After David slapped me, I realised that though I may not be so beautiful or sexy, I was still a woman damn it, and should be treated as one and not as metal.
I packed up my things and left the house for him, while he uttered curses at me. I cried for a week, at times reaching out to call him and beg to come back.
On my journey to getting my life back, I started going to the gym to shed some my weight after I got a warning from my doctor. There I met this guy.
His name was Kola and I have never met someone so carefree and happy about life. He always said “Never have regrets, what’s the fun there?” At first I thought he was just being reckless as he would take me horse ridding, jet skiing, and we’d party till morning. Bummi and Amaka didn’t understand it but there was this thrill I felt whenever I was with him.
One of the most revealing days of my life was the day we went to the beach to hang out with his friends and one of them made a comment, “Wetin u see for this big girl sef..she too big”.
I felt so embrassed not because of the statement, but because when I looked around everyone was staring at me. Kola smiled at me and said “She is real”.
Later as we chilled at his house, I finally opened up to him about David and being called fat and he said “Ahh, no wonder you are so serious at the gym, take off your clothes I want to see you”.
Shocked wasn’t the emotion I felt. It was much more than that, and I couldn’t understand why and how I took off my clothes for this man. When I did, he said, “I will be honest with you, I like my women slim and perfectly shaped but the times are changing. You have the full breasts and ass of an African woman, and that is enough. You are not that bigger than Monique but she flaunts her body confidently. I saw the look in your eyes when my friend made that ignorant comment. Be confident, you have many things going for you; including a beautiful and generous smile. So if David didn’t see that, then that’s his loss”. I never felt so appreciated, and as I broke down he said the most outrageous thing, “I will also strip and you will see that am not perfect as well”. That broke down any inhibitions I had. He stripped and we danced naked, drank wine, and traded stories.
As the weeks passed by Kola and I spent a lot of time together. He helped me rebuild my confidence and as there were absolutely no romantic strings attached, I began to understand the fundamentals of a friendship between a man and a woman. While preparing for my 27th birthday, Kola informed me he won’t be available because he has to travel overseas for a business meeting. I was disappointed but he had given me a ‘bribe’ to keep me happy.
On my birthday I was so happy to be surrounded by family, friends and great conversations. I had also just started working with an Oil and Gas company and was enjoying every bit of it. I hadn’t heard from Kola for over three days and couldn’t reach him either, so I decided to call his friend Mexy to know what’s up.
Hearing that Kola was dead was the last thing I expected to hear. My friend and confidant over the darkest months of my life was gone. Mexy had a letter for me from Kola which I found odd at the time, but after reading it I understood. Kola had a heart problem and was going to have his final surgery which coincided with my birthday. He didn’t survive it.
I felt so stupid and selfish. Here I was, engrossed in all my problems and never stopping to realize that my friend was sick. The final sentence in Kola’s letter was “The world is at your feet so fly as high as you want”.
So here I am, a year later, reading Kola’s letter again like I do every month. And, is the world at my feet? Maybe. I have been promoted at work. I drive my own car, and I’m godmother to two wonderful kids. And ohh, David is calling again. We ran into each other a couple weeks ago and he couldn’t believe it was me.
Wait!!! Did I fail to mention I lost a lot of weight? Yes I am still somewhat big but in the Khloe Kardashian way, and hey, I am loving myself more than ever. I got my confidence and self-esteem back. Do I wish Kola was here to see me? EVERYDAY!!!
I check my time and I am running late to meet my girls, Amaka is pregnant and is in a chatty mood. My phone rings, David again. I press the silent button and head out to have a laugh with the girls. Right now I’m single and loving all the attention. I know the right man will come soon, and till then… it’s me and my gorgeous self.