Many single women all over the world fret over the when and how scenario of meeting their handsome Prince. Will it be the old boyfriend from her college days? The handsome work colleague that works 3 floors up, that she always seems to find herself walking past every Monday morning? Or, will it her best friends older brother who finally realises she is not the 16 year old girl he used to drop home from Sunday service?
Well, dear single lady despite new cultural reflections to demonise ones desire for marriage, I want to celebrate your desire and I want you to learn to do it also. Having a desire for marriage is an honourable vision, one that you shouldn’t allow anyone to judge you on. However one thing I want you to learn is how to wait wisely during your season of singleness rather than accepting second best.
The reality is Yes, you are single for today and regardless of all the magazine or books you read you do not have the power to decide when you will meet that amazing man. So my dear, rather than allowing your precious years fade away by focusing on acquiring every degree and Masters going. I urge you to consciously work on your character.
With many more women acquiring degrees, what makes you stand out from the rest?
Though education is honourable, hiding behind your education as your identity does not stand the test of time. Just as a man driving a Range Rover is not a prerequisite for you choosing him as a husband, attaining a 1st class degree in Finance does not validate your position for a man looking for a wife, it only contributes.
So what do we do whilst waiting? Please notice I referred to it as waiting. All this searching and hunting a man down is not God’s purpose for our life as women. Why don’t you allow him to seek you out. Your worth surely pertains to that? While you’re at it put a smile on and be friendly. Waiting is not defined as forming! Leave that to Kanye West!
Allow me to share with you 4 principles that I share with my friends regarding what to do whilst waiting.
1. I know women love to read about fashion and new trends, but please kindly put down that magazine, blog, twitter for one second and fix your eyes on something more edifying.
When I was on holiday last year, I caught up with some of my cousins. They were all sold on the faith that God will bring them a man who was rich. Rather than bursting their bubble. I rephrased my question, so once he brings you the rich man with the enormous bank account how will you help manage it besides the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother? What if you have chosen to be a career woman with all these additional responsibilities, how do you ensure you keep your family in top form? If all this is important to you then why not start learning new skills now whilst still single which will allow you keep your home. Skills that could help manage your home as a business empire. Have you ever thought of it like that? You could enrol in a business course, catering, Internet marketing even learn about trading shares. Whatever you do, just edify yourself and acquire a useful skill that would help you in running your future appointed most personal and private office.
2. My dear sister, seriously, you need to stop buying those shoes and bags and pay off your Debts! Inasmuch as certain debts are understandable e.g government student loans, however credit cards, overdrafts, money you borrowed from Aunty Lola or brother Wale and store cards you have used in shopping for a new dress to attend your friends cousins, best friend sister in-law‘s wedding (I know you’re secretly hoping that is where you will find your husband) or buying a fancy gadget you don’t really need. You need to STOP. There are other important things which can be bought with your hard earned saved money e.g a Car, so you can stop wearing those expensive Louboutins and carrying that Gucci/LV bag, then getting on a public transport or trying to survive the harshest weather elements in your designer get up.
This is no good look for a wanabewifey. You need to sit down and sort out those hanging debts. Set up workable payment plans. Ensure you are paying over the minimum amount a month to clear your balance. We want to be helpers to our future husbands and knowing how to manage ‘the money’ he works hard to bring into the home goes a long way. Being a potential liability is not a trend you want to follow dear.
3. You say you want to be an amazing mother to three children, I applaud you. That is a noble statement to make. Now, we all know it is only by God’s grace that anyone can raise respectable children. I’d like to ask a few questions – Have you ever TRIED to baby sit a child? Do you know the kind of mother you would like to be? A working mum? A business owner mum? A stay at home mum? Do you want a nanny to look after your brood irrespective of the type of mum you become? Is the guy that has been texting you everyday for the past two weeks the right kind of man you want to father your children?
As much as child birth can’t be learnt, we can use our time as single ladies to learn what it takes to be a mother. Why not schedule in your diary, just once a month a day in your weekend where you spend quality time with a dear friend and her children or even your nieces and nephews. It doesn’t need to cost any money. Just chill with them for a Saturday and learn what it is like to manage children.
4. Yes, your Friday nights can be rather boring but STOP! I repeat STOP, writing down a 10 page list of how you want this future husband to be like and start writing a list of the kind of Wife you want to be like. I was speaking to a friend of mine recently and I told her you can be quite nagging and miserable sometimes, do you think your husband will cope with this? She replied “Well, he will love me for all that I am”. Someone please hold me back before I just throw some water over this lady. Like seriously, who tells us these lies. Yes, as loving men they will be forgiving, but the men you are to marry are not immortal. They are human beings just like us. My beautiful queen you need to start examining that character trait now and start dealing with it. 28 years worth of habits does not disappear as soon as the Pastor announces “You may now kiss the bride”. Some of us ladies are very selfish, annoying, nagging, rude, stingy, and boring. We want a funny man, yet we walk around with a straight face. Please wake up! This is not MTV land. You have a lot of traits that need to be worked on. Start now. Stop waiting for this prince charming to make you better. If you are wondering how do I know what my bad characteristics are? Call your best friend that you spend hours on the phone to. She will surely be able to advice. Love is not a song you hear and get all soppy and emotional. Love is about service. The giving of yourself first, rather than waiting for someone else to serve you.
Meanwhile, as the weekend approaches, you may already have your eyes set on that dress you’ll be wearing to that wedding, all in the aim of finding yourself that special man. You have picked the dress that is so tight it shows every curve and bump and leaves nothing to the imagination. Elegance is not really your forte anymore. You have convinced yourself that your beauty is based on your exterior. Sadly nobody told you otherwise, but let me enlighten you like I tell my friends, the way you look may get his attention but it is your character that will keep a good man. No matter how long it takes for him to find you.
So my beautiful single women I hope the advice helps you to slowly understand and accept the importance of investing in more important things. As aesthetics all fade away. Don’t let your vision while you are single only extend to what outfit you are going to buy when you receive next months pay cheque or that wad of cash.