@Ebuka’s Shrine: Wedding Plans

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So, I have concluded that weddings do the exact opposite of what they do for women, to men. But then, someone said I’m just boy and not a man which probably explains why that would be my opinion. And that is understandable since I’m only just 25 years old (Sharrap!) in an older body. Then again, I have talked with a few guys who share the many issues that I have with weddings. Thus, there are either way too many boys in the world, or simply put, men are just different from women and nothing else.

I was at another beautiful wedding over the Easter holiday and as with most Nigerian weddings, it had everything in abundance; colors, food, a stunning bride, food, a loud MC and yeah, food. Then of course there were the single girls who sashayed by every other minute. I’ve always said that if I were female, I would have a strict dress budget for my female friends at my wedding. Because mehn, the way these girls turn out at weddings, you’ll almost not be sure who the bride is anymore. Too hot for words! That’s how the poor groom will now be looking at his wife and then at her friend’s table, wondering why he’s not with the other hot one! But I digress…

I spent half my time at that wedding dancing azonto to every possible song that came on. But the other hal, was spent by me trying to count the number of guests at the wedding and how much was spent on trying to feed them. I then counted the number of tables and multiplied by 10 seats. Then I counted the number of yellow geles from the women and then counted the number of silver filas on the men, then counted the number of cars parked outside, then counted so many other things countable. I just couldn’t help myself.

Weddings are not cheap, regardless of where they are held, so it surely isn’t a Nigerian problem. But there is just something about Nigerian weddings that leave me exhausted and sometimes worried. For every 10 guests you have at a wedding here, it is almost certain that 8 are neither family nor friends of either one of the couple getting married. It’s always people from your mother’s church and your father’s golf club and your mother’s age grade meeting and your father’s old boy’s association. That’s not counting the dozens of friends who come with 3 other of their uninvited friends just because they can. While all these are going on, the bride is almost always on top of the world, smiling from ear to ear and loving every minute of what is definitely her day.

We’ve all heard the talk about every girl picturing her wedding day right from when she was born. There’s every reason to believe that saying is true with the way women take control of planning, eventually becoming ‘bridezillas’ as the day approaches. On the other hand, I can’t say that I know any man who sits as a young boy, dreaming about his wedding day. Of course, it doesn’t mean that guys necessarily hate weddings; I just don’t know that it really is the happiest day of our lives. There always seems to be way too many things to worry about on that day than there is to be happy for.

But then, what do I know. Not like I’ve ever had a wedding myself. I’m probably just paranoid about how expensive they have become after being at 3 consecutive weddings where bottles of Moet Rose were being sipped straight from the bottle with straws. The Igbo in me is probably just placing too much of an emphasis on the fact that weddings have become more about unnecessary money spent on strangers, than about starting a new life together with your love. Whatever the case, truth is, I’m not about to become a priest. I also want to have kids, and I’m Catholic, which means I will have to get married to go down that route, thus a wedding is inevitable for me. But how possible is it to have a small controlled wedding in today’s Nigeria and still make it work?

ebuka

ebuka

Evolving! It's a process...

26 comments

  1. Lovely article..I always imagine my wedding to be a small and joyous occasion, full of love between my husband and I but then there is the point of pleasing people from far places and making sure they are well settled, that and more..

  2. Aha!thought I was the only one thinking along this line.I mean like seriously,what’s with the dramas and all.some go to the extent of starving afterwards.I won’t mind a small buh Cozy one.NICE WRITE-UP

  3. Oga Ebuksie,
    Right on point because I have just done mine which you obviously missed because bella -Naija wasn’t there to cover pictorially. MshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhW [long sigh].
    Women take control of planning, I understand because its there day, but this aint cheap, no matter how little you want it to be. They will never stop tweeting, BBM about it. So why will you not see punks that you don’t know that are obviously EOPs that will come to devour every little thing that you have made provision for valid guests who still might not have your best interest at heart.

    Overall and in conclusion, with utmost belief in holy matrimony, I strongly advice that you get ready for a carnival for yours since you are a people’s person, better-put ‘CELEBRITY’. We will raise funds and charity organisation for yours. No worry. Nothing is impossible for nwachinaemere!

    You are blessed, though I still need apology for not bringing your parparisious presence in my wedding.

    Cheers.

  4. I just figured I’ve never in my 25yrs(sharrap!) Imagined my wedding day and I’m a babe. Choi! I really suck at celebrating things too. Nice piece. My opinion on this is simple: if you hav to borrow money for your wedding then there’s something wrong somwhere. Cut down.

  5. I’m actually in Enugu atm for a wedding. It will be my first and I don’t usually attend because of all the fuss. I’m a girl but ve always imagined illl elope and reappear married later to avoid all the drama weddings bring.

  6. I strongly equate weddings with reckless spending.. As in, the money spent is his and mine alone and it doesn’t help that I’m an accountant and Igbo at that hence I see all things as profit and loss.The man of my dreams if you read this; just buy me the rocks from Tiffany, we get a maximum of ten people, wed in front of the beach while I wear a short dress (ie summer dress oo! Nothing lacy and long) a flip flop and a flower on my natural afro hair.. You can wear your shorts as long as you wax those hairy legs (I insist) then for reception we do some rock climbing, bungee jumping or sky diving. dont worry about the pictures, i’m an expert at photoshop, you take mine, i take yours, we get passerbys to take us together. the deed is done..Now do I hear an amen!

  7. I’m a girl. Since I was little I’v ALWAYS said dat I DO NOT want 2 hav a wedding ceremony. I still feel d same. my mom gives me d evil eye evrytime I say dis, but I’m dead serious, I will not hav a wedding ceremony. D very idea freaks me out. D man I’ll marry will jst go nd pay my bride-price in my villa, we’ll go 2 a court nd sign d papers, we’ll do a church blessing, That’s it! I’m prayin dat I meet/marry a man who shares my idea. I don’t hate weddings o, I’ve planned a few, being a maid-of-honour in one, did hair/make-up for a few, so I’m definitely sure dat its not 4 me. If me & my man are super rich, den I’ll spend d wedding money on a good honey-moon nd buy ourselves a piece of land/house/car.

  8. @Franque, dont mind them! ana’m a nu with serious emphasis. as if they dont have families. weddings should be celebrated, and if u r ibo or yoruba, unfortunately, its inevitable. even d ones who cant afford a honeymoon still do it in a big way. d best is to limit d number of people u tell. i am an Ada! i look forward to mine with a grand traditional wedding in d villa and an even amazing one in lagos! God will take care of d rest! ibokwenu

  9. no no no Franque. i’m serious. really. and i din’t say i don’t want a small wedding, i said, i DO NOt want a wedding ceremony, at all, at all. seriously. folks who know me know this. Believe it or not.

    1. hahaha!!!

      I used to say the same thing. Only now I have met the guy and gratefully he understands. What we intend to do is price price paying with few family members, blessing by pastors and a reception (both parents refused to let go of a big reception) and that’s it. And oh we are going to court with few family members as well.
      i have a blank cheque, (well almost) to furnish my kitchen and our bedroom.

      So Chi Chi i hope u find the guy that understands.

  10. Because mehn, the way these girls turn out at weddings, you’ll almost not be sure who the bride is anymore. Too hot for words! That’s how the poor groom will now be looking at his wife and then at her friend’s table, wondering why he’s not with the other hot one! …<<<<—– This got me rolling….. bella naija weddings r just the perfect xample.

    Nice Read !!!

  11. I love this article..i’ve always wondered why nigerians love big weddings…not tryna judge, to each his own..but i’ve akways hated it. My ideal weddng : 1 hour in the church, strictly by invitation reception and nothing more than 70 guests.

  12. once again EBUKA… U’ve been able too convince us 042 Men on the need too NOT have a Wedding.. Just have a kid and be happy.. Just my opinion ohhh…

    Nice piece Bruv… keep doing you

  13. Not all brides want a big wedding, all Mothers do.

    Its turning to be the mothers’ day and not the Bride.. why? because it is seen as an acheivement that the mother has married out her daughter…. or so i see it.

  14. Well mine I had a guest list, strictly by invitation, bouncers, total of 500 if not less at Civic centre, evening reception. Folks felt I was mean, for me it was budget and sincerity to my self, it’s just one day. Thank God he helped me pull it through with testimonies and good compliments from most of the guest. We had a blast……..

  15. Aaaahhh ebuka pls marry me..lollz 9c article..u jus 2 intelligent n smart moreover its nt bad if u get married 2 a lawyer 2…

  16. I think d fuss is wit d mothers of d bride and groom…cos only a tiny quarter of frnds of d couple eventually make it 2 d weddin…

  17. *sigh* I wish I culd elope. But dat will b considered d greatest abomination since tonto(aka pokobaby)music release. I went as far as threatenin my pops 2 gv em very few iv’s 4 his friends. But d dude whispered 2 mom saying ” dnt mind her I’ll photocopy it”. Knwin my dad, dats nt an idle threat. Am officially a terrified ibo bride. At dis point only Jesus can save.lol.

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