Ask MsItunu: I lost my virginity to a 34 year old man.

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Dear MsItunu,

I strongly pray you would have a good answer or solution to my problems.
I am 18, I  just lost my virginity to a 34 year old i like so much (who is surprisingly still showing affection)
it just happened last week and i want to kill myself for it. Now i have these urges and i don’t know how to prevent them its like loosing my virginity 
has brought out the nympho in me.
So should i be feeling as awful as this and how do i get rid of the urges?


Hello Ola,
Loaded question. First you have to be honest with yourself, why are you feeling awful? You felt the need to mention that the man (is he your boyfriend?) is 34 years old so it must be of some relevance to you. How do you feel about dating a 34 year old man? It is usually harder for young girls to assert their wishes in a relationship let alone one with a much older man. So you need to be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationship and why exactly you’re in it.

I don’t know if you practice a religion, and if you do you probably know the stand on pre-marital sex so maybe this is the source of your guilt?
Sex for the first time is usually both a physical and emotional act and many argue spiritual too. These urges that you are experiencing may not be purely physical as sex tends to add another layer of intimacy to a relationship that may not have been present before. Again the nature of your relationship with this man comes into question.

There’s no point crying over the loss of your virginity as it has already happened and sadly cannot be reversed. What you need to do now is be totally honest with yourself. As mentioned earlier re-evaluate the nature of your relationship with this man and what it means to the both of you. This is where you need to be a bit more assertive and direct.
You mentioned something about the loss of your virginity bringing out the ‘nympho’ in you. I put the word nympho in quote because I believe you use the word loosely here. Ordinarily under the right circumstances, a woman having sexual urges is perfectly normal and is a sign of a healthy sex drive. However given the circumstances here, your age, the age of your partner and the nature of your relationship (which is not very clear) I’d say you might be on to something. Again you have to be completely honest with yourself. Why do you think you’re having these urges? Is it somehow influenced by your partner or are these urges personal and free from external influences?

After answering all these questions honestly, I want you to also take into consideration the fact that with sex comes a lot of responsibilities. Are you ready for these responsibilities? Can you handle it?
I believe its only after you have answered all the above questions honestly that you can begin to think of a solution.

I hope this helps, do keep me updated and if you need further advice I’d be happy to help.
Readers over to you, what advice do you have for this young lady?

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

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  1. Dear ola,
    I also lost my virginity last yr at 19! At first i felt so depressed but i’ve come to realise that there are other things in life to get worried about other than losing one’s virginity. Probably you are worried cos you sinned by committing fornication just pray to God he forgives! By the way virginity is overrated in our society! The bible never said you must marry as a virgin it only said that we should not commit fornication and the same bible says if we confess our sins God will forgive so just move on! By the way i dated a 37yr old man when i was 16 we did everything but not sex so my dear don’t kill yourself as no one has the right to Judge you! God sees you as brand new once you re-dedicate your life to him. Take care…kisses 🙂

  2. You’ve pretty much said everything that needs to be said. Defining your relationship with the guy is actually the first step to knowing what is happening. After that is done, every other thing pretty much falls into place

  3. By the way pray to God for self control. You can even decide to take a break from the relationship for a while. Ask yourself why you are in the relationship, what is the basis of the relationship, i just hope you get answers because trust me you are too young to start stressing yourself with men issues! i just hope you are not doing it for the money sha(no offence intended). By the way, you can also focus on your education try to channel those urges to something more productive, Get Busy!! The sooner you decide the better because once you continue having sex with him in the long run, it will be very hard for you to come out of the relationship. I hope this helps 🙂

    1. Why must people be bitter. No need to comment if you don’t appreciate the post now…haba.

      And to all those who were sipping on Haterode Ms Itunu is not bad. There’s sense in her reply. People you need to give others a chance before being so negative…

  4. I don’t agree wit any of this advice. Why would you say that the girl is “on to something” regards to the nympho statement??? What 18 year old, virgin or not, doesn’t have any sexual urges? She obviously already had them otherwise she wouldnt have had sex in di 1st place. And now, most likely due to the overly religious society in 9ja, she feels guilty knowing that she will probably have sex again now dat she has alredy done di deed. And as for defining the relationship, if she is happy and the guy still likes her then what is there to define???

  5. Noble this is a fake story, failed attempt at making your blog more interesting! The story sef sounds lik somtin off nobles active imagination. Kmt nympho ni nympho ko! U wish

  6. Laughing my butt off…….More comments please…this is actually more interesting than the original reply…Noble I expected a more sassy reply from you….what haPpened?…Cat got ur tongue? Or fingers as the case may be….

  7. Only God knows why this is causing so much trouble.@ all the people calling Noble’s name do u just have a problem with him? Sheez,he didn’t even write the damn thing for crying out loud. If u seem to have so much problem with it please start ur own blog abeg.Next!

  8. uhm i am actually the person who wrote to itunu and thnx for the advice everyone that gave a productive one.
    and nobs since uve gotten urself into this i need ur advice. and itunu thank u sooo much.
    for those of you who are famzing like you know nobs….please gerrout!!!
    im in the relationship because hez different and he has this fatherly part of him i like so yeah thats about it.
    but the painful thing i now realise is that once u start having sex u cant stop!!!!;lol

    1. Abi!!!! Nobs release memoirs, or kuku change the “issue day” to Wednesday instead of Monday. (although i have to admit, i cracked up at your responses, its been a while since you did that…)

  9. Nice write up. Mr igwe, I must say you are doing a good job. As for the haters, u sef suppose know say that one na occupational hazard…they come with the job..If there’s one nwa a*a that’s doing peeps proud, its gotta be you!!

  10. People are just funny sha.. well to the “worried” the reply says it all. the deed is already done, cannot be undone so look forward not ur past or mistakes. ask urself those this wat u realy want?, are you happy? etc, and then decide and ofcourse in deciding just do whats best for you and your beliefs.and lastly, define the relationship

    i am with lol@efe loool

  11. and as for the questions ive asked myself and it really is that he is such a sweet person and NO he is not giving me money!!!
    I just simply fancy his smartness and all. Think of Pastor Ituah and Ibidun.
    But i’m just scared that i will keep having sex with the thought of “ive done it already i might as well just continue)
    and the religious part also plays a big role its like God prolly hates me now!
    Noble since youve already put yourself inside this please give your own advice to me!
    And thanx again ITUNU.
    For the record Itunu is NOT Nobs so stop famzing you people.kmt

  12. Omgggg!!!! So noble has plenrrrrii personalities*smh* d heriot happens 2b himself,itunu n natasha….plus OLA join sef…..dude ur jst LAME!!! Desperate attempt on not getting fired@work….am surrre ur boss is putting anuf pressure on ur ASS…..ogbenni find berrra story write joor!

  13. Hmmm..I see depressed, sick pple allover the comments! So wot if its all Nobs handwork? So wot if he’s got multiple personalities? U neva hrd of sum1 wiv a multiple personality b4? Or are ya’ll jst hating for attention?-i bet that’s the case! Abeg its nt by force to comment oo…*chicken brains*

  14. No content!very ordinary story nd I can’t blame any1 4 haunting nobs.d comments tripd me more than d story.oga get new writers and stay relevant…..u no try atal wid dis 1

  15. please u didn’t mention if hez married. Iv often wondered what a man above 30is ding dating a teenager i thnk its scary

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