Have you ever had one of those how the hell did I get here moments?
I mean, you stand at that turning point on the curve, just before the shit hits the fan and right after you’ve decide that you really only live once, and wonder, how the fuck did I get here? Yeah, I’m having one of them right now.
5 minutes ago, I was inserting my hotel key card in the door, 10 minutes before that, we were all knocking back an extra shot at Akin’s insistence. It felt like he wanted to prolong the moment, seeing as the Poker game was already over. I refuse to think that it was because I was in full view. If only the red of the bra wasn’t so red. Or that Erica had lost more than just her jacket. I could feel Femi’s eyes subtly burning into my skin but I certainly didn’t want to find out so I avoided his gaze.
Suddenly the plush carpet of the private poker room just seemed to have such intricate designs. There was that brief moment, right after the last shots, of almost-awkwardness when everyone was looking at everyone, with me of course looking at the rug.
Alright guys! Akin said. To bed with all of you! And we dispersed. We would have ridden the Elevator up in silence but for Akin who suddenly remembered some anecdote from some Halden case. I tried to ask Erica what case that was, but she just mumbled in reply.
I was out on the balcony drinking a glass of water soon after we were back in our rooms. I could hear Erica singing in the shower. My phone’s chirping made me return to the room. You should let us see Taken 2 together, I heard Femi rumble into the phone. For 3 seconds my brain left me with nothing but a feeling of vertigo. It must have been longer because I said Hello a few times and asked if I could hear him. The conversation was over in less then 30 seconds with a mumbled reply from me. It wasn’t anything but how paralyzed I was by the thought of being in such close proximity with him.
What would happen? Silly question. Would it affect work, seeing as he is my boss? Am I just imagining things? Maybe he’s just being friendly? What if I mess it up and mumu myself? There questions dance in my head as my fist hovers over the door. I can’t do it, I realize. I start to type a text to him. I’m too tired to stand up, I say. It’s a lame because I’d already agreed to coming down anyway. I have the right excuse. Aha! I say, then the door opens. He’s standing right there, PJ pants on and I know when I look at his eyes. That moment, I know. The movie intentions were anything but pure. He takes a step forward and I take a step back.
I can’t do it. Dear Lord, who knew he was so ripped under those suits? I mean, he seemed full bodied but Lord!
No I can’t do it. I can’t. I take a further step back and turn to walk away.