Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid: Wk 61

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So last week I spoke about a relationship that was called off because the dude didn’t have air conditioning in his car. The babe in question called me and asked me to stay out of her “issue”. This is me staying out of the issue.

However before I totally leave the issue, I want to inform you that dude is so depressed and no longer thinks he’s a full man.

We’ve been trying to talk him into moving on with his life but as usual, it’s always easy to when you are not the one involved.

The lady must have taken with her, his self-esteem; and without one’s self-esteem, it would be difficult for you to properly conduct yourself in the presence of others.

Say NO to bad and abusive relationship. You know the sort of relationship that you enter and one party makes you feel that you don’t deserve him or her. Such a relationship robs you of your self-esteem.

Why would you stay in relationship where you keep getting insults like “I’m doing you a favour dating you”, “You can’t even think of leaving me because you won’t be able to feed”, “You are ugly”, “If you ever leave me, I’ll kill you” etc.

Some people get constant beatings and sloppy make up sex.

If you think you are currently in an abusive relationship, leave today and save whatever you have left of your self-esteem.

Some relationships can leave you thinking you can never do anything right in your life.

Think about your life before the relationship and make a decision today.

Love your partner and show them that you love them.

Compliment your partner, it’s not money but it goes a long way, way longer than money in some cases.

Men, remember the women that stood by you during your early beginnings and treat them right when you “arrive”.

Women love your man, be proud of him

One more thing, just because Facebook hasn’t created a love button doesn’t mean you can’t still like 360nobs –>

*Chibuzor steps out of Noble Igwe leaving Nobs to continue with memoirs*


Sunday May 22, 2011

Biola? In my house?

I’m scared of Biola and it’s not because she can beat me physically but because I can’t really place my hands on the things she’s capable of doing and those she cannot do.

Have you ever heard of those people that picked ‘someone’ at night without discussing the price and somehow in the morning, the lady will start shouting in the compound requesting for some money to be paid.

I feel that someday, Biola may come to the house and request for payment of the sex we had.

So I went to Chaa’s room to inform her.

Nobs: Chaa, I’m in trouble

Chaa: Will it affect me?

Nobs: Chiso, be serious for once na

Chaa: What’s the problem?

Nobs: I think Biola is downstairs!

Chaa: Did you invite her to a party here?

Nobs: She said she brought back my t-shirt.

Chaa: Tell her to dash Mustapha the shirt or are you still planning to wear it?

Nobs: No

Chaa: Then what is so difficult in telling her to keep it?

Nobs: I feel like it will be rude if I don’t go downstairs.

Chaa: Chibuzor, I don’t know what this Biola gave you to eat but I thank God that I did not eat it with you.

Nobs: Chiso, She didn’t give me anything

Chaa: Book a mass! Let a reverend father confirm it.

Nobs: So what should I do?

Chaa: Tell her to leave the shirt with Mustapha and go home. Or do you want to pack some food for her?

Nobs: I really doubt if you are my sister. Thanks for nothing

Chaa: Please let me know when Zoba walks in on the both of you.

I left her room and I knew I was going to pay her back.

It was not like I didn’t understand Biola but I felt that it would be rude not to go downstairs to meet her.

We had had something and it would be  total disrespect to treat her like trash and who knows, I may need something from her in the future so there was no way I was going to treat her like she didn’t matter.

Trust me, she didn’t give me anything to eat unless she placed it somewhere that I ate.

I got downstairs and there she was looking a bit too hot in a long almost see through dress.

I hugged her and she whispered, “my babies miss you

Forget what you heard, Biola packs the sort of boobs that will make you shout “Ogini n’afio

Nobs: Hey, sorry for keeping you. How are you?

Biola: I’m good. I’ve missed you

Nobs: I’ve missed you too. You shouldn’t have bothered returning the t-shirt. You should keep it and wear it when you miss me.

Biola: that means I will be wearing it everyday.

Nobs: You are funny

Biola: Nobs, I know that I have said certain things to hurt you. I’ve even done some things to make you feel bad but I really want you to give me a chance.

Nobs: Biola, I’m seeing someone now

Biola: I know and I am not going to ask you to leave the person you are with at the moment. Back then, you were seeing Shirls and Slim but I never complained. It’s not a big deal, it’s about finding out who has your best interests at heart. I’m ready to start as friends and then move unto something more serious with time.

Nobs: I’m okay with being just friends

Biola: When is she leaving?

Nobs: Who?

Biola: Your new girlfriend

Nobs: Her name is Zoba and no, she’s not new. We’ve known each other for some years now.

Biola: I didn’t mean it that way

Nobs: It’s okay.

Biola: You won’t offer me anything?

Nobs: What do you want ?

Biola: Vodka and coke

Nobs: It’s a Sunday jor.

Biola: Ok. Coke is fine.

I weighed the consequences of taking her upstairs and concluded that Zoba may waste some time with Chidi.

So I invited Biola up.

We got upstairs but unlike the past, I invited her to the living room.

Biola: Wow. I’m no longer fit to go into your bedroom?

Nobs: It’s not like that. I thought we both agreed on some new friendship ideas.

Biola: It’s fine. I’m not complaining. It’s just new to me

Nobs: Same here.

I offered her Coke and she changed the TV to African Magic.

I kept praying to God to keep Zoba away from the house for some time. I even considered calling her to find out if she was on her way but I didn’t want to give out any signs that could mean I had someone in the house or I was monitoring her movements.

I then decided to tell Biola to leave

Nobs: Bee, I’ll be going out in a bit

Biola: Nobs, are you chasing me now? Okay. Let me finish this movie na. I’ve seen it before and it’s almost the end.

Nobs: I really have to go

Biola: Are you going out in shorts?

Nobs: No, I will just change and then head out

Biola: The movie might even finish before you come out

I quickly went to the room to change. I kept saying short prayers to God to please keep Zoba far from the house.

I dressed up like I was really going somewhere.

I got to the leaving room and before I opened the door, I saw the slippers that Zoba wore when she was going out.

I stopped and quickly went to Chaa’s room but she was not there.

I looked at my phone and I saw a BBM from her.

Zoba is back but she’s not raking

I opened the living room door and Chaa was the first person that spoke

Chaa: Nobs, where can I download that Banky’s new single “I told you so”

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. LMAO… I love Chaa… She’s your match.. Always having ready answers to every question and situation. Jisike! Can’t wait for week 62.

  2. wow am the first to read and comment this time. Am alwayz waitng for every memoirs of slu. please nobs hurry up wit the rest of the story. LWkMD@ banky new single” i told you so”. This biola babe go soon put you for “baby let me explain or babe its not wat you think” situation one day o.

  3. Chai!!! ur sis is a case…….n really “she told u so”
    I don’t know why u’r mincing words wit dis Biola of a gal……Its certain u won’t end up wit a yoruba gal even if Jesus comes.DON’T spoil chancewit Zoba ooo!
    I pity u d day she’ll unleash

  4. Omg!!if this was a movie,I’ll kill to be in it…lol..chaa z def a smart chicka..nwannem if by any chance u mess things wt zoba,I ga gbala aka ka aaron,btw I’m going to bed smiling and imagining wats going to happen nxt wk…udo!

  5. Totally worth the wait. Wish you could update twice the wait with as much content.
    Cha is just the ish. Very intelligent. Wish I could wife her.

  6. For once,sumfin gud dat doesn’t involve sex is happenin in ur lyf.grow up dude,u ve had enof sex to last u for 12yrs.let biola,shirls and d rest go,buh b4 u do dat pls mek sure dat ur zoba gives it to u jus d way u want it.

  7. I love chaa…she reminds me of myself….yeah incase you need “something” from her abi,as zoba is not forthcoming..LOL…gosh I love this.


  9. why are u always giving ur stories in bit,I liked how it was then,when u tell us d day and tym things happened. now I know am reading last mth’s story. its still ok sha.

  10. Walahi,na dsame mama born u and chaa(she get ur magani).very smart gal…I don’t expect Zoba to over react cos so far,she has proved to b more mature than u.sorry bro

  11. Wallahi, Chaa is rily ur magani Nobs!!! Hehe…isn’t Zoba the sweetest mature gal eva? Woteva happened to Slim? I miss her ooo

  12. Chaa is the perfect sister! Lol
    What’s up with Biola? Zoba is the real deal,seriously. And you,sweetheart, love high levels of adrenaline. Chai!

  13. This use to be one of my favorite but now I don’t even bother to check on a mondays. The stories have become shorter. What seperated this from all the other memoirs was that nobs use to post pictures along side his juicy stories now the stories seem too made up, rushed and just uninteresting. Nobs if you feel cutting off your stories when it hasn’t really started is you creating suspense then your wrong. Its just plain ol dumb! I hope you can deliver on mondays as promised or just stick to every two weeks, atleast then maybe the stories will become lengthier. #PISSED!

  14. *picks mic* i tot ur memoirs was supposed 2 be wat apnd during d wk n not a day. n ur stuff z becomin predictable i prolly can write d nxt one 4 u. *hisses n drops mic*

    1. @ Basooh & Adeola,

      I know how you feel .
      The truth is , I got a lil more busier.
      I will try to deliver on Mondays but I’m trying to update from the past to the future.
      I miss those Mondays too.
      I will get back to that with time.
      Thank you for the support .

      @ All,
      Thanks for still loving me.


  15. hehehehehehee……..I feel particularly blessed that I can at least access this website in Firewall China!!! I would have had to pack my load and go back to where I come from if I wasn’t able to….Choi! I’ld like to be a fly on your wall….Chaaa….oh Chaa!

  16. *yawnsssss* Honestly this stories just get super boring by the week or so…..biola appears like willie willie….zoba catches you…chaa gets a major subtle role…tom chases jerry..james bond is your mentor…bla bla bla……this may be a nonconstructive criticism and may piss y’all but its the plain truth…Your readership is dwindling and i’m sure life with imaginary zoba is a lot better than potrayed these days….you dont need to fast forward to the sex scenes but puhlease spare me the africa magic.

  17. I can’t believe that a sharp man like Buzor can be so gullible and let Biola come upstairs with him.
    What if Zoba forgot something nd drove back to pick it up?
    you had a few options thta you chose not to take.
    Ask herto drop it with Mustapha that you were out.
    ignore her text and reply back 5 hrs later blaming the network.
    Nobs, but why?
    inokwa na nsogbu ugbua.

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