June 2003, Igbere
Reverend Father: Mrs Ezeikpe, please can I talk to you in private?
Mrs Ezeikpe: Yes father.
Reverend Father: Ezeikpe cannot perform the “dust to dust” rite
Mrs Ezeikpe: Maka gini, Nna anyi?
Reverend Father: He’s not the first male child.
Mrs Ezeikpe fainted and the burial ceremony turned into a gossip ground.
The above happened at a friend’s father’s burial and it changed everything they thought they knew about the man.
I once asked a friend what he feared most in marriage and his answers were
(1) Another man’s child calling me father (because my wife took in for someone else while married to me) and (2) an ex showing up at my doorstep with a grown up child who looks exactly like me.
The story of the other child is not new to some families and in most cases, some have accepted the other child or children as the case may be.
Back in the days, a lot of truck drivers who passed through Ninth Mile in Enugu state kept a second family who only surfaced during their burial or when the woman got tired of being “the other woman”.
Their job required spending two nights in Enugu and gradually their side chics became baby mamas and then assumed the position of second wife only known to their fellow drivers.
The above situation was not only rampant amongst drivers but also within the circles of police officers who got posted round the country.
Today, the story is different; there are more children outside wedlock by people who are neither tanker drivers nor Police officers. I’m not even talking musicians; I’m talking about everyday people.
Personally, I believe in and will advise “Full disclosure” before marriage as it affects children outside wedlock. Partners need to discuss and accept such things as a couple, then decide if they really want to have the child trained by the actual mother or brought into the home to grow alongside their “expected” children.
Presently, what we witness is a situation where a man gets a girl pregnant, deny said pregnancy, and cut her off.
The same man will get into another relationship, propose and deny fathering a child. Years later when his wife starts having problems bearing children, he would look for and/or move in with the previously abandoned mother and child.
Trust me, no woman wants to be surprised with a child/children she was never informed about and no family wants to be informed of new siblings during your burial.
Be open in your relationships; if there exists a child/children discuss it before moving into marriage so that each time someone knocks on the door, you will be sure it’s the postman.
While we’ll agree that this does not only happen before marriage, it’s unacceptable to have a child with another woman while married to someone else – Period.
Say no to having “The Other Child”
Let’s discuss this …