No BS: Why We Broke Up

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This is my confession.

I hope it helps someone in an abusive relationship and a must read for anyone who is tired of being fucked around by a woman seeing multiple people.

To be honest, it’s more of a personal decision and my article is only here to give a clear picture of some of the things I went through in the hand of this BITCH.

I know some of the women here are already angry with me for calling a fellow woman a bitch but what do you call a female dog who is seeing loads of people at the same time?

Ehn? Tell me what to call a woman that can stop you from attaining greater heights in life?

She fucked me for years.

She was also fucking others.

She’s still fucking others.

She’s a female dog with unstoppable taste for young and old people.

Please before you rush down to the comment box to give me an evening bath with Boko Haramed comments, please read my own side of the story first.

I met Comfo, short for Comfort in 2005 few months after NYSC. She was everything any man at that point could ask for . She was a bag of chips and a plate of Ofe Nsala.

In the beginning, it was fun and I was the envy of almost everybody in my neighbourhood.

We used to go on weekly dates and in most cases, we’d leave my house in the morning and I wouldn’t get back until late. To show you how much fun I had, I sometimes bought Akara and bread from some woman under Falomo Bridge.

Unlike what is obtainable these days, we didn’t go all the way in the first year. We took our time and I was willing to wait. We held hands ONLY for a good six months before she even considered giving a full mouth kiss and some other things she referred to as  “benefits”.  I was very happy and was satisfied with the kissing and handholding.  Even when some of my friends were toasting other people for a greener pasture, I was dedicated to my relationship with Comfo and was not looking elsewhere.

While we were on it, Comfo informed me that I was only allowed to see my parents 4 weeks in a year which I can decide on how and when to visit them in Aba. While that sounded cool, I was of the opinion that I could sneak out to see them without Comfo’s knowledge but that never really happened because I was so busy getting fucked by Comfo. Yes, sex with her was THAT good.

Four years later, I met this other young lady and we became friends. She was my side chic but we were sexing. She was always there for me and she taught me different ways to masturbate. As funny as it may sound, she put it to me that I could masturbate myself to satisfaction without any help from Comfo and as such would require no excuses to go visit my parents. She said that the good thing about masturbation is the ability to imagine anybody you want to satisfy yourself with and just do it.

I was seeing Comfo but I was masturbating on the side.

I changed jobs in 2008 but kept my relationship with Comfo because I was scared of the unknown. I didn’t know if I could find a better woman or if anybody would want me.

I even considered just keeping to masturbation, which was giving me everything I wanted as well as time to go visit my parents. At some point, I realised that I was getting more satisfaction from masturbation than fucking Comfo.

One night, I was going through Comfo’s BBMs when my eyes opened, I saw some things that came as a surprise to me.

While Comfo was fucking me, she was fucking so many other people. She was giving them the same excuse that they wouldn’t be great without her and may never find satisfaction. She has been fucking a 59years old man for 30 years making him remain in the same job.

She was not just fucking men; she was sleeping with loads of women too. I felt betrayed and used. She used me alongside so many others and made us believe no one would ever want us.

She made me believe I couldn’t do without her and I was very scared of leaving her even when I was getting more satisfaction out there through masturbation.

Dear All, if you are sacred of leaving a Comfo in your life right now, may this article change your opinion. Make sure it’s the right time and you’ve gotten all that you may ever need from her/him. I left Comfo in April 2011 and I have been a lot better.

Truthfully, life begins when you stop fucking THE COMFORT ZONE. 

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

69 comments

  1. No no, I’m not ‘sacred’ of leaving comfo. *rme*. Nothing as ibotic as ‘dear all’ but then again this is nobs soo…

  2. Dude! You are boring. What happpened to all the writers here? All I see these days naa so so music!
    Na wa…that twitter fool you asked to write a column too? Where she go? Abi people d ask questions to mature for her pea sized brain? Where Franque? Jazz?even that girl weh win Banky W date sef? All good writers and you allow me read this utter bollocks?
    Get a life…or better still learn the basics of writing

  3. people just come here and chat shit!!!! if you read and you dont like, keep your rotten comments to yourself!!!
    the guy made an effort (a very good one) at that so appreciate and gtfoh with your negativity!!!
    write memoirs write memoirs, can you chill the fuck out and wait!!!!!
    so this mr know it all that’s suggesting his girlfriend told him to stop writing, and calling him a sisi??? LOL… OLODO!!!
    i wonder what would happen when and if memoirs comes to an end.
    kudos Mr Igwe, we love you!!! 😀 and oh, nice write up, am sure it touched some of these losers here… am a big fan of memoirs too…

  4. Nice write up!
    some of you are just olodos, if you don’t get the message or atleast the joke with it biko Shut up.
    Mumu yinka, you need a better life !

  5. From “She has been fucking a 59years old man for 30 years making him remain in the same job”,I knew it wasn’t a lady being referred to. Yeah! Leaving the comfort zones takes a lot of courage,willpower and support from friends n family alike,but then,one has gotta leave. Thanks Nobs,I need to leave my current job by July next year

  6. Nobs…I think a lot of the people throwing Jabs at this piece don’t get it, or they just are not comfortable (no pun here) with the colour of humour in which it was delivered. Having said that…NICE ONE jor!!

  7. Shotelle y soo bitter? Alias of mr nobles girlfriend maybe…lol! Noble brought his girlfriend to cm and fight for him o *holds laff*

  8. heheheheheheh Shontelle has taken it P in caps o….. who dash monkey banana sef…. u sef if the criticism is too much wats ur own na…. why not read, comment and stroll pass ehn? anyways

    Dear Mr. Nobs,

    You are begining to offend me with this your blog o…. whatsup with all the other writers?? where’s Kelly? where’s Chidinma?? where’s Jazz and co?? Nna biko find these people o before ur blog starts losing relevance… I went 4 pages without seeing one story…chai….please wake up and keep up the hard work you started. For crying out loud, your blog is bookmarked on my device, I keep preaching 360nobs to everybody I meet, encouraged a friend to write for you and even my gf knows that I’ve my private time with 360nobs.com daily… What more can u ask of a true fan? This story is definitely from a feeble pen…. dis one can’t redeem you o. btw memoirs is at a decline stage and getting soo less interresting….. pls rescue it.

    Yours sincerly,
    Your once devoted fan

    Ps: My bookmarks just reduced!

  9. You got me right there. I loved the story and the point you are trying to make. I sure as hell needed this. I can like to quit fucking comfo from now on although I admit it will be kinda hard and strange.

  10. Nobs doing what he knows how to do best. Truth surely is bitter and is the most difficult thing to accept without a fight,albeit silly and unnecessary.
    Thanks for the motivation. I love your creativity and witty delivery. I wish you well.

  11. now we know y Noble doesnt write memoirs again. his new girlfriend is a policewoman. Shontelle una well done. allow d boy 2 live his life. no need 2 police him around, he’s a big boi n can take care of himself. NOBS MUST B HARD 4 U STIFFENING YOUR CREATIVITY JUICES WITH A POILCE GF HANGING AROUND

  12. How i wish a certain person is reading this post this morning. You never know how much potential is in you until you leave your comfort zone. Great Article.

  13. Not a bad one Nobs…

    Think the problem is peeps are used to more witty writings 4rm u and dis is quite below the standard yu av set 4 urself… but still, like Toni Kan says ‘things Kan only get better’.

    put up someting else ASAP to calm frayed nerves will you!

    shalom

  14. i am definitely enjoying this..hahaha!!
    i am a VOLTRON (not as if Noble needs any voltron-ing) but you guys should allow me be great!
    All of you ranting about his gf, are you sure you dont want to bounce the babe? be patient, your turn will come!!!!
    i dont know when giving advice or trying to give advice started having any connection with relationships! ILLITERATES!!!

  15. Hi, I’m a frequent visitor to the site but usually stick to the writings of my cousin, Franque. He recommended I read this post and I’m glad I did. I have been and still am being f-ed by Comfo and I’ve been trying to break it off for a while now. This post was truly something I needed to read.
    Thank you Mr. NI.

  16. All of last nyt, all iGot was ppl tellin me how Nobs didn’t try with this post n how he failed at whatever he was tryna do. Maybe iGet it well becos Nobs n iShared the initial Comfo; he left, iAm still here but iMake her work for me too o. #SymbiosisTinz.
    We all need to leave our Comfort Zones if we must truly be great as we r quick to ask PHCN and our Government to allow. iAm ramblin abi?
    This post doesn’t just make sense to me, it makes a lot of sense to me. And pple askin where Franque is: Check EVERY Friday and some weekdays too, u will find me here.

  17. Very good piece. Advice i am unwilling to take as i have way too much responsibilities to go solo.
    I salute your courage.
    I read the comments before the piece and i am wondering why this site attracts dullards?

  18. Maybe I need to spell it out that your comfort zone is more than your place of work.
    It’s about that your father’s BQ, your father’s old car, the fear to make a first class.
    We can go on and on.
    Oyibo di egwu

  19. .. . you got me laughing at the end. and i’m not sure if thats the reaction that it should arouse.
    but it was an unexpectedly ‘good’ read!

  20. Noble,
    You have certainly come a long way with your writing..(i like the new slant of memoirs, less sex, more wit). As for comfort, i am known for being the man who effs her on the reg.. Once i start feeling too comfy in a job or watever (minus relationships), i do the needful.. i once quit a well paying job when i discovered i was becoming a lord to myself as in my boss could not find fault with me( even if i showed up for work @12noon). I started all over at another place and when comfo came a-calling, i pulled the plug again.. Now i work for myself and i must confess that while its difficult, i am assured that my success awaits me as it is contingent upon my working hard. I also have more time on my hands to do stuff that ordinarily i would have been hampered from doing… So i am a better person for it and all this comfort zone experiences have shaped my personality and made me a more beautiful person on the inside…I hope and pray some one out there gets inspired by this article and strives to unleash the potential in them.

    As for all the bitchy comments(from male and female readers), I want you to view them as rejection slips which are an essential part of a writer’s life.. So put more effort into it and your writing shall be better for it.. Also reading more authors might be helpful in that direction…
    One love,
    Da Injurer

  21. oga, I hope u not letting all deez haters bother yo? what is wrong with a writeing with some lesson at the end? ehn? ppl are soooo just fkd up in this country… we need to enthrone ideas now! nobs it ok, first time am visiying theis page, but i like ur style, been hearing about u. fuck those idiots, they should go and write their own na…. e easy?

  22. i don’t know y mofos just be hating for no reason, but dude i like it. u were able to convey ur message in an engaging way. 2 thumbs up

  23. Dear Nobs,

    It’s either I need to read this post again or something is wrong somewhere. This contradicts totally with the slushkid memoirs. Did this happen before the slushkid stage.

    Dude I really prefer the Don Juan slush kid than this.

  24. Seriously, dis guy is movin’ up in dis industry and y’all sit back there doin’ nothin but HATE…. I pity ur lives, y’all beta start something good with ur low lives and stop hatin before its too late.
    Atleast he is doin’ somethin’, wetin una don do? Abeg make una haters go get a life jor, if only y’all have a good sense of humor to understand the article. SMH… @shontelle Silence is the best answer for dis pack of haterz jare. @Noble God bless your hustle.. We here in Europe dey feel u die. Keep up the good work, let nothing hold u down and let them kip hating while u rise to d top… Mschewwww!!! Senseless bad belle people

  25. ok I just read this article for the second time, and I think this article has to be a metaphor. Why because ”she fasting being fucking a 59 year old man for 29 years” that would make comfort atleast 44 years old and taking the time of service into play makes it all the more inplausible.

    Tell me am write.. I know I am
    BTW still waiting on the memoirs

  26. Nobs, why nw? we are busy waiting for the memoirs and you give us this….. no way. abeg just end the article and pls give us memoirs asap.

  27. LMAO @ AL… We here in europe??? Really? Nigga u deluded. STFU and go read a book.

    Nobs…hmmm very bleh but I get the message. 🙂

  28. I found the end of the post funny…somewhat unexpected. I had been wondering where all of that was gonna lead but it all made sense….What was even funnier were the comments….lmao…..funniest were your responses, Nobs..Oh lawd!

  29. wow, so much haters. Nobs is only tryin to give good advice as per wat worked for him. Its so obvious that those posting the hateful comments are obviously nitwits and dull-brained. Good job Nobs. These pple hv no lives of their own such that they live only through the pages of ur memoirs. Btw, am lovin memoirs now, less raunchy.

  30. Don’t mind them Nobs. Ur articles r just for pple who love literature and can think deep and not shallow-minded pple. Great write-up. The theme of the article is that we all need to step out of our comfort zone fast before the world passes us by completely.

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