V-tales: (Tales of a Lagos Virgin)

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The Beginning

‘Virgins areinsofa Lagos Virgin)

like Unicorns…special and extinct’ ‘Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and its gone’ Blah, blah blah blaaaaaah! I’ve seen so many Virgin tweets that I could probably recite them all by heart! What is it now? Any who’s…Hi, my name is Kamsi J and I’m a Lagos Virgin.

I’ve been a virgin  as far back as I can remember (duh)…and no I’m not ugly (*rme), no I’m not fat…and no I’m not a midget or a dwarf (Lord what kind of mind do you have?). Also I’m not a virgin by lack of opportunity (if I gave into a lot of these opportunities I would be a nympho by now) it just so happens that I am who I am by choice. Yup! I said it. Choice. The opportunity has presented itself so many times, but as a well brought up kid would do when being offered a slice of chocolate cake by an acquaintance in front of her mom, I would let it slide with a ‘’No thanks’’, although the longer throat is doing me.

Pretty weird right? 5 ft 9 sexy yellow girl in her early Twenties living in LAGOS of all places, is keeping it locked. Hmmm…it’s hard for a pimp, but let me tell you pimping *insert snoop lion voice here* it’s harder for a virgin (swear down, no pun intended). Don’t get it twisted, I’m curious but apparently, not curious enough. It’s not like I’m locked up in my house and my parents wouldn’t let me go anywhere, I go out so much that I’ve put a ban on myself from the party scene. I mean, I was born and bred here (it’s not like they imported me from some remote village in Enugu). I’ve been exposed to all the influences, naughty friends, boys/men, truth or dares, alcohol, even a teeny weeny bit of marijuana…but still, niggas are keeping the cookie in the jar.

Every girl gets the ‘abstinence till marriage’ talk, a lot of us even swore not to have sex till we were married, but now, apparently that’s old school! A lot of my friends are ‘balling’ now because they got the cookie crumbled, chewed and eaten (no pun, seriously) Sigh, I guess I’m even curious as to why I’m still a virgin myself.Maybe it’s because I have trust issues? Or maybe it’s because I still believe in stupid Disney fairy tales? Of a Prince charming coming to sweep me off my feet on his shiny white horse (or in this case a chromed out Chrysler), or maybe it’s because the whole sex thing is overrated? Think about it, sex for a single woman is stressful, you have to take your birth control pills (some of them have fattening side effects), and then you freak out when you are late for that time of the month.

Damn mess. Might that be it? I don’t even know, because the 21st century makes me feel like a freaking leper. Ooooor! Maybe it’s because I’ve got five brothers and I’m the only girl! First of all, my brothers are the Babas of cock-blocking when this young lady is trying to set p and another thing…I’ve heard what they say about girls mehn, I’m not about to mumutize anyhow! There’s no amount of lyrics you would give that I would just chop like that. Mba! My brothers have me schooled in this art, it would be disgrace to their school of wisdom if I became a complete idiot when it comes to men (but then again, is it not other people’s sisters that they defile on a regular basis? Hian).

Well! Think of this as a public ‘top secret’ diary of what it’s like being a unicorn in a errr…unicornless world. Keeping the faith for all the Unicorns out there. Enjoy!

The Last Queen of Scotland

LASTMA. Shet.

(to be continued)

Alaezi Akpuru

@laeziFbaby

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7 comments

    1. Ow..19 and stl a virgin damn beautiful n hs gt all cuties hanging around me..ma status z abt ma choice..opportunities r there daily jst hv 2 look down on em..ladies virginity is dignity

  1. *RME*…big deal. I only agree with the fact that you are a virgin by choice and i admire that. Forget love ish, religion and all other stuff…you do it if you want to and vice versa. Those that mumutized and did it are a sorry lot. My first experience was out of curiosity (trust me, i’ll be dead now if i was a cat with nine lives).

  2. Seriously, It was like you were talking about me. Am in my early twenties serving in lagos and still a V mine too was by choice nothing else. A times I find it hard to believe am still a V.lol

  3. Like seriously? You got to be shitting me. You better ask your friends who have eaten the forbidden fruit. The earlier the better.
    Fact: 90% of girls never get married to their cherry-poppers. Better get over with it and learn on-time.
    V-nyash no dey rain o!!

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