FRANQUE’S AIRtiquette: Mile Hi

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There is a club, much fabled and discussed in whispers among pilots, attendants and some passengers. It is shrouded, not in mystery, but exclusivity. Membership is only for the most daring of people.

#Half Nelson
Once in 2006, I had a passenger on board my flight to Johannesburg, South Africa.  It was not a particularly full flight so he had the option to change seats and, since he had boarded last, he chose the last row of seats.

Back then I was a more active ABP hunter (link to ABP Hunter) and I had moved this girl I had met on a previous flight to the last row of seats so she would be near me.  So it was, that they both shared the last three seats between them.

After the meal service on night flights, the interior lights are usually turned low to allow passengers catch some sleep if they wished. This, incidentally, was the time when I usually took advantage of an ABP situation to explore/exploit the rapport that would have been built from before to see where it led.

I walked into the cabin with the intention of inviting her to the galley for a few drinks and some chat but found her head nestled on the thighs of this friend of mine.

I took one look and backed away slowly.

From the positioning of her head – facing down – and the way it bobbed up and down slowly under the blanket that was thrown over his mid-section, I worked out she was not exactly just resting her head there for comfort. His head was thrown back against the headrest of his reclined seat, and his eyes were closed as if in sleep. The half smile and sudden twitching of his features, however, told a different story.

When, a few minutes later, he went into the lavatory, I waited to corner him on his way out.  It was then that he confirmed to me, not if he just had head, but how good it was.

“Best I ever had, but not quite like the real thing.”

#Quit while you are ahead
Another time on a flight to the UK, after the cabin lights had been turned down, a male and female passenger got really frisky.

They were under covers true, but the goings on under the blanket left little to the imagination.

They smooched, they kissed; they fondled, they straddled; they grunted, they panted and when they were done, looking dishevelled and flushed, they slept in each other’s embrace.  Just like two regular rabbits they were.

This was not shocking by itself, what shocked me beyond words was the knowledge that they had boarded the aircraft total strangers.  The man had changed seats to be next to the lady.  My colleagues thought I was making this up until they woke up and the lady looked at the man. She looked at him really hard, shook her head as if to clear cobwebs and then moved away from him, keeping a seat between them.

He woke up and smiling, reached out for her. She stopped his hand midair and returned it to him. He had taken off the glasses he was wearing, and I think she only then just noticed he had a glass eye that bulged out of the socket and couldn’t be completely covered by his lid.  I think it was the eye because she would look at his face and quickly look away while pressing herself against the body of the aircraft as it to say “Someone please take me away from here”.

We landed in Gatwick and, during our security checks after passengers had disembarked, found two bags forgotten on board by a passenger – my man Frisky!

#iAm Legend
Rumour has it that one of my colleagues made it into the Hall of Fame. That on a flight out of Lagos to London, he had met and befriended this passenger; that they had spent a considerable part of the flight chatting; that at one point he had disappeared, but nobody really thought much about it as the crew behind thought he was in business class helping out; and that he had eventually come out of a lavatory wearing a smug look and a goofy grin.  It is rumoured that after ascertaining that the coast was clear, he had stepped aside to let someone pass, and it was the lady! It is also rumoured that he had shown someone or some people a used condom, though some versions say it was just a torn condom wrapper.

What I do know for a fact is that we had met at the airport on the morning he landed – I was leaving London – and he had told me he had sex with a crazy chic on board in the lavatory. He also told me I could confirm from certain crew members who were on the flight if I doubted his claims.

I didn’t ask, I didn’t need to; I knew him and I knew what he was capable of, but more than that, my colleagues couldn’t keep it to themselves, they told all freely.

It may all sound far-fetched to some, and I probably would have been part of the number if I hadn’t had the ‘privilege’ of witnessing some of these things first hand.

I think there is something about cold, dark confined spaces that sort of power down our inhibitions and power up our inner freaks. Or how else can I explain finding articles of intimate clothing in seat pockets after some of these flights? A thong here, a bra there, a pack of condoms with one or two missing and, one time, a tied up used condom wrapped in an air sickness bag…

PS: I know some people who have partaken of some daring-dos: on a bus travelling from East to West or North to South, in a Cinema with children and other movie goers around, on bonnets of cars parked on dark street, in cars parked in shaded corners, on the open fields at night during NYSC, empty lecture theatres jerking all night when they should have been jacking all night.

There is a club, much fabled and discussed in whispers among pilots, flight attendants and some passengers. It reeks of exclusivity. Membership is only for the most daring of people. The dare is not in doing the McNasty in public, it is in doing it in public while flying so high above the ground.

This club is called the Mile High Club, and if I belonged, I would wear my membership badge proudly.

Franque

Franque

"Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn't. Scratch that. He didn't.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn't in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!" Follow @franque_521 on twitter.

34 comments

  1. I just had to comment on this .
    This is my ultimate fantasy and have started making plans to achieve this before I die. I even have a t shirt that says I am a proud member of the mile high club… And when I do it will flaunt it boldly. Franque, why can’t it be on ur  ? Be careful oh

  2. O wow didn’t know nigerians had such active members of this exclusive club!! N lmao at bus trips from the east n cinema!! Ur just crazy!!

  3. Loooollll!!!! Nice one Franque, at first, I. Wanted to belong to this club, not so sure anymore… While I may be daring sometimes, I don’t think my ‘liver’ is that big…
    If I ever meet ur friend ‘I am Legend’ whether in the air or not, I wish I could just see the big X on his head… Y kiss and tell? I’ll admit the Mile High club surely entitles u to some bragging rights, but to the extent of showing condoms or their wrappers?? I’m not so sure…
    All that aside, you got me smiling this am 🙂

  4. Some pple have mind o… With a total stranger? I kent. Lololololol…Y don’t I feel sorry 4 the chic wif Mr. Frisky??? Laffs for days mehn!! D concept of “pie in the sky” does sound interesting tho.

  5. LMAO… Mile High Club it is! I had gone on a tour in one of A380’s. The tour manager told us that the bathroom only became popular after the installed a sign that said “Max. Occupancy in the shower is “…..uhmm…needless to say it serves other purposes for two too.

  6. So family, the countdown’s on. 8 days to my birthday. No, this is not canvassin for present(s) #SwearDown, just me sayin iHav a present for all of y’all. It’s gift wrapped too. Just hope y’all will get as much pleasure from receivin it as iWill get from givin it. Now to today’s post:
    @ ibetapassmynebor, Jazz n Kay: iSee it’s a 3-way tie for 1st place;
    @ Diva: iWouldn’t even hav any idea what u r talkin about;
    @ Moore: there, there. Just let urself catch ur breath;
    @ Olalekt: When u do earn ur stripes, iWill show u my wings;
    @ Bumble Bee: What would Optimus think of it tho?
    @ Lorlah: Thanx. iSee u. Got a friend hu’d lyk to introduce u…
    @ Stranger: if after 5yrs u still act brand new @ my craziness, u need help. iSee iSmoked u out;
    @ Mike: Don’t want y’all scared of flyin cos some would think ‘turbulence’ is caused by the ridin in the cockpit;
    @ Kay: Contortionists r us;
    @ Nengie: Glad iDid. As for kissin n tellin, some people can’t help themselves;
    @ Miss Parker: iBelieve u.
    @ Everyone_else: iSee u readin sendin out BCs n RTs, iAppreciate it.

  7. LOL! I have heard of this club, I also heard that having sexual relations miles up in the air, absolves you from any cheating accusation.

    Nice.

  8. Franque…how won’t u know what am talking about?? *wink*

    Is this membership limited to only escapades up in mid air or also on ground? If so, then I guess i am a member..be there,done that!!

  9. I agree with nena, I find it hard to believe you aren’t part of the club either :P. Fantastic read! Was wondering when you would discuss this topic.. As for the crazy strangers tho.. Tsk.
    Anyway, send me ur pin at loladerhyme2002@yahoo.com. Sorry but I’m not up for putting my pin on here. Looking forward to ur bday!!

  10. *clears imaginary cobwebs in my throat*
    Bin awhile since I spoke here…
    Franque Franque! I don’t have much to say- nothing has changed. U still remain a blog hero to me!

  11. Wow!!!! ermmmmm Franque are u sure u no be member?? But ehn, i don’t know about this High mile thingy sha. Anywhoos i can imagine how fun it will be sha *Adjusts Halo*

    Yayyyyyyyyy to ur b’day :D. i know u are not canvassing for gifts but what would u like to get u? 😀

  12. Franque, leave women alone and just get married to words already!

    …They smooched, they kissed; they fondled, they straddled; they grunted, they panted and when they were done, looking dishevelled and flushed, they slept in each other’s embrace. Just like two regular rabbits they were…..
    … empty lecture theatres jerking all night when they should have been jacking all night….

    I also enjoyed the opening and closing paragraphs!

    For me, much more than the story you write, I look forward to the style you employ while delivering it.

  13. @ MaBijo: it’s sentiments like this that makes it even easier. #NuffSed;
    @ nena: What can iSay?
    @ Chinny: Unless ur partner’s a bird, how can u cheat on them in the air?
    @ Mateelly: It’s called a rude AWAKEning;
    @ Cakunne: Glad iWas able to do right by u;
    @ DIVA: it’s ‘Mile High’. If it’s not in the air, it don’t count;
    @ T.L. Bridges: *sigh* iWill holler @ u 2moro;
    @ HRS_Cindy: if ever u r on my flyt, give me a holler n iWill see what can be arranged;
    @ Village Maiden: Yes! She’s back!!! Missed u here pieces!
    @ Mercy: pls have mercy. As for what iWould lyk, dunno;
    @ t: iWould if iCould, it’s just that sometyms words don’t hug u ryt back;
    @ M.E.: U can’t geddit. U r too ‘pure of heart’ to understand these things, and iLove u for that.

  14. Oh Franque! Wow ,this actually got me thinking. So these things actually happen? I thought they exist only in fantasies. Well,let the count down to your big day continue. You are a legend too.

  15. mile hi… will very much like to be a member mehn… taking the fun to the sky will be real fun… thanks franque.. thank you…

  16. franque, i recently started keepin up with ur articles and i swear i love u already. this is nice. reaaaaaallllly nice. interesting read……….

  17. Before I became serious abt Christianity that was definitely on my bucket list! All those romance novels I read, I really wanted to be a member. Now, nope, but your recountings bring back memories of how I used to be. I can’t believe the Quit while you are ahead, did he use jazz for her, or was she blind??? Lool, what stories!

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