So, I have concluded that weddings do the exact opposite of what they do for women, to men. But then, someone said I’m just boy and not a man which probably explains why that would be my opinion. And that is understandable since I’m only just 25 years old (Sharrap!) in an older body. Then again, I have talked with a few guys who share the many issues that I have with weddings. Thus, there are either way too many boys in the world, or simply put, men are just different from women and nothing else.
I was at another beautiful wedding over the Easter holiday and as with most Nigerian weddings, it had everything in abundance; colors, food, a stunning bride, food, a loud MC and yeah, food. Then of course there were the single girls who sashayed by every other minute. I’ve always said that if I were female, I would have a strict dress budget for my female friends at my wedding. Because mehn, the way these girls turn out at weddings, you’ll almost not be sure who the bride is anymore. Too hot for words! That’s how the poor groom will now be looking at his wife and then at her friend’s table, wondering why he’s not with the other hot one! But I digress…
I spent half my time at that wedding dancing azonto to every possible song that came on. But the other hal, was spent by me trying to count the number of guests at the wedding and how much was spent on trying to feed them. I then counted the number of tables and multiplied by 10 seats. Then I counted the number of yellow geles from the women and then counted the number of silver filas on the men, then counted the number of cars parked outside, then counted so many other things countable. I just couldn’t help myself.
Weddings are not cheap, regardless of where they are held, so it surely isn’t a Nigerian problem. But there is just something about Nigerian weddings that leave me exhausted and sometimes worried. For every 10 guests you have at a wedding here, it is almost certain that 8 are neither family nor friends of either one of the couple getting married. It’s always people from your mother’s church and your father’s golf club and your mother’s age grade meeting and your father’s old boy’s association. That’s not counting the dozens of friends who come with 3 other of their uninvited friends just because they can. While all these are going on, the bride is almost always on top of the world, smiling from ear to ear and loving every minute of what is definitely her day.
We’ve all heard the talk about every girl picturing her wedding day right from when she was born. There’s every reason to believe that saying is true with the way women take control of planning, eventually becoming ‘bridezillas’ as the day approaches. On the other hand, I can’t say that I know any man who sits as a young boy, dreaming about his wedding day. Of course, it doesn’t mean that guys necessarily hate weddings; I just don’t know that it really is the happiest day of our lives. There always seems to be way too many things to worry about on that day than there is to be happy for.
But then, what do I know. Not like I’ve ever had a wedding myself. I’m probably just paranoid about how expensive they have become after being at 3 consecutive weddings where bottles of Moet Rose were being sipped straight from the bottle with straws. The Igbo in me is probably just placing too much of an emphasis on the fact that weddings have become more about unnecessary money spent on strangers, than about starting a new life together with your love. Whatever the case, truth is, I’m not about to become a priest. I also want to have kids, and I’m Catholic, which means I will have to get married to go down that route, thus a wedding is inevitable for me. But how possible is it to have a small controlled wedding in today’s Nigeria and still make it work?