No BS: 120 Things I Hate About The Island

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Here’s the thing, you may need to avoid this post if you woke up on the wrong side of your bed. Talking about waking up on the wrong side, I’m yet to discover the right and wrong side of my bed.

Moving on.

Over the years, I have been thinking about the things I hate about the “Island” socially. You would agree with me that most social activities/events/hangouts in Lagos happen on the Island and it’s regarded as cool when you say, “I stay on the Island” even people that stay beyond the 2nd roundabout sef.

So recently, I started noticing certain things I hate cannot stand about the Island and decided to share them with you.

Feel free to add yours in the comment box

 

Club Regular VS VIP.

If you’ve ever clubbed on the Island, you would notice one thing, everybody and their stepmother wants to be in the VIP section. Once there’s a barricade and a bouncer before it, that’s where everybody will squeeze into, with little or no space for dancing or farting. (Picture the VIP rooms downstairs at Auto Lounge)

In most cases, to communicate with your friends in the same room, you have to either chat on BBM or SMS.

I used to think that the whole idea of clubbing is to relax, socialize and dance a little but these people dress up at home, drive the distance and sit in the club. It’s okay to sit in the Cinema but not in the Club throughout the night nursing a cocktail.

Isn’t it sad sitting down while they play all your favourites songs? Why do we put “perception” first before “actual living”? I just can’t!

 

Event VIP.VVIP vs Regular.

We’ve accepted the fact that all events taking place on the Island must have a VIP, VVIP and regular stand. We’ve also noticed that putting the VVIP/VIP section right in front of the stage dulls the excitement required by performing artistes.

People just sit down instead of move or dance during performances. I’ve been trying to figure out why someone will not encourage a performance after paying so much. Believe me, for a good show, put the regular stand close to the stage forget the Island attitude.

 

Beer Parlour before club.

Have you noticed that in the pursuit of “to belong”, many non-champagne drinkers automatically love champagne in Island clubs? First of all, they will find a beer parlour to drink beer to their satisfaction and then step into the Club later to order a bottle of champagne in the crowded VIP section.

I like the “We must belong” attitude sha. Imagine when you are earning N120, 000.00 a month and every Friday in a month, you will be buying Moet Rose for N35, 000.00. Don’t hate jor. It’s the Island way or do you want us not to be allowed in the VIP section? I know I may not have captured the things you hate about the island socially so I would be glad to read them in the comment box.

Let’s have fun and learn.

Over to you

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

38 comments

  1. So people actually just want to show off by buying moet of that amount when in reality their wages can’t sustain it, wonder how they manage, 9ja and show offs*smh*

    1. I blame me ..
      I said it from get go but somehow I did not break it down enough for you .
      I even said “socially ” but ofcus you missed that because you are only here to insult me.
      I spoke about the club and events
      I also asked you to say what you don’t like but no,you’d rather fight.
      I know your type.
      You need Jesus but if you don’t know the area we are talking about ,then forgive me.
      Lawd, some mothers do have them

      1. I swear you crack me up with your responses all the time. It is so good to know that the person I see in the pictures has this kind of personality. It is refreshing and humorous. And yes, it is complimentary, now turn over to the right-right side of your bed, swiftly….still LMAO @
        “but if you don’t know the area we are talking about ,then forgive me.
        Lawd, some mothers do have them”

        Most Naija internet users these days need Jesus, in a high dose!

      2. Where do you know me from?
        I don’t know V/I?
        Mate, the house I live is worth more than you and your future children could ever hope to make in your life time.
        Your the one dissing somewhere you cant afford to live in, if you don’t like V/I, socially or whatever, please don’t go there, I mean its not really your standard is it<
        Flippin social climber. Wasteman where did you go to school? Who is your father?

  2. People are so not real once they descend 3rd mainland bridge.one person will now have american,british and swahili accent….just to impress.its a pity some ppl spend their salary on moet rose,in fact I know a guy who tells ppl he is ill or out of town whenever derez no more money for rose or henny.

  3. LMAO @ Nobs’ comment. I cant stop laughing at 11.45pm, dear gawd help me! I can imagine that person seriously thinking of a BADASS reply! Nobs watch out the reply might be via twitter for greater exposure. But really dude/babe that was totally uncalled for, if the article is not to ur taste simply step na, bet u r one of the ‘islanders’ bn talked about. I simply hate guys that think they are ‘too hawt, too spicy’ simply cos u have a car that u bought using a loan from a Microfinance bank or a bottle of champagne that I really can buy 4 of for u with MY MONEY and NO NOT ARISTO MONEY!
    But Nobs na, whts up with memoir

  4. Very on point, Nobs!
    Fake lives na him de for Island pass!
    I rather stay for bar n drink(after all that’s what i came to do) when i used to drink alchy!
    Imagine spending 35k on a bottle of champas way go drain my pocket.. When my name no be Bill or Dagogo…

  5. Ahhh this one angers me sooo much….on the island those hausa people that sell fruits and tubers…hmmn…they will tell you one pack of grape is like N900 but just speak hausa first it will decrease to N300.
    oh and there is this plantain chips that is sold only on the island..how biased!
    people that live in Ajah(the bush part oh) will be telling you i live in lekki lmao

    1. You would know that Ajah is the bush part really……
      First of all Lekki downwards isn’t the ISLAND.
      You need to get your geography right
      Secondly, the whole stretch to Epe, is the Lekki expressway…
      Vgc is Ajah for all intend and purposes… so get it right..

      You probably stay at Akowonjo…..

      Before you conclude I stay in park-view, cos am sure that’s your next line of attack……..
      **Bb tongue out smiley…

  6. Good one Noblechukwu. Bunch of fake people on the island. People that went to the UK for 1, 2 year masters now have “English” accents. Na that one dey funny pass. The beautiful thing is, you know the folks with old money and the ones with new money. It never fails. The new money folks are entertaining bo jare with their useless sense of self importance. And no, I am not a hater; it is just sad how we live.

  7. Now, as per the article, I wouldn’t know, I am an Ibadan/Eko-tinwa n tinwa girl. However, we can talk about some of their cousins who won the visa lottery/followed Obesere’s entourage into the U.S. Party in Baltimore, they will be there, in NYC na their pictures go plenty pass, Jersey, you can be sure to meet them there, laulau spending and everything. When you ask them what they do, they’ll call IT this, consultant that and conveniently leave out the “gateman/mai-guard” part of the position….shior!

    honeydame1.blogspot.com

  8. For the accent thingy, i really dont blame any1, Wen in naija those that have accents are recognised, given top jobs or some sort of preferential treatment.Whateva wud take u to the top or enable you achieve ur golas den do it . *drops mic*

  9. Facts

    1. 90% of the people that live on the island are fake
    2. They try so very hard to belong it is nauseating (including the writer of the article)
    3.Real ballers stay after the 3rd roundabout VGC check, Farapark check, abraham Adesanya check
    4. If you can’t spot a fake accent…#youareghetto

    1. Don’t even come here with that bull about “real ballers”. Since we’re on the topic, REAL ballers stay in Ikoyi. I’ll bet my left invisible nut you just moved to Lekki (after 3rd roundabout to be precise). Chile, just stop!

    2. What is it with people hating on residents in V/I?
      We are old money, simple and short (like mr nobs)
      When our families moved there, there were no clubs and it wasn’t the commercial district it is today…
      As for the accent thing believe it or not , we cant help it, your accent is influenced by the people around you,
      obviously a lot of people in my age bracket (late teens) who live in V/I would have gone to school abroad and so may pick up an accent, I don’t see why people should judge others on the way to speak.
      And mate your 3rd point is complete BS, I dont know what you describe as real ballers but I’ve never heard of abraham adesanya or farapark.

  10. Fake people don’t just stay on the Island na….there are fake’s everywhere. If you can’t afford to buy drinks at 4500 per glass, then have a house party or something na…lol. Yours a Mainland boy hoping for some new MONEY..Holla

  11. All these comments are hilarious. And it refreshing for Nobs to be so real. but the point i think he’s trying to make is why punish yourself and live beyond your means. money and flash has taken the pleasure out of FUN. Its ok to have hbp(when u know u cant afford your lifestyle) and show off rather than just relax and have a good time. Personally i dont understand why people sit down and drink in clubs that what the bar is for. Unless the dj is boring as hell, get on your feet and boogie
    I wont blame the wannabes though they make spending so much seem so cool. LIE.

    1. i see yur point but you realise that their are no dedicated pubs in most of lagos?
      It is mostly a mix of club and bar.
      so you have to drink and dance.

  12. Talking about a VIP section where everybody wants to squeeze themselves into…perfect description of AQUA Club abi Lounge in Abuja!! mschewwww

  13. boy abey tell them 4 me, bt wait abe these guys they oppress u inside club way u they vex like? talk wer u de stay? i deeply aprricate say ur chike leave u them

  14. oy abey tell them 4 me, bt wait abe these guys they oppress u inside club way u they vex like? talk wer u de stay? i deeply aprricate say ur chike leave u 4 them?

  15. But who sets the standard for whoz fake and who is real, y’all just look @pple and judge wtout taking some time out to really ustand wat is going on! Itz not cool to live beyond ur means but dt one na for deir pocket,wen gbese gas na dem go feel d pinch!

  16. I’m with AJS……Fake people are everywhere!
    The island isnt only about fake……dont dwell on the ‘fakeys’ and you’d probably meet some ‘real’ people….

    When you go to the club, with some skinny-*&^ chics, with long (fake-^&*) hair up to their butt cracks and u ‘pop’ rose all night long, while wearing shades (in the night) and forming kool….who r u going to attract??….”yea, you dun said it…….fakeys” (formin’ britico accent)

    LMCSBAO

  17. As a lowly teacher married to a civil servant who was assigned housing in Transit Village, I used to live on Adetokunbo Ademola in the 1970s – before moving to the United States. That was when Sir Ademola actually lived on the street named after him. VI was quiet then, Maroko was a fact, there was no Lekki or other developments and homes were somewhat spaced out, not sitting on top of each other like it is now. Wow! Today, all I can say is that after almost 30 years abroad, the VI I see now is nothing like it used to be. Not that time should have stood still there, what with the pace of progress and all that. But, except for a few spots, what a disappointment to find the area so trashy and unattractive…rundown…expensive for no good reason…no attention to zoning…noisy and overcrowded to a fault…few services…with people full of the pathetic pretentiousness that is suffocating Nigeria – the craving for attention…to be noticed NO MATTER WHAT…Yes, fake people are everywhere, but Nigerians outshine everyone in that arena…in fact, we have stellar PhDs in fakery. I went to a couple of VI nightclubs and had to be reminded over and again to close my mouth – which kept dropping open at the hordes of scantily-dressed young girls swarming like roaches everywhere.

  18. Why are people so shallow-minded?
    What has “what school someone went to, or who one’s father is?
    This has no bearin on what’s been talked about.
    Something tells me your father must have stolen either Nigeria’s or his company’s money for you to be this poorly-developed, mentally.

    May you get wiser before you become someone’s poor excuse of a father.

  19. This is a fun post, It is also Mr. Nobs opinion which he decided to share with readers. Everyone’s allowed to be opinionated, you either take it or leave it not act barbaric and make it personal like he casually strolled into you living room and said this to your face. Really cant blame some of the uneducated comments/responses though “Illiteracy and Poverty are more a state of mind than a condition”… Keep it coming Nobs

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