I like to sit with my male friends and hear them talk. It’s funny, but some of their tales are ridiculous and keeps me laughing for days. Since a lot of people have referred to my chronicles as “articles that are out to get boys“, I have made up my mind to get my boys to give me their most ridiculous experiences they have had with girls.
Before I start though, I’ll like to say that nobody is expected to believe these stories and so rude comments would be replied accordingly.
I’m starting with worst dates ever. My friend Covytuff has this to say about his worst date
“I met this girl in my youth church. The first day I met her, she was in a well fitted suit and she looked pretty. We clicked right there and then and I thought, why not go on a date?”
Covytuff and the girl agreed on a date and on the day, the girl got to the hangout spot before him.
“She was dressed in a skirt suit and was looking very formal. She also picked a seat very close to the entrance of the restaurant. I had prepared so much for the date and I dressed in a polo shirt and skinny jeans. When I sighted her, I wasn’t too pleased because I hadn’t expected her to turn up looking that way”
Covytuff however walked up to his date and complimented her. They talked for a while and he asked them to go sit somewhere not so close to the door. His date however smiled and insisted on sitting where they were.
Covytuff shrugged and asked that they go take their orders. His date asked for cake and Ice cream and he asked for a bottle of fayrouz. Just as he was about to pay, she pointed to a particular juice and asked for it.
Covytuff paid and they returned to their seat. Then she asked, “Did you see the small fine boy on my dp?” He nodded and answered “yeah, he’s a cutie.”
She giggled and said “He’s my son. Like mother like son yeah? Good genes run in the family”. My friend was shocked and almost choked on his drink. Just before he could ask how, what, when, she asked for an empty plastic bottle. “My friends and I don’t leave our drinks halfway when we buy o. If we can’t finish we turn into bottles and take home.”
Covytuff stared in shock at this pretty but crazy date of his. “Maybe U can place the pack in your bag without turning it into a bottle?” He suggested. She shook her head and replied “I prefer turning it into a bottle”
How in the world… She interrupted his thoughts “Can you help me hold this till we get out then?” Looking for a way to turn down her “un-grantable” request, he got up from the table and offered to buy her another one.
“I didn’t bother calling her after then and I avoided her very well at church. She called after two weeks and asked why I haven’t called her. I told her I was busy. That was it!”
Dre and this girl had met through a mutual friend. He realised that not only did they have mutual friends; they also shared same interests and thoughts. It was almost impossible not to like this girl and so he invited her on a date.
“She’d told me she liked drinking and could handle four bottles and still be sober. I thought, well for a girl that’s impressive and told her we would try out a few drinks when we hook up!
On our date, I bought a bottle of Red wine first and poured her half a glass. She had not finished the glass when she started acting really funny. At first, I was confused and at a loss. She couldn’t be reacting to the drink,right? I thought. Before I knew it, she was acting uncontrollably and drawing attention to our table, she was drunk after half a glass of red wine!”
Dre added “if I hadn’t opened that bottle and taken a drink myself, I’ll have thought the bar man mixed something else with the drink!” Dre was embarrassed and he immediately took the girl out of the bar.
Dimeji had always admired this girl from a distance and hoped for the day they would actually sit down, talk, have a few drinks maybe and hopefully take things further. He finally got a chance to talk to her when two of his friends came over to his place and revealed to him that they knew the girl. He was happy and asked for an introduction.
His friends introduced them.
“I somehow learnt that she’d been tripping for me too while we were all talking. My friends urged us to hook up since we apparently liked each other very much. I agreed with the idea and asked her on a date. She smiled and conceded. I was ecstatic!”
Dimeji and the girl picked the next day since they were so eager to be together.
“She came over to my house the next day and when I hugged her, I could swear she had mouth odour”
“But then I didn’t want to believe that. We talked for a while and she said she wished she could kiss me. I said why not and we moved closer to each other. Then I covered her mouth with mine and then the mouth odour!”
Dimeji tried to withdraw but the girl had wrapped her hands around his neck so tightly it was impossible to let go. “She kept on kissing me, licking my whole mouth for five whole minutes! It was torture!” Dimeji smiled and excused himself after the kiss. “I went to the toilet and puked! That was some date!”
Girls apparently aren’t the only ones with worst dates. Moving on to worst kiss next week!