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Another month end, another guest. Black Pearl is a friend who recognised me from a flight she was on last year – coincidentally, on a Friday just after reading one of my posts.

 She writes too and runs a blog of her own. You can find more Black Pearl at  She’s my guest so let’s please show her some love in the comments box.  

I was 12 when I first saw him. As a short, skinny and super-young girl in a military school, my idea of self preservation demanded that I keep my head low and mind my own business and that definitely didn’t include fraternizing with one of the school’s bad boys. However, this instance would very soon be out of my hand. I was in SS1 at the time and my best friend had just transferred to my school. She was in SS2, was more jovial and more developed (physically) than I was and therefore made friends more easily (at least that was my excuse for my being so shy back then). At that time, she was dating his classmate and friend and that’s how we met.

I guess the guy wanted to show off his new girl to his friend, and  I had gone to her class during break to chat as usual. She sat by the window, and since most of the glass in the window were already broken, I didn’t have to enter her class to talk to her, I just stood by the window and we would gist. I was bouncing to my usual spot by her window when I noticed it occupied by two tall dudes. They were talking to her, I didn’t know whether to proceed or retreat. While I was deliberating, she saw me and called me to come over. She introduced me to both of them and I remember my first thought about him was he looks rough and he would most likely be part of the people who would punish me.

I mumbled a greeting and since she was too busy flirting with her boo, I was stuck twidling my thumbs and staring at the floor.

I don’t remember our first conversation or our second or our third. All I do remember is that we became friends; a tiny 12year old SS1 girl who looked more like she belonged in JS2 and a 17 year old bad boy of the school. It was an unlikely and inexplicable friendship but it was a friendship nonetheless.

Everyone began to wonder what was going on. His friends asked him what he was doing with that little girl, my friends asked me exactly how I snagged that guy, and we kept telling everyone it was a friendship. I guess very few people believed us because there were three instances of me being punished by prefects for the most ridiculous reasons and it would be whispered back to me by my friends that it was because I was taking away the prefect’s man that I was punished and not because of whatever reason they actually gave. I never told him about this because I didn’t want to cause more trouble with these girls and I was too embarrassed that he would think I did like him (which at this point I did!) and somehow, everything would fall back on me.

Four months after I met him, I had to leave him, and the school, and relocate to the U.S. I didn’t have any way of contacting him and by then I had admitted to my best friend, the same one who introduced us, that I had a crush on him. I asked her to tell him goodbye for me and explain what happened and why I had to go in such a hurry.

I thought of him many times over the years, but what could I do? I had no way of contacting him so I just let things go.

On Jan 1, 2006, right after I returned from church, I got a phone call from a strange phone number. The person wished me happy new year and played around for a while but it definitely was him! He had relocated to the U.S as well and got my number from that same friend of mine. It was the best new year surprise I could ever had asked for and we started talking and catching up. By May, we were dating and that continued on and off for close to 5 years. It was a relatively long distance relationship as we were not in the same state, but we tried to see whenever we could.

He was always sure of what he wanted, Me, and I was always sure of what I wanted … Well in a way. I wanted a boyfriend that I could be around and it drove me crazy we didn’t see as much as I would have wanted. In the space of 5 years, we broke up 3 times and even when we were together, I fell for other people twice. Does that mean I don’t care about him? No. I don’t feel that heat anymore. There’s no gushy pool in my stomach when he is around. He is my best friend and we still talk and joke around a lot. He still says he’s going to be the one to marry me, and my friend (same from high school) agrees with him. In fact, she keeps chronicling everything that happens between us, saying it would be a great fodder for her speech at our wedding. I usually smile and say nothing. Without the passion, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Friendship is all well and good, but it is not enough to base on forever without passion included … at least that’s how I feel!

They say fire dies and passion dims, but friendship will see you through old and grey days. I believe them, but my heart wants passion and fire first and we can talk about old and grey when we are old and grey.



"Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn't. Scratch that. He didn't.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn't in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!" Follow @franque_521 on twitter.


  1. ℓσℓ! @ your last sentence. Fire and passion do dim but a solid friendship brings them back…..from my experience, anyways.
    I enjoyed reading.

  2. Am I first? The debate: Fire/Passion versus Friendship. I will choose friendship tho because I can ignite/create the fire/passion I desire if the guy is willing. Friendship transcends all seasons or hardships,it is the basis of every relationship,for me.

  3. My sister follow friendship ooooohhhh passion might not last forever but friendship will! It is only a friend that will totally understand you passion/ fire would not, you will need to keep adding fuel to the fire to keep it burning and that is tiring. wonderful piece, please come back and give us another one.

  4. Friendship is wonderful but am a strong believer of passion……..If he doesn’t make my heart melt,then there might be no hope……..its good to be great friends but its better to have both

  5. Good mornin family, durin the week iBecame an uncle – again. Thank u for the love y’all be showin T.L. Bridges, lemme reply ur comments if iDare:
    @ Kay: iSee we r back to “1st” ways. Well done;
    @ Olaedo: iSee u commentin here more regularly, yes iNotice these things.
    @ MaBijo: u r 1st o. Joint 1st with Kay.
    @ Sara_Taffy: iWill see what iCan do about gettin Miz Bridges back on this here page;
    @ eL: u sha can’t ask for one thing o, u havta wanna have ’em both!
    @ Everyone_else: iAm a fan for fire, yet there’s a need for friendship – and iKno there exists one who can give u both. Anything else is considered settling. Y’all come back @ 12noon for MY own post 2day – it’s an activity post lyk iPromised last week. See y’all on the flip side. Deuces

  6. Hello everyone
    It is a pleasure to be on this space and to write. Thanks for reading and for the comments. As for the topic, I am not saying it has to be all fire and nothing else. I’m a person who starts with friendship first and then see what develops. What I’m saying is that what is between him and I has settled into good friendship but there is no more fire and I can’t marry him knowing that. I guess Franque said it best. There has to be both for things to work. I know myself and if I go in just for friendship alone, it won’t end well at all.
    Again thanks so much for reading, I really appreciate this family here. And so much appreciation to Franque for allowing me to share his space.

  7. Passion n friendship, I tink they’re both important when it comes 2 spending the rest of ur time 2geda. What I’ve learnt 4rm this story is that, I tink it’s gd 2 get married when the spark is stil there.

  8. fire and passion wd make ya heart tingle.friendship wd keep u thru d ‘funny’ times.u can rekindle d passion bt d friendship,money cant buy. Congrats franque on ur becomin an uncle

  9. I have bn in this place 1001 times!!!! It is my prayer that the passion I feel now remains for as long as possible…. In the main time, iv discovered being spontaneous is the key…

  10. awwww,this is beautifull n d last line nailed it. Like Franque said i ad rather wait for d one who can give me both. Come back again miz

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