360SUBMISSION: CONFUSED.COM

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I don’t like being confused about anything, and I avoid anything or anyone that confuses me. This is why I don’t eat pounded yam, because you see, pounded yam is prepared and dished like your regular Eba or Akpu swallow meal, but on getting into the mouth, you taste yam. This confused my food-loving brain the 1st time I ate it, so I’ve shied away from pounded yam ever since.

A lot of decisions are way easier, no-brainers really, when things are spelt out in simple terms. Say you are confused about two guys, a ‘Yemi Blaq” and a ‘Brian Okwara’. Spell out your needs ‘I want a husband material more than I want a super-hot boyfriend’, solution- Yemi Blaq.

Confused about heels or flats, spell out your needs ‘I really want to be comfortable more than I want to knock’em dead’, solution- flats.

This aversion to confusing situations is also the reason I find it hard to really sympathize with when ladies say that they are with a guy who has a girlfriend or wife, and they know that the man in question can’t or won’t leave his woman for them, and that they are confused about what to do. Erm, why the confusion? Lay it out for yourself, Can I stay and be the other woman, A.K.A side chick? If the answer is no, leave. If the answer is yes, then stay and stop complaining and trying to gain sympathy or understanding.

So, I met *chuks through my BFF, and he was such an interesting, and sharp guy (yes, I like brains, no dulling for me) with the right amount of the funnies (the right amount, no Mr. Bean here). We got talking, and got this ‘flow’ going, and as a woman, I had sharply pegged him for a potential bobo.

Fast forward …three weeks later, this is the time when hooking-up for drinks begin to come up in the gist, and as is my style, because you see, we are not so many children in my house, so my head is always important to me…to avoid story. *Chuks was like “so let’s go and see a movie this weekend now”, and I said “sure. Where? Galleria or Genesis? And what day?”

In my mind I was already calculating everything, the threads I’d wear, perfume, money, etc, you know, logistics (lol), but my innate self-preservation tendencies made me pause. I said “Ehen, chuks, this one that you are asking me out to the movies, hope your girlfriend won’t mind?”

In case, anyone here doesn’t know, this is the code for ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’

Anyway, *chuks was like “emm, not really sha”, and inside my mind i said “hian!” *chuks continued to explain the supposed situation with his girlfriend…blah blah yadah.., but I had already redone the whole arrangement in my mind sharp sharp! I mentally took several steps back from the whole thing, and dragged the meeting for another two three weekends. We are friends now, that’s all.

Life is already complicated and difficult, especially for a young person like me, so where and when I can, I will simplify things for myself and spend my energy on more difficult things, like, well, more difficult things.

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