You’re in bed with this smoking hot guy you’ve had your eye on for ages. It’s your third date and things are looking good so far – both of you wrapped in each other’s arms, lips locked in a hungry, passionate kiss, and your body tingling from the wine…
Suddenly, he pulls away and disappears under the covers, you feel his head between your thighs and all you can think is “please don’t”.
No? Well, me neither then (._. )
But seriously, I don’t have anything against oral sex. I mean, a tongue feels amazing wherever it desires to roam but everyone who’s ever had good head KNOWS you need to completely surrender yourself to the moment and the person you’re with to utterly enjoy it.
Problem is I’m almost always stuck in my own head. Worrying about stray strands of hair, or how long it’ll take for his jaw to get tired, or how I look down there instead of getting lost in the ecstasy. I get so bad sometimes my mind just wanders off to things that have NOTHING to do with sex.
There’s just something about receiving oral sex that carries me far away from the universe of pleasure and deposits me in the realm of overanxious, eager den mother. I feel horrible because a lot of the guys I hook up with seem to really love going down south.
Some might say it’s a power thing, seeing as women are a lot more sexually aggressive and comfortable with their bodies now -thanks in no small part to porn – and a guy seeks thrill in rendering a woman vulnerable, having her thighs trembling on either side of his face. Being an ardent practitioner of southern dining myself, I know how much of an ego boost it can be to transform your partner into a trembling mess.
Now, I know there’s a fair amount of women who absolutely love oral sex, and it’s cute when guys brag about their oral skills, but I also know I’m not the only woman who feels ambivalence toward oral sex. A few of the complaints that have been brought to my attention –
– It takes too long
– Guys don’t know what they’re doing
– I have to shower first
And this ambivalence is reflected by pop culture, with most shows portraying men dining south quite clumsily and leaving the women less than fulfilled. Take the show Girls for instance. There’s a scene where a sexually inexperienced female squirms when a guy goes down on her; I cringe the same way too. And then you have that Fifty Shades of Grey book – in which the heroine doesn’t even masturbate! – that reads like some sort of wish fulfillment manual for women struggling to articulate their intimate desires.
I guess it all comes down to knowing what you want and how to ask for it if you really want to get your time’s worth out of any sexual encounter. For me, it’s a dark room, a little bit of giggling, some quiet, and a finger or two in the right spot goes a long way.
For a lot of women (me) oral sex isn’t something casual. You don’t just show up out of the blue, feeling like you’re doing me a massive favor, expecting to rock my world. More often than not, it works much better with someone I trust and am totally comfortable with. Until we get there, kindly keep your head above the covers.