EDUCATED LADY, SINGLE AND HUNTING.

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Many single women all over the world fret over the when and how scenario of meeting their handsome Prince. Will it be the old boyfriend from her college days? The handsome work colleague that works 3 floors up, that she always seems to find herself walking past every Monday morning? Or, will it her best friends older brother who finally realises she is not the 16 year old girl he used to drop home from Sunday service?

Well, dear single lady despite new cultural reflections to demonise ones desire for marriage, I want to celebrate your desire and I want you to learn to do it also. Having a desire for marriage is an honourable vision, one that you shouldn’t allow anyone to judge you on. However one thing I want you to learn is how to wait wisely during your season of singleness rather than accepting second best.

The reality is Yes, you are single for today and regardless of all the magazine or books you read you do not have the power to decide when you will meet that amazing man.  So my dear, rather than allowing your precious years fade away by focusing on acquiring every degree and Masters going. I urge you to consciously work on your character.

With many more women acquiring degrees, what makes you stand out from the rest?

Though education is honourable, hiding behind your education as your identity does not stand the test of time. Just as a man driving a Range Rover is not a prerequisite for you choosing him as a husband, attaining a 1st class degree in Finance does not validate your position for a man looking for a wife, it only contributes.

So what do we do whilst waiting? Please notice I referred to it as waiting. All this searching and hunting a man down is not God’s purpose for our life as women. Why don’t you allow him to seek you out. Your worth surely pertains to that? While you’re at it put a smile on and be friendly. Waiting is not defined as forming! Leave that to Kanye West!

Allow me to share with you 4 principles that I share with my friends regarding what to do whilst waiting.

1. I know women love to read about fashion and new trends, but please kindly put down that magazine, blog, twitter for one second and fix your eyes on something more edifying. 
When I was on holiday last year, I caught up with some of my cousins. They were all sold on the faith that God will bring them a man who was rich. Rather than bursting their bubble.  I rephrased my question,  so once he brings you the rich man with the enormous bank account how will you help manage it besides the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother? What if you have chosen to be a career woman with all these additional responsibilities, how do you ensure you keep your family in top form? If all this is important to you then why not start learning new skills now whilst still single which will allow you keep your home.  Skills that could help manage your home as a business empire. Have you ever thought of it like that?  You could enrol in a business course, catering, Internet marketing even learn about trading shares. Whatever you do, just edify yourself and acquire a useful skill that would help you in running your future appointed most personal and private office.

2. My dear sister, seriously, you need to stop buying those shoes and bags and pay off your Debts! Inasmuch as certain debts are understandable e.g government student loans, however credit cards, overdrafts, money you borrowed from Aunty Lola or brother Wale and store cards you have used in shopping for a new dress to attend your friends cousins, best friend sister in-law‘s wedding (I know you’re secretly hoping that is where you will find your husband) or buying a fancy gadget you don’t really need. You need to STOP. There are other important things which can be bought with your hard earned saved money e.g a Car, so you can stop wearing those expensive Louboutins and carrying that Gucci/LV bag, then getting on a public transport or trying to survive the harshest weather elements in your designer get up.

This is no good look for a wanabewifey. You need to sit down and sort out those hanging debts. Set up workable payment plans.  Ensure you are paying over the minimum amount a month to clear your balance.  We want to be helpers to our future husbands and knowing how to manage ‘the money’ he works hard to bring into the home goes a long way. Being a potential liability is not a trend you want to follow dear.

3. You say you want to be an amazing mother to three children, I applaud you. That is a noble statement to make. Now, we all know it is only by God’s grace that anyone can raise respectable children.  I’d like to ask a few questions – Have you ever TRIED to baby sit a child? Do you know the kind of mother you would like to be? A working mum? A business owner mum? A stay at home mum? Do you want a nanny to look after your brood irrespective of the type of mum you become? Is the guy that has been texting you everyday for the past two weeks the right kind of man you want to father your children?

As much as child birth can’t be learnt, we can use our time as single ladies to learn what it takes to be a mother. Why not schedule in your diary, just once a month a day in your weekend where you spend quality time with a dear friend and her children or even your nieces and nephews. It doesn’t need to cost any money. Just chill with them for a Saturday and learn what it is like to manage children.

4. Yes, your Friday nights can be rather boring but STOP! I repeat STOP, writing down a 10 page list of how you want this future husband to be like and start writing a list of the kind of Wife you want to be like. I was speaking to a friend of mine recently and I told her you can be quite nagging and miserable sometimes, do you think your husband will cope with this?  She replied “Well, he will love me for all that I am”. Someone please hold me back before I just throw some water over this lady. Like seriously, who tells us these lies. Yes, as loving men they will be forgiving, but the men you are to marry are not immortal. They are human beings just like us. My beautiful queen you need to start examining that character trait now and start dealing with it. 28 years worth of habits does not disappear as soon as the Pastor announces “You may now kiss the bride”.  Some of us ladies are very selfish, annoying, nagging, rude, stingy, and boring. We want a funny man, yet we walk around with a straight face. Please wake up! This is not MTV land. You have a lot of traits that need to be worked on. Start now. Stop waiting for this prince charming to make you better. If you are wondering how do I know what my bad characteristics are? Call your best friend that you spend hours on the phone to. She will surely be able to advice.  Love is not a song you hear and get all soppy and emotional. Love is about service. The giving of yourself first, rather than waiting for someone else to serve you.

Meanwhile, as the weekend approaches, you may already have your eyes set on that dress you’ll be wearing to that wedding, all in the aim of  finding yourself that special man. You have picked the dress that is so tight it shows every curve and bump and leaves nothing to the imagination.  Elegance is not really your forte anymore. You have convinced yourself that your beauty is based on your exterior. Sadly nobody told you otherwise, but let me enlighten you like I tell my friends, the way you look may get his attention but it is your character that will keep a good man. No matter how long it takes for him to find you.

So my beautiful single women I hope the advice helps you to slowly understand and accept the importance of investing in more important things. As aesthetics all fade away. Don’t let your vision while you are single only extend to what outfit you are going to buy when you receive next months pay cheque or that wad of cash.

Love

Miss Biosu

x

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19 comments

  1. Ts Hard to believe a lady wrote this…… Cos I’m sure 95% of randomly selected single ladies ‘ll disagree with some if not most of the things written here. The truth is truly bitter. Character becomes the only thing that can keep “that” good man and ensure a beautiful home eventually. Ńicє work Ms Biosu

  2. This is straight up the dumbest blog I’ve read in a while! Very demeaning to women! The writer suggests that the whole purpose of a womens existense is to find a husband and nothing else, hello are we in 2011 or did some once just take us back to the middle ages! This is very sad!

  3. As a married woman I’ll tell u that half of this is rubbish and I strongly believe d blogger is mostly not married! One of the reasons I stood out to my husband whom is an established international banker is that I was able to measure up to him academically as a masters degree holder in finance at the time I met him he was a world traveller who didn’t need a woman who just wanted to sit home n become a house wife, he needed a woman who had her own solid career one that could give him a challenge! There rvtoo many “dumb blondes out there! Beauties without brains and that is a far worse category to fall under believe me, Okonjo Iwela, hilary clinton, Christine Largarde(head of imf) Michelle Obama just to name a few r women who took their career seriously and went beyond just a bachelors they r also all married! Ladies be all u can be, put ur self first and strive to achieve the highest, other things will just fall into to place! Michelle Obama was Obamas boss when he first started working for her firm, you know d rest of the story!

  4. i must disagree with “Blunt”, even if u disagree with the writter’s take on this issue, that doesn’t mean u should go all out to disregard the points she made. @Blunt, it is not demeaning or dumb- maybe a little unrealistic, but u cannot honestly disagree with the fact that character helps u keep a man. That’s a fact! No matter how learned or self sufficient and established u are, u may end up living “the life”, with cats or adopted kids to share it with.
    @all, u don’t have to be married to know what I’m saying is true.

  5. I must give this Miss Biosu a round of applause. I am rather surprised a women would write such words, not many want to hear this kind o. @ Married I dont thinkyou have read the talk this babe is trying to give. Its women liek you that give men a bad name. If you were to say your husband marrie dyou because your father is rich. I go believe you. In fact I day handshake you self. But if you have convinced yourself that your husband married you because as you said you were able to measure up to him academically as a masters degree holder in finance, that is a load of rubbish O. That could contribute to 10% of the reason why he marrie dyou. The rest was probably because of your character as this babe tried to suggest. Men are not foolish, we may act wayward and sleep around but we know the real things to look for when choosing Iyawo.

  6. blunt and married, I think you both should take things easy. I think there are lots of misconceptions on parts.

    Blunt, she specifically directed the article @ the single ladies who desired to be married, not those who do not. And she did emphasize on how they are supposed to develop themselves, didn’t she?

    Married, “Though education is honourable, hiding behind your education as your identity does not stand the test of time. Just as a man driving a Range Rover is not a prerequisite for you choosing him as a husband, attaining a 1st class degree in Finance does not validate your position for a man looking for a wife, it only contributes.” pretty much captures everything you said that has made you angry. That you could challenge him career-wise doesn’t imply that he shut his eyes to your other wonderful characteristics or that they weren’t a part of his decision-making to ask for your hand in marriage.

    Miss Biosu, I particularly agree with #3.

  7. @ HoneyDame: I loved your comments to Blunt and Married. I think this post is very apt and addresses women especially those of us waiting for a partner. There are other things we can be doing while we wait. It is fine to excel academically but it is more important to build our character.Character makes a man/woman. Hilary C, Michelle O must have more than their educational or career achievements under their belts, they have more; Good character. We should give the men some credit, no man is going to marry a woman just because she read more cos after all all is said and done, it is what is inside that makes the woman, that really counts. I totally agree with all your points Miss Biosu. Good job

  8. Miss Biosu,this is a nice piece! You are very on point.
    @Blunt, I am sure you misinterpreted the message being passed across in this article, there is only so much your degree or professional background can do in a marriage, I am married and I have a home that is built of God to last. I work with one of the big four firms, guess what, my wealth of knowledge hasn’t taught me how to submit to my hubby and raise my lovely twin girls!
    There is so much a nanny or a maid can do. The bible says “love covers a multitude of sins” and it never fails. Love here is an action, it is an ingredient in marriage dat teaches u to prefer ur hubby above ur self, say sorry when it is hard and so on instead of nagging.
    Ladies should get back to their closets and reassess themselves and know where they truly stand in character.
    A word is enough for the wise.

  9. I sincerely love this piece!
    A beautiful character is key…
    Anyone readng this should read to understand.
    It’s written in English! Stop attacking the fine lady that has written this….
    Ms. Biosu, you couldn’t have written it any better.
    Thank you for sharing….
    God bless you…

  10. The article is on point. All the single ladies, this is an antidote to your quest, it is as if the writer is priviledged to see the heart of every right thinking man, beauty and other material things are only but illusions, it is only character that stands the test of time.

  11. “…the way you look may get his attention but it is your character that will keep a good man.” Best words I’ve heard in a while. Nice work. Can we get some some on the male side?

  12. I don’t know what made me stop by this here blog but am so glad I did. Worth evry time spent and for those finding the English language difficult to understand, u do not have to let us know this fact. Hide yourself. Wonderful wonderful (y)

  13. I was blown away by this article, very luvly piece, I have to get a lot of my confused female friends to read dis. Pls can we get something like a male version of this articlem It would help a lot of us single guys

  14. Ms Biosu, I truly love your piece and agree 100% with everything you have written. I also see a lot of live examples of what you have been talking about i.e ‘Just as a man driving a Range Rover is not a prerequisite for you choosing him as a husband, attaining a 1st class degree in Finance does not validate your position for a man looking for a wife, it only contributes’. I have some friends who feel because they have attained a certain position in life and extra qualifications that they do not need to make any effort on their characters and then wonder why they are still single.

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