Coco’s Chronicles: The Excuses That Don’t Count

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Forgive me, I have tried in my head to find a more suitable topic for this article and no extraordinary title came to me, up until the time I had to submit this article. So I’ll say this, read and give yourself the title you deem fit.

I have heard from boys of all ages that girls give the most ridiculous excuses for leaving a relationship or acting the way they do. Most males have concluded that girls are the most complicated and the pettiest beings on earth. But here I am ready to refute that claim. In fact, I’ll say boldly that boys/men/guys/whatever name it is for the human with a dick and a control freak is; give the most ridiculous reasons ever.

Recently, my girl – Giselle and her boyfriend broke up. She had a hard time after the break up and she almost lost it. What made it worse for her was the fact that she couldn’t place her hands on why Mr Boyfriend had left her heart broken/shattered/scattered.

After a week of mourning, she decided it was time to stop thinking about Mr BF (now ex bf) and move on (yeah! Move on. One week isn’t too short to mourn a male!). She called him one afternoon and asked for them to see; then she asked him the question that had been bothering her for a while. A question that bothered her more than the break – Why did he break up? Their conversation went thus:

Giselle: I’m not asking U to come back. I just am curious on why you left in the first place
Ex BF: Because you were blowing kisses to strangers on the internet
Giselle: WHAT???
Ex BF: You heard me! You were blowing kisses to other boys on twitter and other social networking sites!

Well yeah, you are allowed to pause, laugh your ass out and get ready for the next dumb excuse…

Reanne and Bolade dated first semester of our fourth year. He was a sweet boyfriend until he gave the dumbest excuse in the world. Bolade had so many female friends and he liked being around them. The problem wasn’t Bolade going out of his way to see his female friends; the problem was he usually drove past Reanne’s hostel, go see his friends and never stopped by to say hi to Reanne.

When she asked him he said and I quote “I always forget your hostel is there when I pass“. Reanne asked “you forget I exist?” “No. I just always forget your hostel is there when I pass

Did I hear you scream WTF??? Yeah, I did scream that when I heard too. You ready for Trish‘s story?

Trish had known this particular male for a while and he’d made advances she’d politely rejected. Then one day, they were at his place ready to go out when he literally pounced on her and tried getting some. Trish fought tooth and nail and miraculously made it out of his apartment unhurt (some boys are just lions). Later, he called to apologize.

Trish: You overdid it! What was that?
Mr Lion: well we men have extra hormones; we just can’t control how it works
Trish: and that’s why you tried raping me?
Mr Lion: well, yes! You women would never understand!!!

If you ask me, that one should be in an asylum.

Enitan‘s story goes thus, she’d met this guy at a hangout, they clicked right there and then and he started asking her out. She hadn’t even said yes/no when he saw her friend and started chasing her too. He completely stopped talking to her and didn’t even call to wish her a happy birthday. When Enitan asked for the reason behind this act he said and I quote “I did it so as not to hurt your emotions” well, don’t ask me what that means. Only that man knows.

Here’s mine, I liked this boy very much at a time, he was sweet and fun and everything I wanted. Then he claimed to really like me and would do anything to be with me. Days passed, weeks, months, he still wasn’t making a move to actually be with me. When I asked him what was slowing him down he said “I like you too much to date you

Now readers, with these few points of mine in my article, I hope I have been able to convince you that Men give the silliest/lamest excuses ever!



I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco


  1. Guess I’m the first to comment 🙂 .never knew u were a lady- figured “coco” was a dude- Ńicє article, reminds me of alot … (Y)

  2. “i like you too much to date you” can actually make sense. if the guy knows he’s going to mistreat you, then maybe he was just trying to spare you heartache later.

    But Trish’s story…na wa for that guy. He needs help, seriously.

  3. Its simply hilarious. But babes still have the most stupid fish brain oriented excuses for non coherent actions. An example is a girl callin a direct insult on her boifriend a test of her self esteem.damn!!!

  4. The excuse I got frm an ex-bf who went on to get married, didn’t tell me about it n I had to find out on fb… He told me that I was too young (age diff was like 5yrs) and so he went to get married for my own good! Lmao! Its nt dat he proposed to me @ anytime ooo! When I look back, I jst laugh it off!!!

  5. Boys are just sick. The latest I heard of is “we don’t share the same values” “I av a flare for ministry ie church” but he just wants to keep up with d friends with benefits game. Like serzly who d hell does dat?

  6. coco ooooooooooo pls dnts kill me. im laughin my head out in the office right now. no mind guys jooo, they are confused pple. ” i 4get ur hostel is there?” na wa4 that guy sha.

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