Coming down to Lagos after many years abroad is quite exciting. I had all the jiggy feeling of a tourist. I’ve heard a couple of scary stories but nothing could deter me from coming back to the town that influenced my initial decisions in life. Lasgidi is home, and it is not as bad as was painted… except the traffic situation. Seriously, three hours in a jam-lock! It’s amazing people don’t go crazy under the hot sun!
But my traffic situation has encouraged a new life. I have discovered Lagos radio stations! Lagos radio is just a whole bucket of issue entirely. But let me take it one by one…
Beat FM: all I can say is Toolz! She’s amazing! One of the few people without a fake accent. Where do they even pick their silly accents from? I’ve been in the UK for close to 12 years, and I don’t sound British. I possibly can’t! And neither does the corporate white dude “shipped” from a small irrelevant company abroad to head Nigeria multi-national sounds Nigerian even after a hundred years! I don’t know the names of many of the presenters on radio but they’ve got some nasty accent going on….and someone hired them as OAPs???
Anyways back to Toolz: fresh, cool, decent in words, humble in presentation, witty, fun. After I complained to friends how traffic might make me go nuts, they told me where I could get a bottle of wine every afternoon – that cold glass of alcohol is Toolz. She’s amazing! I’m not a brand expert so I’m not sure how to sell her to you. But just listen up sometime.
Then there’s Olisa in the mornings. People hate that dude, at least from the stories I hear. You call his name and a long hiiiiissssssss (more like: “kpsheeeeeew!”) follows. But he’s good stuff, really! You can tell he is not that young…and in no way does his age comes through his presentation. He is a strong character on air. Very funny, very witty, cocky without being a jerk, and really easy for a morning ride. I like him. I’m not sure why everyone hates him though. I don’t think I wanna find out, it’ll spoil my fun.
Then there’s Fade. Gosh! That voice makes me worried. It always seems she has a nasty cold. It’s croaky, not sexy. I’m sorry, but it’s painful to listen to.
Then Top FM. Area mama is fun, cheeky, cool, no pretence, and thankfully no fake accent. I tried catching up with the other presenters on that station but with all the terrible accent…I’m sorry…I can’t…I just can’t!
There’s Rhythm FM. Toke has many issues; many I’m-fabulous-and-there’s-nothing-you-can-do-about-it issues that she should leave at home. I don’t like her show at all, and she needs to grow a butt.
Then City Fm. I got knowledge of the station on twitter. So I checked it out. In one word – forgettable! Nobody stands out. No strong character, too many brcffmazvzXHHQSKLJXSQ crap (if you can’t make sense of that, that is exactly how I can’t make sense of them). This minute you think one presenter will stay in your head, the next minute you’re facing an identity crisis trying to remember who was the last person you listened to and who wasn’t. No authenticity. The afternoon shows are poor and the night show is just a laugh. I think they have this club hour at night (Beat FM runs too many commercials at that time so I move to other stations quickly).
That was how I discovered their club night show with one big mama and her co-host. Literally, it’s like a rowdy club with different voices. Too many voices saying stuff that the listener doesn’t understand. Too many ideas cramped into one very poorly presented show. You can tell it’s just an inner-clique rendezvous. They need to get a bedroom! The host (I’m sorry I can’t remember his name) is like a headmaster – at least his presentation style. He bullies, he scolds, and then for the rest of the time he can’t remember the names and events he is supposed to be talking about…then his big mama reminds him, and then he continues (they are lovers, it is obvious!)
I can’t forget this phrase though, the host says it all the time: “if you are not intelligent you can’t be on my show” and then he goes ahead and invites the stupidest people! It irritated me so much one night I started to cry – traffic is bad already, why do this to me?
I’m going to explore Cool FM (heard a lot about Freeze and Mannie), and wazobia and NaijaFM… I’ll let you know my thoughts. Hopefully it’ll be good. Thanks for the space. Now back to traffic!
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