No BS: THE RELATIONSHIP FROM HELL

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Disclaimer: I am not an expert on this topic and this article is NOT dedicated to anyone in particular. If you observe any resemblance to actual people in your life, kindly forward the link to them and ask them to leave a comment afterwards.

It’s either, am pregnant or someone is pregnant is for me because I have been craving some really odd meals at very odd times of the day.  Like craving Pounded yam and Onugbu soup by 8:00am and then craving Beans & Garri by 8:12am.  I don’t know what the problem is but I plan to figure it out.

Talking about craving, I’ve heard pregnant women crave/like the oddest things. I once heard about a certain woman whom during pregnancy discovered that she liked the smell of the toilet. So, most of the time; she will sit in the toilet to inhale her favourite smell of all times. Dear God, please let my wife’s pregnant craving be the hatred money.

Last night’s craving was Surulere’s Akara, fried yam and plantain. I called a cab and headed off to Surulere.

I was jejely buying my Akara when the couple came. He wanted Akara and Yam but she wanted only plantain. He suggested that they buy few slices of yam and more plantain but she said, they should just get plantain and go. After few minutes of English speaking and a little Yoruba, they ended up buying N150.000 plantain. He sacrificed his yam for her plantain and she wouldn’t even let him buy a piece for himself.

The event got me thinking about relationships and how much we are willing to give/do to make IT work.

I’ve been in all sorts of relationships and have also witnessed different ones. Some good, some wonderful and some made in hell.

Recently, I heard about a relationship of 2 years that currently ended and the dude is planning a thanksgiving. He stays in Lagos while she lives in Abuja. During their 2 years relationship, she only slept in his house 3 times because she said she was not comfortable with the fact that he was staying in a single room, self contained.

He would buy her flight ticket from Abuja to Lagos and back, pay for hotel accommodation, Red cab and food. She was not really into the TFC/KFC things; she only loved food associated with countries such as Thailand, China et al.

On his visits to Abuja, he would also pay for a hotel because she stays with her parents.

She never PUSHED for them to use her hotel/flight/Red cab/feeding money to get a bigger apartment for him yet she was just not comfortable staying there.

The dude said he never believed that someone as pretty as her would ever date him so he was eager to do everything to satisfy her needs but I believe they were using his brain as Ludo board in China because that should be the only explanation.

There are tale signs of a Relationship from Hell.

A relationship from hell will have you thinking that you always need to make an effort to please your partner. You will always make an excuse for your partner. If he fails to show up, you will say ‘Maybe his car broke down’.  You are constantly NEVER relaxed because you do not want to do anything out of place.

How do you explain a relationship where you are constantly taking her and her roommates out every time you invite her out?

There are relationships that will force the man to keep borrowing to maintain the lifestyle of their partners. She wants to go on vacation 6 times in one year and her only contribution is “her availability”. Mbanu!!!

Some ladies behave like they are using their head as “wash hand bowl ” in restaurants in Enugu. They are so eager to marry that they are “trying” to make it work with the dude that only leaves the house 5:30pm everyday to play football and can tell you everything showing on E.

We all know when we are in an unhealthy relationship and in case you don’t know, if you are currently trying too hard to make it work, then you are probably in one.

I’m not saying you should not assist, satisfy or provide for your partner, do this only because you can afford to and not necessarily as a means to be accepted in a relationship.

I don’t know about you but I think life is too short to be eating only Plantain.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

27 comments

  1. Nuff said ….. The worst part is if you are receiving beating plus the “plantain only” diet….people should realise that they have a right to be happy and no one is doing them a favour by dating them….build up ur self esteem…dating a fine or rich boy/girl is not a rare priviledge….nice one nobs

  2. ” I believe they were using his brain as Ludo board in China because that should be the only explanation!. Looool, U can’t fault him naa, he believed she was to fine for hi, and when U av dat notion U make urself second to ur partner and an automatic slave! Nyc write up

  3. Romblmfbbao !!!! Asin WT… Buhahahahahaha
    The part that really got me rolling “using his brain to play ludo in china” like really Noble ??? Choi ! U have really taken this issue personal wiv a capital “P”. But really, we shld all knw whn a relationship isn’t meant 4 us n move on. But u can like 2 stay if u’r the 1 benefiting frm it all and wait 4 karma 4 punish una life well well later on.

  4. You couldn’t have said this any better.Your hilarity punched me right between the eyes.My best part was the guy heading to church for a post break up thanksgiving.So sad!Goes to show how very small things are usually hinged upon by a party and then used to dictate what a relationship should be.P.S Please keep us updated on the cause of your craving.lol!Nice piece.Thanks,Noble.

  5. Life is really too short to be eating only plantain. Let’s not forget those that have become punching bags all because of love.

  6. A lot of peeps need to read this, the blame is with everyone, ladies and guys, some people always have the need to impress others with their well to do status and throwing money at any thing.

    Some people see it as sacrifice, i mean the plantain and yam scene……definitely not me.

    Bros, this isn’t substitute for Memoirs o…looool we’re still expecting….

    Nice post (Y)

  7. This is amazing insight. I hear rships are hard but they really are not that hard if both of u want it to work. I mean just one piece of yam, wats wrong with that woman.
    As 4 d guy dat knows all d happenings on E, lol, guy ha fa na, whr did u hang ur balls.

  8. .people should realise that they have a right to be happy and no one is doing them a favour by dating them….build up ur self esteem…dating a fine or rich boy/girl is not a rare priviledge…..used to be like this but I stop giving a damn and realized the whole relationship was a facade, it ended the day I stopped all the giving and sacrifice.

  9. I love dis. I have a friend who believes there has to be sacrifice in a relationship to make it worthy. I feel that way too but it should be both sides and nothing to the point of stupidity. If it were me, I would buy the yam and plantain in almost equal proportions. If a lady longs for the finer things in life, she should work at it herself.

  10. Loooool nobs. .after my suggestion I’m happy u wrote about this one. .lool nice
    Washing head at restaurant in enugu
    Looool why do I have this feeling u are subbing golden toast? Lool

  11. i really felt 4 d guy whose ex wld not spend d times of her visit in his self contained flat. Dat guy must av being a real mugu mentor where dt witch been dey! Kai e dey pain!!

  12. Good one Nobs…u should write more on relationships,cos Lots of Girls are so greedy,they demand for things that even their fathers can’t afford…nd if u check, girls that make all these demands dnt even have a job,they hv no idea of what is called HARD EARNED MONEY…there r GREEDY GUYS too,u ddnt mention that!Guys dat also make outragious demands.

  13. This is a reminder, we all need whether our relationships are from hell or heaven.
    Nobs how far with memoirs? Should we say goodbye already? 🙁
    And please i can help edit your write ups for you before you post them…just send them to my email, so many typos yo! 🙂

  14. Lol @… life is too short to be eating only Plantain. wow Nobs u r killing me here.
    I like how u add some Igbo expressions in your write up… it makes it sound so real. Amazing I must say but still work on editing to prevent lots of typos. Anyways u r a real bad boy, I don’t know if this is fiction or a memoir for real. Now when I see at ur pic on bella naija all I can imagine is…..lol By the way I go on bellanaija everyday and I always see your pic at every event and for the longest time I used to be like who is this random dude so I decided to google u up and I found your blog.

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