While I’m a firm believer of dressing for yourself and not a man, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t like it when a man complimented me on what I was wearing or what I looked like when I was out. As women we sometimes go to great lengths to look good, not only taking up a lot of time but also spending lots of money process, and none of us can truly say that it’s got nothing to do with men and how we’d like them to see us.
In the past I’ve had friends who,.;’ terrified that their boyfriends would see them without their make-up on, would wake up early just so they could put on their face; creeping back into bed afterwards to feign sleep, all to appear as though they’d woken up picture perfect. Can you imagine!! Whilst another friend who I paid an impromptu visit to one Sunday afternoon, disappeared 5 minutes after I got to her house, only to re-emerge 15 minutes later with a face full of make up! I asked her if she was expecting someone, feeling bad that I had interrupted her day, but she explained that she was just embarrassed about me seeing her without make-up on. I found this hilarious and was baffled as to why she would go to so much effort just for me.
I mean I had known here for 10 years at this point, and I sure as hell wasn’t trying to sleep with her! But tales such as this really got me thinking. Is it just that women lack confidence to be themselves in every sense of the word, or is it that they go to such lengths as they think it’s what men actually expect of them. Is all the effort women put in actually noticed by a man? Or does it in fact have the opposite effect, turning them off rather than turning them on?
I decided to carry out some research to try to discover exactly what it is men look for when they’re looking for a partner. And please, before I continue, note the word “partner” and not “one night stand”, because after asking around, I realized that lots women present themselves in a way that is guaranteed to attract the attention of man, however it’s often not interest of the long term variety that they get. My research opened the floodgates and it became a case what turn men off rather than what they look for, but nevertheless it was quite interesting. It would be selfish of me to keep my research to myself, so read on to get an idea of what men really want, or rather what they don’t like!
Fakeness – artificial hair, nails, eyelashes, eyebrows
Long untidy nails
Too much make-up
Dependence on men
Habitual Liars and Paranoia
Wanting to marry “tomorrow”
Obsession with material things
Lack of Family Values
The research conducted veered off the physical aspects of what a man doesn’t like, and other things were mentioned too. It seemed as though the people I asked were happy to finally have a voice and vent about all that they’d been unhappy with in their previous or current relationships!
But despite non-physical dislikes given, the number one complaint from men regarding a woman’s appearance was that too much make-up is a turn off, as is any fakeness in the form of hair, eye lashes etc. Comments such as “I want to be able to run my fingers through my woman’s hair if I want to” came up countless times. Despite never wearing a weave myself (for no reason other than I love my short hair by the way!), I tried to defend this argument by saying that often when I’ve been with my boyfriend and I’ve just had my hair relaxed, I don’t like my guys hands all up in my head either! But this was to no avail as it seemed that it was the mere fact that long hair was sewn on the head that seemed to be the major issue.
So what does this mean for women then? I certainly wouldn’t go as far as banishing all weaves lashes, make up etc from our beauty regime. After all, it’s our prerogative to express ourselves as and how we want to. And, to all the weave wearing, fake nail rocking ladies out there who have men, it most certainly isn’t having a detrimental effect on your life, so keep on doing you! But what I will say is that perhaps, when applying make-up, contact lenses or 30 inches of hair, or if you dress provocatively, think about the reasons why you’re doing those things. Is it genuinely because you like to look that way? If so, then more power to you. But if it’s all an attempt to attract the fancy of a man, I would think again, because to be honest, most really don’t seem to care.
Words by Funmi St Matthew Daniel