I bet there is no woman in this country that has never been lied to by a man. I am saying country because I do not want to speak of what I’m not sure of. There are always the liars and women constantly meet them. For most of us who are lucky, we end up not having anything to do with this group of men because we can detect easily and because well, there’s God ( O:) ). But then some women haven’t been that lucky.
Some of these lies are ridiculous and sometimes, I wonder if it is compulsory they are told. My friend Reanne and I have pondered over these lies a number of times and we have concluded that some men can’t just be rid of it. For them it is like a second skin and something they cannot separate themselves from.
Even though, most men claim they lie because women love to hear it, I wonder if that makes it right. Anyway, here’s a list of the most ridiculous and annoying/uncalled for lies I have ever heard with my Nigerian ears.
1. “This Benz belongs to me, I have a thriving business and my brother works with Zenith bank as a top official“
This lie was told by a guy who was asking me out a few years back. I was in my final year and he was a close friend to one of my friends. I wasn’t really interested in him and so when he said some things I found unnecessary and appalling, I never bothered to question it.
But one day, the Benz that was supposedly his wasn’t in his compound and I noticed another Benz parked there. Now this Benz was a Benz 200 and need I say it needed about three seasons of pimp my ride dedicated to it alone!
I asked who the Benz was for and where his other car was and he went on and on about nothing. Curious, I asked the friend who hooked us up and then she said the Benz he’d claimed was his, was his mom’s and the one that I just saw in his house was his.
Then she went ahead to fill me in the story she should have earlier (which she forgot to for a reason I still don’t understand) she told me the guy was a liar and that he usually told the whole world he had a brother who worked in a bank but the brother didn’t and had never worked in a bank, why that lie was necessary I would never understand.
2. “Because I care about you and what we have, I have to be better for you“
My friend Reanne was the recipient of this lie a few years back, when the guy she was with, refused to come pick her the night they were supposed to see. He came back the following day to say this lie and of course she believed him. Only for her to realise a few days later that some other chic had shared his bed that same night.
3. “I have an inverter in my house. I never have problems with light“
I wasn’t the recipient of this lie but I was right there while it was being told and when the liar got busted. Reanne and I had just met this guy and his friend. While his friend and I were talking, I overheard the guy tell Reanne light was never his problem and screw PHCN. Later that evening, while we were on our way home, Reanne innocently mentioned the inverter story and the other guy, who I had been talking to all the while, said “oh guy, u get inverter?” His statement was followed by an awkward silence and of course we never saw him again. Uncalled for, you’ll agree?
4. “If I leave this girl, she would go to her father’s grave and swear for me because I popped her cherry“
Giselle heard this from a certain boyfriend of hers some years back. He had been lying about seeing a particular girl and when she’d finally caught him pants down, he invented this ridiculous lie. It is interesting no note that this girl’s cherries weren’t exactly popped by Giselle’s then boyfriend.
5. “This is my father’s house; I am the one in charge because I’m the only one in the family who likes the peace and quiet of Ibadan. Everyone else is in Lagos“
This classic lie is one of the 1st lies I was ever told by a guy. I was 16. We had just moved to our house then and this older guy was always trying to talk to me. I never gave him attention because 1. I feared what my mother would do to me if she realised I was making friends with guys on the street barely a month after and because 2. I just didn’t like the guy.
He waited for me to be sent on errands and always followed me. Then one day, after realising he was never going to get his chance, he pointed to where he lived and said it was his dad’s but because none of his family members were around it was technically his.
He even went further to state that he moved into the BQ because he was humble *confused face*. I was young and naïve about a few things but most definitely not stupid. I didn’t question it though, I only told my immediate younger bro, Temi and we laughed about it.
Then soon enough, the son of the real landlord and I were introduced by a mutual friend and I learnt as one story led to another that my friend who claimed to own the house was a shoemaker and his mom a petty trader. The guy moved away from the BQ a few years back to another house close by. And when I see him these days, I wonder if he remembers the interesting lie he once told me.
6. “I am a virgin. I’d like you to be the one who would disvirgin me“
This lie as far as I’m concerned is the most ridiculous and unbelievable lie a girl can ever hear. It was told to me by one of the most notorious and baddest boys, who I knew some of the girls he had slept with in the past. Apparently he didn’t know I knew and he came to me with this hilarious offer. Why his supposed virginity was supposed to appeal to me is still beyond me to this day.
7 “I work in α bank and my business cards bear my brothers’ names and phone numbers because it is the rule of d bank“
You don’t get that right? I don’t either. And I doubt my friend who was told this ludicrous tale doesn’t get it too. The guy who spun this funny lie went ahead to explain himself, “our numbers mustn’t be on d card, it must be that of a family member and the other name you saw on the card is my 2nd name. The numbers are for my brother though“.
Then he later said that he had the numbers but never took them out, anoda rule of the bank! Please do not ask me to explain this one further, friends. It’s beyond me. One thing it brings to my mind is this question, is the guy sure he works for a bank or for the FBI? Or maybe the CIA!
Guys before you skin me alive, I’m sure girls have told you very ridiculous lies too. You can share them too o. In fact a friend of mine is already gathering the most ridiculous lies girls have ever told him and his friends.