Coco’s Chronicles: My Next Boyfriend

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So I have decided to write a letter to the next boy that’ll be my boyfriend. I think some boys don’t know what to do and so I have set a few guidelines to help out. First sha, let me write a letter to you.

Dear readers, I love you guys to pieces. The ever faithful ones, the once in a while ones, the passerby ones and the ones who read just to diss me. Thanks for reading and thanks for those ever welcomed comments. I promise not to ever bore you.

Now on to that letter to my next boyfriend.

Dear next boyfriend,
How are you? Where are you? I have never been this single for long and I honestly am beginning to get scared! I always double check my image in the mirror these days to be sure everything is still right and I have even turned to my friend Reanne who can’t stop staring at herself in the mirror.

Please come fast because my mom and her twin sister wouldn’t stop asking about my boyfriend. In fact, they have started praying for me sef. They think something is wrong.

Next boyfriend, when you are coming –

1. Please have a car, make sure it has AC. No, I’m not like the girl NOBS said broke up with her boyfriend because he didn’t have AC in his car. But they snatched a friend’s phone while we were in the cab some weeks back and I don’t want my phone to be stolen. And of course, we won’t roll up glasses when the car doesn’t have air conditioner!

2. I’ll prefer you to be an Ilesa boy, because I know boys from that side can do (please don’t axe me how many I’ve been with).

3.You need me to look sexy, you pay for it! Learn how to buy Victoria Secrets lingerie, Mac powder, L’oreal lip glosses, MaryKay foundation… I’ll show you the rest of the list when you come.

4.Read my chronicles well, you have to be my number one fan!

5. Don’t pressure me for blowjobs, that is going to happen when I feel like it. And if you piss me off, I’ll eat hot suya and give you one you’ll never forget. Yep, emi coco noni

6. You can have female friends, but please I don’t want close ones that’ll be checking up on you while we are getting down or who will feel more special to you than I am or who people would tease you about!

7. I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch your EPLs and the others but abeg no cancel our dates for any match. That’s the height.

8. If I want to lose weight, I’ll register in a gym, so don’t chase me around for sex every time!

9. Let my friends be my friends and your friends your friends. Don’t be too close to my girls. They are MY girls not yours.

10. I love attention, if you know you’ll get tired, don’t bother coming.

11. Babe, I will take care of you like mad. So trust me you want to run down here as soon as you can! Kisses babe!

NB: you had better like buying birthday presents.




I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco


  1. I think I have an idea about the Ilesha analogy….them fit take care of woman die! I have seen a couple of them, they may not be faithful (like almost every other guy) but the homefront is exactly that, THE HOMEFRONT. Dem no dey joke with their babes/responsibilities…..iThink

  2. lovely write – up. Thank God there was nothing on being God – fearing and all……..easy with the hot suya cos he might just retaliate with ‘were epe’ when he’s giving u head (that’s if u like head)…… all the best…lol

  3. Rhu: lol
    MizIndE: thanks. Mwah!
    Ola noni: you can? I hear you
    Dikkybutt: lol. You don’t have to be an ilesa boy
    Em~kay: thanks
    Pearl: I speak ur mind abi? 😉
    Nneka: thanks dear
    Ms Ef: hmm. Gimme a sec to think about it
    honeydame: yeah. They try their best I guess…
    Paul sinclair: lol. Nah, don’t like head. So werepe won’t be happening afterall. Thanks
    Qexis: abi o. How old we be sef?
    Jhymy: thanks. Arsenal fans aren’t bad @ all. I know one who’s such a sweetheart…

  4. fascinating to believe that ilesa boys r the most caring…obviously u aint bin wit a proper igbo boy….girl we treat women like the queen that befits them….we giv em the throne …nd they wnt nid the septre…Follow on twitter @Czar_Rafael i always ff baq….nice one by the way

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