Oyinkansola Clegg: Finding Hubby …Episode 19

share on:

360nobs is proud to bring you an exciting new series called “Finding Hubby” about Oyinkansola Olaitan Clegg which chronicles her life (escapades as she puts it) in her search for finding a husband.

We watched as Toke struggled with telling us who Olumide was and my fears about him instantly skyrocketed. I hoped Toke wasn’t pregnant for some married man. The most intelligent ladies do the silliest things at times, when you least expect it.

“I met Olumide about a month ago. Very nice guy.” She took her phone from me and retrieved a picture from her memory card and showed him to us. The guy in the picture was on the chubby side, but chubby in a good looking Cedric the Entertainer kinda way. He was wearing a grey suit that looked good on him, and he seemed to carry himself well even in the picture. “This is a correct looking guy now”, Gloria said. “Exactly,” I joined in. “So why the hide and seek?” “You guys should wait and let me give you the background now, before I get to that point. At least you will be more lenient when crucifying me if you hear it all.” We nodded okay and she continued,

“I met him in company of another male friend, and I just enjoyed his wit and charm. He’s a lawyer, and he’s very intelligent. Very very. You know me, I’m a sucker for intelligent guys. And his imagination was just as active as mine. At some point, even my friend couldn’t keep up with us as we sparred with all sorts of puns. It was beautiful.”

I can imagine. Toke looked like she was having an orgasm just internally reliving the conversation. She always (I mean always) gauges a man by his ability to keep up with her, especially in conversation and talking in imagery. No attraction can happen if the guy cannot, and even if there was some initial attraction, if he cannot keep up, the attraction dies a natural death. She always said that if a guy cannot get jokes she cracks, he simply cannot get the rest of her. So I know the kind of heaven she must have been in when she met a guy who could keep up with her. It seemed he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her. She rarely found such men.

She continued “we hooked up a couple of times, and he just has the most beautiful amazing mind ever. You will notice I’ve been happier and more motivated lately”. Very true, she’s had great energy level recently (as attested to by events of earlier in the day). I was beginning to get impatient because I knew she had not gotten to the gist of the matter. But I borrowed myself brain, make I no rush the girl. She was obviously having a hard time coming out straight with it, so I didn’t want to make it harder.

“He didn’t even need to formally ask me out. We just started dating, and I feel in my bones he is the one for me. I met his family and they are such wonderful people. He doesn’t make as much money as I do, but I don’t mind at all. He’s hardworking, makes his own money, and takes care of me in spite of not making up to me. Lord, I love him.” She held her head in both hands now.

Wow! The big love word. This was more serious than I thought. Toke was in love. For real. She was despairing seriously now, so I had to nudge her “All this sounds wonderful, but I’m sure
there’s something you haven’t told us”.

She raised her head and looked me squarely through eyes that were red from tears she was struggling to hold back “He’s 27.”

I nearly fell off my chair. The words “cradle snatching” jumped out of my mouth before I could catch myself. Gloria repeated, “27!” She was a clean eight years older than him.

“Yes he is, but he’s so mature. First, I met him through a friend who is older than me and they talked as colleagues and friends. I didn’t realize that men are not like us; they can relate with someone way their junior as friends on the same level. So I assumed he was at least my age on that first meeting. And it was so perfect with him I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t until I had to get his driver’s license about two weeks into the relationship that I discovered. Then I confronted him with the fact, and he told me he didn’t have any issues with it, that he loves me and wants to make me his wife. He has never dated any woman younger than him, so he’s used to it already. And in all honesty, if you remove the age ish, he is all I want in a man.”

“Toke,” I said, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement “he’s not even as old as Dayo, and if I recall, Dayo isn’t your immediate younger brother. There’s still Salewa between you guys. It just doesn’t seem right. Too many things can go wrong. How would you handle if Salewa or Dayo was rude to him? They are older you know? And then add another ten years to your ages, he’s 37 and still youthful and you are 45 and nearing menopause. A lot of times, these young guys will leave you at that time when you need them the most and go for a girl that is young enough to be your daughter (yes, a 45 year old can sha give birth to a 25 year old). What will you do then?”

Toke’s eyes blazed as she shouted at me “I know! Do you think I haven’t thought of all that? I wish I could just turn myself off and let him go. But it’s not that easy!”

I quickly hugged her “Sorry dear, I’m real sorry”.

Somehow I felt like life was playing a cruel tease game with us. It brought me a man who was my all I ever dreamt about but he turned out to be gay. It delivered Gloria to a man who turned her into his punching bag and cruelly killed their child. And now it had sucker punched Toke by delivering her the man of her dreams, with this big comma over him. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone always has to make some sort of compromise to get married, because it seems that is going to be the case here. Really, I want your thoughts on this in today’s comments. Is it absolutely necessary?

Back to Toke’s issue. She was near tears now. “I tell myself I should be proud of my man, and he’s been asking to meet my friends for like two weeks now, but I’ve given one excuse or the other. He’s too sharp not to see my excuses for what they really are, but I guess he is humoring me. But I really don’t know how long his patience will last. I want to be proud of my man in every way, but I cannot truly tell myself that even I am not struggling with this right now. My fear is that I’ll do something because of these struggles that will sabotage the relationship, and then I’ll then say it’s because of the age difference that it crashed when in reality, it’s my actions that caused the crash.”

My impulse is to tell Toke to end it and count it as a loss, but knowing how choosy she is, and how long it has taken her to find this, and then the fact that the guy is seriously considering marrying her, I really do not know what to say.

I looked at her and said “Toke, this is what we will do…”

Tunde Leye

Tunde Leye

Tunde Leye is the author of the blog Finding Hubby, which catalogues the escapades of the well loved Oyin Clegg. He is currently putting finishing touches to his debut novel – Golden Sands, which will be published in Nigeria in October, 2012 and will be available in select stores and on Amazon. Follow him on twitter @tundeleye

11 comments

  1. Hmmm…A delicate dilema.
    Much as marriage is btw d 2 pple involved, in African context it includes In-laws.So, as long as both cn get dia In-laws 2 agree 2 d union, it’s worth a shot.Toke cld gamble it & wu cn tell d future?
    Dia’s d Nick & Carey example.

  2. Getting married and staying married requires compromise in one thing or another. The definition of acceptable compromise varies per individual. I for one can easily compromise on age but wont be caught dead with a gay guy inthe name of marriage.

  3. Marriage: Does have its intricacies but let’s be realistic, an age difference of more than 2yrs (where she is obviously older than him) is too much especially for an African marriage. Family, Friends, Society will frown at it. This isnt about being a cougar, it is genuinely ‘cradle snatching’…

  4. I think they should carry on with the union.I know of a marriage where the wife is older than the husband(though not up to 7years)and it’s a beautiful one.

  5. If you find someone willing to go through hell just to keep your relationship alive,then never ever take their love for granted. Olumide seems to be willing having introduced her to his family already.I advice Toke should go for it because true love knows no bound. Age is just a number.

  6. Compromise for marriage comes in diverse ways. Age for me is important. We women can be funny, Toke is not only nearly a decade older than Olumide she is also bigger and richer. She might enjoy the marriage for the 1st 2yrs and then endure the rest of it. Commit it into God’s hands. Am a university graduate and my husband is yet to be one but he earns way more than me and he is only 2yrs older than me. We compromise in marriage one way or another but not with what raises so much eye brows.

  7. *sigh* Marriage comes with a whole lot of compromise……. if Toke gets married to Olumide, there are a lot of things at stake as clearly stated….
    but sometimes, a written agreement has to be made….
    call me mad or crazy..but i literally make a list of things i expect in my relationship …
    so a written agreement shud go smthn like dis: i’d love you no matter what…. i know our age difference wud make either or both of us insecure sometime in the future (which wud maybe never happen , since dey r married n no one wud care )….n i’d prob age faster n look less hawt than i lwk nw….blah , blah , blah…….
    den dey shud c a marriage counsellor……..
    i know most of these theory rarely comes in ur head wen ur face to face wiv d practical/reality….bt den again…. deres PRAYERS!!!…..
    enuf of my blabbing……nw i’m nt so sure i’ve made any sense…

  8. *sigh* Marriage comes with a whole lot of compromise……. if Toke gets married to Olumide, there are a lot of things at stake as clearly stated….
    but sometimes, a written agreement has to be made….
    call me mad or crazy..but i literally make a list of things i expect in my relationship …
    so a written agreement shud go smthn like dis: i’d love you no matter what…. i know our age difference wud make either or both of us insecure sometime in the future (which wud maybe never happen , since dey r married n no one wud care )….n i’d prob age faster n look less hawt than i lwk nw….blah , blah , blah…….
    den dey shud c a marriage counsellor……..a pastor…someone who wud guide dem…
    its marriage….its till death…n shud b taken criosly….
    i know most of these theory rarely comes in ur head wen ur face to face wiv d practical/reality….bt den again…. deres PRAYERS!!!…..
    enuf of my blabbing……nw i’m nt so sure i’ve made any sense…

  9. I’d say Toke shud take the bait.. why not give it a trial.. there’s destiny u know.. to me they are way too selective.. like most of the comments said, compromise is necessary for any relationship/marriage to pull thru…
    Back to the question…. I think Toke shud give it a shot.. Even if the marriage doesn’t last at least she go get shilddren for inside hehehe #okbye

    Btw Oyin u are a beautiful writer.. U dey yarn wwella… #bbmkiss :* :* :* :* :*:* :* :* :* :* I nor be lesbian o hahaha

Leave a Reply