Memoirs of a Slu…shhkid: Entry 68

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Yeah. It’s me again and I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for long. I would have posted on Monday but I was busy reading erotic articles.

On a very serious note, am I the only one that loves watching Olu Maintain’s NAWTI at night. I can tell you what every other person in the video was wearing except for Olu himself.

You can’t even lie, I know that a lot of people who previously ignored him only just realised that he put out a song with that video.

On a lighter note, I saw a young man running away from a rat. Mind you, I didn’t say a boy, I mean a full-grown ass man with chest hair and probably an uneven spread of hair on his ass.

I think there’s something wrong with the society today and our claim to manhood has been reduced to six packs, tattooed body and how many rounds of sex one can go.

Gone are the days the average young man knew how to fix a bicycle chain, change a flat tyre or clear blocked bathroom drainages.

I may be wrong but the new breeds of men are too weak to be referred to as “Dike”. We hardly have the type of young men that will carry torchlight to check out the noise outside the house in the middle of the night.

We are the “carton” men and our women now consider “cooking” as an extra in a relationship and marriages. Eating out is now the norm with women as 4square mayors of popular fast food joints in Lagos.

Chibuzor, biko!! This is Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid and not Dr Phil’s show, please step aside for the SLU…shhkid.


Looking at the way the French knickers held her well rounded ass in place made my heart skipped a beat but that was until she bent down to rub some cream on her feet.

With one leg on the bed and her back bent, my head told me that the only thing that was missing was a naked me holding her butt cheeks apart from behind.

She looked at me and winked while licking her lips. At that point, I think semen shot up into my brain.

Uju: What are you looking at?

Nobs: Nothing.

Uju: Please help me with my back.

I moved over towards the bed and collected the cream from her.

For about 2 minutes, I was confused on what to do and didn’t know if “Please help me with my back” was a green light.

Nobs: Should I put the cream over the bra strap?

Uju: Ajuju!

Nobs: Ok, that means I wont cream the areas covered by the bra.

Uju: Why are you behaving like you’ve never unhooked a bra in the past? You used to boast that you could take off my bra with just one hand or have you suddenly lost those skills?

Nobs: You won’t understand.

Uju: Okay, just note the specific hooks, unhook the bra and when you are done kindly hook them back.

I unhooked the bra and I could feel her boobs push it forward.

Looking down at her while creaming her body, I knew that it would only take a lil cream on my man friend and a carefully targeted “sliding” from the side of her panties for a “touch down”.

Talking about slipping a d**k from the side of the panties, there’s something special apart from the act and it adds a lil excitement to the action. It’s even a lot sexier if the lady is wearing a thong and very effective in office romance/ swimming pool sex.

In an office romance, once you get that lil opportunity in the board room or mens’ room, all you need to do is pull her skirt up, unzip your fly and slide in from the corner of her panties. BLISS.

I carefully took my time running my fingers all over her back and occasionally digging my fingers in.

Uju: Don’t start what you will not finish.

Nobs: And who said I was trying to start something.

Uju: Your hands are on my body and I am telling you what you are doing to me.

Nobs: Maybe I should stop.

Uju: Maybe you should, so that your girlfriend doesn’t walk in on us.

Nobs: Don’t dare me and no, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just my neighbour.

Uju: Please save this neighbour story. I don’t know neighbours that wear undersized tee shirts to their neighbour’s houses by this time of the night.

Uju dressed up and together we all stepped out of the house. We got to Deuces and it was a lil awkward as I was busy trying to please both of them. While Arewa requested for Vodka, Uju ordered for Henny and I ended up with Coke.

I didn’t want to give Uju too much attention considering the fact that I planned to take her home. I thought I was the only one having a bad night until I looked over at the table opposite us. The man was making so much effort to hold the lady’s hand but she wasn’t forth coming. His table had everything from Champagne to fried meat.

I don’t know why ladies do this but if you won’t let a man hold your hands after spending so much, is it not advisable not to accept things from men you don’t intend to give “ Show”?  The man was even accepting the rejection with smiles and the lady was busy filling her flute.

About an hour later, Uju then ordered another bottle of vodka and that was when I got worried. So I whispered…

Nobs: Nne, Why the Vodka?

Uju: Don’t worry, I can pay for it.

Nobs: It’s not even about the money. If you mix your drinks, you may get really high.

Uju: I can handle my drink.

The night continued with drinks and dancing. I took turns dancing with the two ladies and at some point, I noticed that Arewa was high as she kept going for my crotch area while dancing with me and her laughter became a bit louder.

Nobs: Are you okay love?

Arewa: I’m ok and happy.

Nobs: I can see that. Erm, why are you grabbing me?

Arewa: How? (She then grabs me again) Oh that? I want some.

Nobs: Not today and definitely not in the club. If we were ever going to have sex, it would be on a day that you are not drunk.

Arewa: Let’s go to mine.

Nobs: I have a friend and it would be unfair to leave her here.

Arewa: She said you guys dated or are you planning on f**cking her tonight?

Nobs: No (I lied). I am not.

I knew that if I had gone out with just Arewa I may have taken her offer but I wasn’t sure how long Uju was staying and I didn’t want to give her the impression that I was no longer attracted to her.

I wanted to be sure that Arewa was not just talking under the influence of alcohol. She lives just across my house and can get it all through Sunday until Monday morning.

Arewa grabbed the bottle of Vodka from the table and took a long swing. When she dropped the bottle. I knew I was in trouble.

I looked over at Uju; she was still on her seat but had her face down.

I excused myself from Arewa and walked over to Uju, I lifted her face to check if she was sleeping only to discover that she had thrown up on the floor.

I held her and she whispered “Take me to your car”.

Nobs: You want us to go home?

Uju: Just take me to the car. I just want to rest a bit.

I walked her to the car and immediately she sat down, she threw up again all over the car door.

I begged the bouncers to get me pure water from the lady that sells Shawama. I washed the door, switched on the AC and then left her to go get Arewa so that we could leave.

I couldn’t find Arewa at the table. I waited a bit thinking she went to the ladies but after 10 minutes, I had to beg one of the female waiters to help me search for her in the female bathroom.

She found her throwing up in the toilet.  And that, was just the beginning of the night.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. What’s the worst that could happen to a guy with two ‘superhot’ (like say I follow see them) babes puking at the same time… Zoba’s prayers must really be working. lwkmd!!!

  2. wow naija girls have started behaving like nasty white girls.. getting drunk, misbehaving and throwing up…at least in the UK they have a proper fully functioning health care system that will deal with liver disease and all sorts…don’t know about naija tho….hhmmm sorry just an observation… I was so shocked on my last visit to naiija….its not coool or ladylike at all

  3. ‘Buzo, you are complaining of cooking as extra?
    u wey na ice cream factory and chocolate Royale be your second and third homes.

  4. YES! Nobs is back, now this is what I know memoirs to be 😀
    Ewwwww at the throwing up competition…I just don’t get why some people drink more than they can handle! I’ll die of embarrassment and say goodbye to alchie especially if I messed up in the midst of a guy I might end up sleeping with…not cool at all!!!!!

  5. @ raz loooooooooooooool!!!!!!!! he loves the place na??
    lmfaoo @4square mayors, hehehe at slipping dick in from the side, i should do that with the boo soon. hehe…
    interesting read as always.. still find ‘lacha mu’ from 2weeeks ago hilarious!!xxxx

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