliva after saying those words – this incident had turned my friend to someone else I didn’t recognise. She went on to tell me about the threat texts, the threat calls, turning people against her, and so many ridiculous things this guy did that you wouldn’t expect from a mature male just because they had a private misunderstanding! As a man, I understand how it feels to be disrespected, I just didn’t know women took it that seriously too.

I had always thought women wanted to be loved, and as long as they are loved you can misbehave continuously and you will be forgiven. But my friend, Abigail, made me understand how wrong I was. And as we spoke, I gathered from her explanation that the new woman of the 21st century will choose respect over love again and again when it concerns men and romance.

When you disrespect a woman (especially one you have shared intimacy with, one who you did not pay to have sex with, one who is not after any material means of yours. A woman who just wants you for you), it is like kissing her on one cheek and spitting on the other.

Abigail said: “I am not upset what we shared ended, it was supposed to end, there was no future in it. But I am very bitter HOW it ended. I have never had to deal with a man so immature, and I blame every girl he has been with who allowed him to get away with this attitude because I am sure he has a history of disrespect. I am doing a huge favour to the other women he will meet in future. When I’m done with him and there’s nothing left of him to pick from the rumble, he would learn to show a woman who works for her own money some respect, and when it is over he would know it is best to walk away from a relationship without turning the whole experience into a drama series.”

We had gone only 5% into our plan when everything was resolved respectfully by a third party. Abigail called everyone to tell us to give it a rest for now. But she was sure the guy will not live up to decency. She was very sure he will make a mockery of the apology made on his behalf and say or do something demeaning that she would hear – again…

“So be ready because this time, no one will change my mind,” she said on the phone.

It all happened in less than two weeks but it taught me a lot and it gave me a whole new insight on how to treat women. Most women just want a man who is mature enough to love them right, and if it doesn’t work out be mature enough to walk away peacefully.

You never know how deep your actions and words hurt others. But most importantly, you never know how deeply-rooted people’s intentions for revenge can be.

Be careful.

Rotimi

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18 comments

  1. This is very correct! As a woman I have found that love is a long thing. Partners cheat and disappoint, beats and act like assholes all in the name of love. It has made me realise how important women should take respect. Respect is very important!

  2. “the new woman of the 21st century will choose respect over love again and again when it concerns men and romance.” U definitely got that right!

  3. Women want to be loved but above that, they want to be respected. These days it is easy to love but respect is the real test of friendship.

  4. I can absolutely feel Abigail’s pain. I have make it very clear to everyone that i do not care for a man’s love if that love does not come with respect. I am not a ho and I do not date men becos of money, so u have to show respect. alot of men are insecure and the only remedy for their problem is when they try to bring a woman down. I know their type and I never let a man get away with disrespecting me too.

  5. Much as I dont subscribe to imaturity in matters concerning consenting adults, I need to know, did you really get to hear from the guy in question?
    You could have easily murdered a fellow wrongly, for all you know. One-sided stories are best viewed with a pinch of salt. And why did the lady change her mind about your plan? – people begged on behalf of the man!. Without really attempting to judge the girl, what brought her first marriage relationship down? You didnt say. You obviously dont even know. Was it a case of once biten…?
    And guys who are quick to jump when a girl freaks out, what hope do they leave for fairness to balance “two sides to a story”. We need to be cautious how some of us define our position with our women so that we dont sell off too much of ourselves making us too weak to play our natural roles in relationships and risk being to weak to defend them rightly when the need arises.

    1. All I can see in what u wrote is “Men don’t be TOO WEAK”. what are u afraid of? That someone is going to steal our pride? U need to relax. Times have changed, u can’t bully a woman and get away with it. Anyone who makes his/her own livelihood will not sit back and watch u direspect them. And divorces are not exactly rocket science these day – one out of four marriages are broken. It doesn’t mean any one of them are bad but they are incompartible. And since u sound dis way, I’ll advice u to be wise – don’t go around disrespecting women.

    2. Mr. Bower, you obviously didnt read this article. go back and read it. And u have nothing to “teach women”. Teach yourself how to understand a simple article first. Do u actually think 6 people will start something and not be sure what they plan to do???? Don’t be ignorant. Marriages end everyday becos nobody wants to end up like Titi Arowolo (RIP); women have a choice too – to end bad relationships and to deal with disrespectful men!

    3. For example if a man hits a woman in public, what fucking explanation do u need from the man??? The article says the man was sending Abigail THREAT MESSAGES!!!! In this century????? LOL! This is not 1988 oh! You will swallow your own shit! That is what it is!

  6. Ps. When u have the opportunity like u just had, pls educate our women. The success of most relationship is in the hands of our women. Over emulation of western mistakes and over ambition on our women’s part may be robbing them the best of us.

    1. Mr. Jack, you are a chauvinist. And its ok, as long as u keep ur ego in check and with the kind of women who don’t mind u acting God and farting around. when u come here and tell us to “EDUCATE OUR WOMEN” you are telling us you are the all-knowing gender who must teach the other gender how to act. I am sure your mother took a lot of BS from ur father, she decided to stay in her marriage. Know that not every woman wants to take a man’s BS in marriage. Some will walk away and find peace for themselves. Who are u to judge? And the article said it plainly that no violent intentions were planned. They were using other means (the same means the guy used to disrespct her) to give him back his own taste of bitterness. U understand that English, right?

  7. I have a friend whose finace used to slap in public! Last week, we went shoppin at The Palms…I’m not sure what happened becos they were walking infront of me, until I heard GBOSA!!! The guy had given her a heavy slap – right at the car park! In the beginning he used to send threat messages to her if they had any misunderstanding and I remember my brother (whom I gisted) told me to tell my friend to leave the guy that it will get worse. One year later, it got worse! She couldn’t go to work for two days becos that hot slap gave her a fever! Now my point is, if my friend gathers herself and is confident enough to deal with this guy. Mr. Jack, I WILL SUPPORT HER! So pls keep quiet. Teach ur gender how NOT to disrespect women.

  8. Jack, what is ur “natural role in relationship”? To disrespect women??? LOL! U don enter one chance! Try and disrespect a hardworking woman making her own money in this town. When dem finish u. Na only boxers u go carry dey stroll Lagos. U better be wise and humble urself. Being humble as a man doesn’t mean u are weak, it means u know where to cross the line. U disrespect me, I DEAL with u. (All is fair in the game of egos!) Abigail own na small. shioo!

  9. @Jack. Of course I knew what happened! She is my friend! And as hard as it may be for a chauvinist like u to understand, some men are just pigs! They don’t treat women right and because this is a patriachal society, they come out and mutter shit like u just did. You and who should educate women? I see no males and no females, I just see people who deserve to be treated with respect. If it was my sister, my mother, my wife, I’ll still carry out the same actions! My uncle was a violent man when i was growing up, and I remeber he use to say shit like: “u need to teach a woman where her place is in the home.” It took me many years to realise he was just a dumb fuck! So nigga, if u think getting a pound of flesh is not right, then do not disrespect women. Its really dat simple. Revenge is real, and that is why I admonsih guys to be careful. For instance if u slap my sister in public, u are a dead man! It is our responsibility as men to make sure the women who are close to us feel safe. I’m done!

  10. If i man hits a woman and i see him doing it, damn he’s gonna get his ass kicked! I don’t have to use my hands, a golf stick would do just fine!

  11. Well i’m the kind of girl that acts on impulse and I can tell you that if a guy right from my primary school days disrespects me, he is definitely going down. I risked getting expelled from law school because my faculty officer called me a liar just to save his job, not only did I challenge him infront of the DG, I made sure he lost his job and that is the length I would go if I feel I have been disrespected in any way. As for oga jack bower, I get you are trying to be a diplomatic guy by pointing out that the other party should have been heard which is the first rule of natural justice and also trying to say it could hv been the woman’s fault (failed marriage n disrespect wise)but sometimes, some situations just doesn’t call for the other sides hearing as nothing that otherside myt try to say would justify the resulting action.

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