FRANQUE’S ABCs: ANYBODY THERE

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I wanted to write something entirely different.

I write bi-monthly articles for “Wedding Planner” usually about my life from the plain but sometimes funny angle of a working middle aged woman who’s not yet married.

Usually I spend nights like this -when sleep refuses to court me- thinking about which morsel of my life to share with the rest of the world, and that is what I planned to do tonight as well, but in the end I found my mind drifting lazily in other directions, and I watched it with one lethargic eye laced with the sort of indulgence that only a long and draining day can fabricate.

As my mind danced lightly over one thought after the other, a part of my consciousness noted in annoyance that Mary, my help, must have left the doors open again, as the ninjas that call themselves mosquitoes in my neighborhood where presently elbowing each other in a tussle for the parts of my body I dared to leave uncovered.

I turned in annoyance to cover myself properly and assume a more cozy position, but had to quickly change my mind. Not because I wanted to, mind you, but because the bulge in my stomach threatened to crush my bladder. I forgive you for thinking I’m pregnant. I’m not. But I have two bulges all the same. One of them bigger than the other. The report I got from the diagnostics down the road from my office told me that the first bulge is what medics call the subserosal sort, and the other, the smaller one, is the intramural type.

Yeah, even though there is no history of Fibroids on either my mother’s or father’s side I’m currently nursing two out of the three possible types.

That’s where my mind went, and as I absentmindedly used my hands and fingers to map the geography of the larger of the two vagabond cells latching on to my uterus, I let myself accept the inevitability of the surgery I was too petrified to let myself contemplate.

I wondered if I would die. I’ve heard enough horror stories of women bleeding to death, or never waking up…

Then I wondered how I would cope after surgery if I survived. I figured my mom would come stay with me till I got stronger, then asked myself how I would have coped if my mom weren’t still alive as all my siblings have families of their own to look after. That got me thinking on the sadness of having to cope ALONE, because I’m unmarried. My mind chose that moment to slide further into the murkiness. It asked me if I’d still be unmarried if I hadn’t been raped at 18. Yes, raped by three men, all of them without condoms. I know its starting to sound like a movie script right now. I’m smiling. I wandered deeper into the darkness. I randomly noted that my heart was pounding and my breath was coming in gasps as I recalled that dark 5th day of May… The fear, the muffled screams, the tearing of the hymen that I could hear in my head, the racking sobs in the bathroom when I finally managed to drag my wrecked body home, to pretend like nothing happened, the weeks that followed, heavy-laden with the terror of the possibility of HIV,  some other STD, or even a pregnancy for which I wouldn’t be able to tell which heartless male donated that particular sperm…

I wondered if I’d be married now if I hadn’t been raped on that day in May. Because it dawned on me that every man who broke up with me in every one of the relationships I’ve been with, broke up with me or just faded into the mist almost as soon as I told them of that singular most traumatizing day of my life.

I take it men don’t mind that you’ve been with other men, as long as the other men didn’t rape you. They seem unable to deal with the one bit of information that I’ve been looking for someone to help me come to terms with…

I didn’t plan on writing this article, it’s turned out to be quite long hasn’t it? Your editor might think it too long or too horrifying or too something for publishing. That’s fine too, it’s just that my mind chose to wander into the dark tonight, and I chose to follow it…

– Enitan

 

PS(Franque): They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Maybe so, maybe not. The one thing I do know for sure is that we cannot just hold the lemons and stare at them in wonderment or confusion. Rather, think of it as being in a valley, the good thing is you can see both sides.

We can not live in fear, or loneliness. It is at times like this that we have to come back to the middle, find our balance and take it from there.

Then again, what do I know about these things?

Franque

Franque

"Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn't. Scratch that. He didn't.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn't in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!" Follow @franque_521 on twitter.

18 comments

  1. And its so unfortunate, because it happens a lot in Nigeria. I remember the long finger nails of a ‘family friend’ of my fathers in me before the age of 5 and two other, ‘family friends’ attempt to rape me before the age of 16.

    You are a strong woman. And the right man, will come along and love you, just the way you are. Never fret.

    Good luck on the surgery. It shall be successful and your healing will be permanent in Jesus name. In your body, soul and mind. Amen.

    Come back and share your good news on both fronts.

  2. I feel so sad cos I understand what and how it feels to be violated…and it hurts to see how abused women still have to deal wv rejection in addition to the trauma of rape and sexual assault….my prayer for her is that God gives her a man who ll love and appreciate her despite her past

  3. OMG… Wow *Hugs* Everything would turn out fine In Jesus Name. Just like Neefemi said, Pls do come back and share Ur good news with Us!!! It is well..

  4. Had the child abuse experience like neefemi, even though I wasn’t raped its scars a part of u to an extent. I was young enough 2 block out most of d events so I cannot even begin 2 imagine the horror of rape

    I don’t even know wat 2 say…in any situation, all we can do is hold on, hold out, dust urself up n keep climbing. Things will definately get better. Praying 4 u

  5. God bless you all. Yes, I’ll admit I’m scarred, and everytime I get another “knock” the scars bleed anew. But I’m still glad for the stretches of joy and happiness inbetween the “knocks” and the people (like Franque) who help me get by. Thanks guys!

  6. Family, This is the 1st in a series of 3. No, you will not havta wait anoda week for the nxt.
    @ Chychy: Less is more. *hug*;
    @ Neefemi: a friend just said to me how about 70% of her friends were molested as children. That’s scary, and alarmin! Thanx for ur comment
    @ Ms D: thanx for ur prayer;
    @ Lorlah: how come u’v never hugged me b4 sef?
    @ MaBijo: We could make lemonades, or just plant the seeds n grow an orchard;
    @ Kay: In my experience, it is better to dust oneself off with the help of a strong support group. Thanx for ur comment.
    @ Everyone_else: th e 2nd n 3rd b4 the weekend runs out

  7. i totally get where u are coming from enitan…..well not 3 men at once…but at different times…..
    And ladies too…..making me do weird things…

    I have tried n am still trying to not let it get in d way of my life….
    but i think it something u really need to leave to God…..
    As i grow older i feel less bitterness
    ….i try to leave it all to Him as i await d right man…

    it aint easy….but we’re stronger…

    go with God for d sugery..

  8. Enitan,

    First let me say that you are an incredibly brave woman for living through that and managing to find happiness afterwards, and an even stronger one for sharing it with us. I cannot begin to fathom the horror but it absolutely breaks my heart to hear that the men in your past relationships did not seek to help you heal but instead, ran in the opposite direction. I just don’t get it. Nonetheless, all that simply means is that they weren’t right for you. YOUR husband is out there, and you WILL meet him.

    And as for those pesky fibroids, seek solace in the fact that the surgery will get rid of them for good. Also remember that for every scary surgery story, there are 55 successful ones. Yours will be a success so make sure you have a big grin on your face just before you go under, because you will come out of it saying “fibroid who?”

    Stay blessed.

    Coz: Seriously, where do you find these amazing women?

  9. This is a sad piece…
    Its crazy how many girls have been molested in their childhood…
    Even worse is the fact that it comes from within the family 70% of the time…

  10. Oh my days! Enitan ….you staying strong after dat incident and the health problem ur dealing wiv now only proves one thing—God’s existence! Stick wiv Him thru it all, he’ll never leave u now after bringing u so far.
    P.S: I’m quite sad May 5th is a dark day for u…its ma mum’s birthday and i celebrate even in her absence( she’s deceased) 🙂

  11. *hugs* . Brave is the word i’ad call u. Leave d spineless men alone jooor,the right guy will come along just b sure to let us knw. As for ur surgery,IT IS WELL

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