foHORNYcation with Yuzedo: SIZE, DOES IT MATTER? (2)

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Anatomy is destiny  ~ Sigmund Freud

In the last piece, I believe I succeeded to a reasonable extent in establishing the importance of size, with the simple illustration of how the more than average size of my member secured me sixty seconds of scintillating sex………………… err, scintillating for (only) me that is. **sheepish grin**

However, having the tag “big” affixed to your sex organ isn’t always a good thing I am aware. Prefixes such as “large”, “huge”, “mighty”, “enormous”, while ego massaging for a category of people, serve as the exact opposite for the most disadvantaged class of people in the world…. WOMEN!!!

Now, don’t get me wrong! It’s all fine and dandy when a girl is described as possessing huge racks, or buttocks disproportionately larger than the rest of her anatomy, and is even more so when the ass-to-brain ratio is 5:1; I mean, isn’t it YOUR fantasy??? I know niggaz who “date” bimbos for the simple reason that she’s packing 36dd juggz, and an ass that will give Nicki Minaj nightmares of inferiority complex (that kain nyash wey u go comfortably balance full glass of water on top) and this is regardless of whether she is as clueless as cross between G-Luck and  Kenny St. Brown!…….. Like dude? Seriously?! **shudders**

But I digress….

Anyways, I was talking about the fact that big breasts and butts are ok……… But ladies and gentlemen, a big toto???? HELL NAWW!!!! Uhn uhn. No sir!!! **shaking head emphatically**

Brothers, I ask you, have you ever imagined what fucking a whale’s pussy, missionary style with YOUR six inch willy would……… ok! Scratch that; that is just nasty!!

I mean y’all saw the Wizkid “video” yeah?  And y’all know why that nigga didn’t bust a nut in sixty seconds right?? THAT NIGGAZ PENIS WASN’T MAKING CONTACT WITH THE VAGINAL WALLS OF THE FEMALE MAMMOTH HE WAS FRANTICALLY FUCKING!!!

Like really, that kid’s dick was probably swimming in that bitch the way a vertically suspended toothpick would free-fall in a well. Yep! That penis was as smug in that coochie as a drinking straw stuck inside a flask of akamu! Imagine the tightness… **sarcastic smirk**

Anyway, I think most guys who are honest with themselves can to a certain degree of certainty say, “been there, done that”. And no, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m positive that even Lex Steele and my great ancestor, Mandingo, with their limb-sized cocks have encountered vaginas that awed the fuck outta them! It can’t be helped brothers, the women take the cake whichever way you look at it in the battle of the big badonkey… **shrugging**

And as surprising as it may sound considering the fact that I have the biggest penis in the world, **nose growing longer than Pinocchio’s**, yes, I have actually had quite the unfortunate experience in that department… In fact, more than once I daresay!

So once upon a time, I was terribly active on facebook, indeed, quite addicted. It was all good though, as the situation attracted some mighty fine perks to go with the position. For those of you who aren’t aware, social forums have always been a hotbed for illicit sexual dalliance; Myspace, Hi5, 2Go, BBM, all these platforms according to UN are the number two cause of unwanted pregnancies and STD’s. The number one cause still remains the legendary penis of Bro. Tuface Idibia!! (Ok, apart from the STD part, sorry Uncle Mr. Tuface Idibia Sir! **hesitant grin**)

So I’m on facebook screening and responding to pending friend requests, when my good conscience tells me to proposition one of my potential “friends” (yeah, my “good” conscience is an evil bastard, sue me/imagine what the “bad conscience” is like #epic paradox)

So I accept her friend request and inbox her, and I get a reply almost instantly. Game on!

We start to banter, thankfully, she’s quite witty so it’s only natural than an hour later we are conversing on the phone, five minutes into which we are ruling out a physical meet that day due to commitments, but it’s on the next day. Woo hoo!

The evening of the next day comes and I receive her. Now, I had been warned prior to our meeting that her profile picture didn’t adequately do justice to her “actual” present frame…… Huh?! That’s putting it mildly bitch, you’re fat!! **I kid**

Ok, damage control kicks in, so what if she isn’t as “slim”, hey, she still has a cute face and a likeable personality, and of paramount importance, a vagina! Besides, it’d be a good one for the books, doing a fat plus size chic I mean.

So we gist, and gist, and gist!

…………………. And that’s the end of the story you fucking perverts looking for toto gist!

Who am I kiddin’ right? Hehe!

Anyways, she departs that day, but not without giving me an extended (might I add unsolicited) kiss for being a gentleman and not making a move on her.. “Hah! If you only knew darling”, I mused.

Come next morning and she’s over at mine, and it is obvious the legion of Hades has conspired to watch heavy porn with their popcorn and coke because we hardly make small talk before we are eating each other’s lips and groping and grinding in the living room.

My good conscience who is understandably ecstatic at my excellent fortune altruistically suggests the bedroom would be a much more comfortable venue than the couch, and when I relay this “faultless” submission, I hit a brick wall from a chic who obviously doesn’t see 4th base as a home-run……………….

………………………… Err? How many girls till date have I made out with in my life?? A million I’d say, and I’ll be damned if it hasn’t gotten exceedingly boring when there is no guarantee of penetration! Mehn, I just sincerely lost interest and lay down there, while she did all she could to turn me back on with her lips and hands.

I believe it was when I was on the absolute verge of falling asleep that she whispers in my ears that she’d like to take me up on my suggestion and see what the bedroom looks like.

….. err, you remember that interest I declared lost??? Well, I found the marrafacker again. SHARPALY!!!! Hehe! **rubbing hands together in excited/evil glee**

** TO BE CONTINUED**

 

P.S.
There’s this guy who’s in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he’s shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike is in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner:

“This bike is beautiful! I’ll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

“Well,” says the seller, “it’s pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you’re buying the bike I won’t need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it.” and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

So the guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She’s ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend’s parents’ house. It’s the first time he’s going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend’s arm.

“Honey,” she says, “I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.”

“No problem,” he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.  They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

“Her Mom’s kinda cute”, he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend’s Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence. Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it’s starting to rain. He figures he’d better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father stands up and shouts:

“All right, all right! I’ll do the damn dishes.”

Follow on twitter @yuzedo77 (Instant follow back guaranteed).

Yuzedo

Yuzedo

•Man without a MANual.
•Have both an Ego and an Alter-Ego.. Neither is positive.
•Brain of a Rocket Scientist (Albeit a very lazy one)
•Gentleman with values deep-down (VERY deep-down)
•Greatest Achievement: Killing a lion with bare hands & walking away in slow motion & Killing “two stones with one bird”. @Yuzedo77

6 comments

  1. Dude!*smh* I should preach to you about…something, but I’ll leave that to some zealot. But be honest sha…a chick did you wrong abi? Still, bikonu keep ’em coming 🙂

  2. @ Zee: “Satisfy” tho?? are you a boy or a girl? If u r a boy, gerrat nigga! If u are a geh.. Eh, send me a DM on twirra sweerie.. :p
    Thanks Dewin, and the rest of y’all.. The encouragements are what keeps us going yo!

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