The Illusion of Absolute Monogamy

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Now, you that are very eager to read this are either a victim of cheating, a cheat, or one who wonders why people cheat, most likely you’ll fall into the second category but whichever group you fall into, keep an open mind while you read this, so your respective rational or irrational thoughts wouldn’t cloud your head.

It is the usual thing to fall in love (if it exists), and then stay faithful to that one person and then you two will bore kids and you’ll grow old together and die (probably at different times). Now what does being faithful mean? That is where the misconception lies.

But before I go on to talk about that, what the hell is love though?

LOVE [luhv]: The most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.

“I love you baby. Oh I love you too boo”; these words have been lessened in meaning (how wount it? When you will be using the word “love” for a meager P that you just set and blackberry kiss smileys have been molested). As a human there is no one you cannot channel your mind to fall in love with and there is no one that cannot channel your mind into supposedly “loving” them; all they have to do is have the right approach. The word “LOVE” and the emotions involved are supposed to be so strong that you’ll have been pushed very far before the bond can break and the last time I checked, the flirty text messages you read off your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s phone and casual sex he (an yes only “he”) engages in don’t qualify as a reason to break up if you are in “love” because with the feeling “love” comes sacrifice, compromise, and understanding. Sorry if I sound too rational, I just needed to speak on the word “love” before I get into the real point of the article. Well read on….

Now back to the misconception of the real meaning of being “faithful”; Now society has automatically channeled most of us into thinking being faithful means “never cheating” and this is the simple illusion of Absolute Monogamy. People tend to have the rational thought that a man/woman will never cheat on you, and NO I don’t need your opinion on what cheating is; Cheating is simply sharing some or all of the emotions you have for your gf/bf/wife/husband with someone else. In fact the people that often fuss about this cheating thing are those that aren’t even married yet but excuse my French; who the hell are you to complain about cheating when you haven’t written wedding vows.  You are just in a relationship that you hope to grow into something strong and the last time I checked it involves a shit load amount of tolerance, patience and above all logic if you are in “love” like you claim to be.

If you have chosen a guy/girl to be your  better half and love them with all your heart no matter what and be there for them whenever (last time I checked you have to feel this way before you get into a relationship except ofcourse you’re a teenager or you’re just bare unserious), there must have been something that drew you to them that sets them apart from the rest, weather you are aware what it is or not and on your behalf I expect the person that you feel this way towards to keep this in mind at all times. Call me what you want, I’m a lady but I’m speaking now on behalf of the men, these men are not daft (although some can be misleading) the ones who love you and stay with you and are true to you in all should be appreciated, don’t let one lil heaux who he shagged out of boredom or stress bother you, you are still the woman in his life, talk about it with him, give a polite warning and let all be well in the universe biko! Especially if you are with those men that are like magnet to girls, you knew what you were getting into before you decided to date him! Don’t frustrate and cry and be stupid enough to leave him just because he was out with the boys and some girl was on his dick and some tatafoo who doesn’t want your progress will now come and narrate and even add to the story. Your guy will forever love you if you are patient and tolerant, compromise is key, we live in a MEN’s world and you can’t stop them from looking at the girl in ice cream factory with a big ass or luscious cleavage even while you both are on a date and neither can you if they decide to get her number and shag her! As the major girlfriend there are certain standards you live up to, these girls that open their legs for your guy do not send you and once you leave the guy, you have answered their prayers! Besides society is too advanced and spoilt for you to give into the illusion of absolute monogamy, abi don’t they say that monogamy is the only curse placed on love?

I am not saying you shouldn’t stop your guy from cheating on you, try to stop it, but don’t be too extreme and do not leave him for this reason (except in extreme cases which are very few). There are certain ways that you will handle your guy, we all don’t want our men to cheat, they shouldn’t even be having sex with other women abi aren’t we enough ni? But the truth is there are certain advancements in logic that you need to develop as a “take home to mama” girlfriend! Men get bored and there are girls out there that will lure them into doing what they never even thought of, you have to be the smart one, communicate with him, joke about these girls once in a while to give him a hint that you know so he gets a tingle of fear and wonder, use your connections, if they are worth it and of your class, be friends with these girls abi how would he do her when she introduces you as her new friend J

Because my opinion may be seen as stupid to others, I have decided to counter the necessary arguments!

Why should men even cheat in the first place, love is faithful not treacherous?

My dear it’s the irony of life, human beings get bored, they need variety once in a while and they can be gullible and give into pressure easily. Men are quite gullible and lustful, it is your duty to reduce it because you can never get rid of it; the sooner you understand this, the better!

Ahh, why wount I leave him if he cheats, in the beginning he promised to love me and be faithful to me?

You see you already answered your question, “in the beginning” ofcourse everything is rosy in the beginning!! At the genesis of relationships, most promises are made based on the “now” not the long run! He needed you to agree to be with him and so he said nice things, once again it’s a human quality J

This is just an excuse to let men cheat abeg, we’ve been dating for 5 years instead of him to propose he cheats, I will leave his farrow!!?

Loool my dear calm your titties! Like steve Harvey says, if he hasn’t proposed, you haven’t required him to, and if you’ve been dating for 5 years and he didn’t cheat and decides to cheat after 5 years then darling you are doing something wrong or you are being played!

How do I know he is only shagging and not in love with the cheating partner?

I could start giving you yans about “signs of when he is catching feelings for the person he is cheating with” but the truth is that I believe in loving shamelessly especially when you’re not married so leave the guy to love, he still loves you more, do not lack confidence and gain insecurity!, be confident in the feeling he has for you and if you know he is cheating, get the real details and warn him politely with evidence!

Why is this one sided, if my man cheats why can’t I cheat?

You see, you possess the qualities of a heaux if you can think like that! Have you no dignity though, abi your relationship is now a ground to play tit for tat? Women are supposed to be the sane ones in a relationship, when the other party is going astray someone has to be there to pull him back and it is you the woman! There’s no basic answer for this question, just insults and more insults ahn ahn, abi you think it’s a lie when we say it’s a men’s world?

So I have spoken, and remember that this only applies when both of you really love each other. Men behave your selves and try not to cheat too much! And women do not be stupid enough to give into the illusion of absolute monogamy J

Chioma Halima Olabode

Chioma Halima Olabode

Chioma Halima Olabode is born of an Igbo dad and Yoruba mum in Jos, Northern Nigeria. An avid lover of Nigerian music and PS games. Deputy manager in an IT firm during the day and Vodka lover at night. Follow me on 360nobs for THE PILL on my precise thoughts on all sorts of Nationwide or Worldwide silliness.


  1. Dis is bull!!!! If u kp allowing him cheat and dnt curb his excesses, he will drop u lyk a bad habit!!!! T

  2. *sigh* I just have to comment. Aside the numerous spelling errors/omissions and poor punctuations, the logic in this article is very sheisty from the beginning. The idea that only married people should expect not to be cheated on is ludicrous. Every relationship (even platonic) has ground rules..if the ppl in that relationship expect fidelity, that’s not an illusion. That is reality.
    Now, the concept of cheating as sharing emotions with a third party is bullshit. Cheating can be very’s why ppl can cheat and still be in love with their partner.
    It’s a woman’s duty to try to be the sane one? Hunh? Yet we’re told everyday that we’re emotional and less prone to logic? This is what I see..true, it’s a man’s world, but seriously?! We should accept our roles as the main gf and when a man cheats, we should accept it as him using it to end boredom? For real? Women don’t get bored? We don’t like variety? Life is entertaining only for men? Granted, men will look at attractive women, but women do the same with men. Being in a monogamous romantic relationship doesn’t mean being blinded to other ppl, it just means you choose to be with the person you made a commitment to.
    Look..cheating is a choice. And trying to decide whether or not to accept it is a personal choice. There is no illusion in the personal choice of monogamy as long as those involved expressly state their intents. And no, I’m not a cheat, and have not been cheated on to my knowledge, I just hate when writers on this website write in a supposed nonchalant, no-holds barred tone…nah b, you’re just being douchey and passing your flawed opinion as pseudofacts.

  3. Errr @ready I never made a statement while writing that said only married women should expect not to be cheated on everyone and everyone shouldn’t expect absolute monogamy, oh and perhaps next time u will help correct spelling mistakes 🙂 sweety everyone is entitled to their opinions and I very much appreciate urs 🙂

  4. Oh but surely you’ve come across the terms “to imply” and “inference”. When you wrote, “In fact the people that often fuss about this
    cheating thing are those that aren’t even married yet but excuse my French; who the hell are you to complain about cheating when you haven’t written wedding vows. You are just in a relationship that you hope to grow into something strong and the last time I checked it involves a shit load amount of tolerance, patience and above all logic..”, that’s what I got from it. Correct me if I’m wrong.
    Also, sweety, I am not your editor. If you can’t proof-read alone, she could see to that for you. Cool? Cool.

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