Coco’s Chronicles: The Unsure Brother

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My father is a pastor

Why do I have a feeling some people would not believe this? Anyway, believe what you want but I’m a preacher’s daughter *straightest face possible*. And I think because of this, a lot is expected from my brothers and I. More from me because I’m the first child and only girl. It would have been understandable if this expectation was from my family but it’s mostly from church members and most times, they seem to expect too much.

A while back, the youth pastor in my church felt I was quite smart and vocal and asked me to come preach about a topic at the youth vigil. Apart from the fact that I don’t like vigils, he didn’t inform me until the afternoon of the night the vigil would take place and boy was I pissed.

I decided not to go because I was not prepared in anyway, had to travel the next morning and had absolutely no idea why it was me he picked to be the only female preacher! I was the least spiritual of the remaining preachers (in fact the least spiritual youth in my church!) and I ran away from most youth meetings.

My parents stepped in and my dad quoted all the scriptures in the bible that had to do with obedience and well, dem born me well make I no go?

After this, I tried to make myself  inconspicuous. I ran away from more meetings and avoided as many people in the church as I could. Looked like it wasn’t enough because not long after, a church brother walked up to me and asked me to come join the choir, then the next sunday asked me to come join the drama group and then next asked me to come join the prayer warriors and before he could ask me to come join the ministers, I asked him “abeg, why are you so interested in me joining all these departments?” I should just have kept quiet. He began quoting the scriptures and telling me God had a plan for me blah blah blah.

In short I was more confused at the end than I was at the beginning. It soon became clear to me after a while though.

One sunday morning before service started, this brother walked to me and asked to see me after the service. I thought it was about joining another department, so I laughed in my mind and strategised an escape route immediately after service. But it looked like this brother had read my mind because he walked up to me immediately I picked my bag to leave and asked me to come outside with him. Then he began this long story that I quite didn’t get and ended it with something that had to do with me and him together.

I asked him what he meant and he said I was his wife. Hehehe I couldn’t laugh! Out of all the sisters in church, the ones who wore long flowing skirts and thick/big shirts, the ones whose favourite words were “God bless you” and “Jesus is Lord“, the ones who laughed at his jokes when they were very boring(he didn’t seem to have any funny joke) and the ones who constantly spoke in tongues, none of them appealed to this boy.

Except me! Me that went to church late! Me that ran away from most services! Me that constantly fought with my mom anytime we had vigils! I told him he couldn’t be right. He had to go back and rethink.

This brother started chasing me around, became a regular at my house and even told my mom he was my husband! I had a boyfriend at the time and I asked this boy, “do you want me to hurt the person I’m with just because you are so convinced?

He replied “you’ll have to know how you’ll do it” haha funny. When this boy won’t stop and when half of the church already thought something was going down, I finally asked him “by the way, how did God tell you this?

I got the most surprising answer that I’ve ever had, not because it was strange but because I never thought it would happen to me. He answered “I saw you fetching water from a well for me in my dream

Oin? Oin? HUH? WHAT?” I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask “dude, don’t you think that’s a bit overused and old?” I rolled my eyes in disgust and added “let this be the last time you’ll follow me with your unsure proposal. Go and meet the other sisters who are likely to welcome it with gladness of heart and warm embrace! Well ko Ocean ni!!

Jeez! The boy couldn’t even see me helping him run water in a bath! At this age! Well, didn’t take me so long to get rid of the brother after then. All I had to do was put in a little effort and turn on the nasty side of me which nobody ever survives. My brothers still tease me about it but then I got rid of an unsure man with ridiculous dreams!

NB: the brother hooked up with another sister not too long after that. I bet I wasn’t the only one who helped him with water in that dream!

Coco

Coco

I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco

12 comments

  1. HILARIOUS,seriously tomilola can’t stop laughing.same thing happened to me but twas from the son of the guy that made blocks for our house,.i didn’it know what to tell him just started ignoring him..

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